Bonus Episode: Ethan’s Sexts Revealed!!! + COSA + Letting God Get Even



This is an impromptu bonus episode to announce that I have made public Ethan’s sext messages which I discovered in the early morning hours of Christmas Day 2022. You may find them at:



INCLUDED IN THIS EPISODE (But not limited to):

·      Ethan’s Sext Messages Revealed!!!

·      Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse & Codependency Support Groups (Virtual) –

·      COSA – 12 Step Recovery For Victims Of Compulsive Sexual Behavior –

·      A Recommended Reading To Help Heal From Narcissism –
















·      Pray Away Documentary (NETFLIX)



·      OverviewBible (Jeffrey Kranz)


·      Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed (Documentary)


·      Leaving Hillsong Podcast With Tanya Levin



·      Upwork:

·      FreeUp:




·      Disabled American Veterans (DAV):

·      American Legion:


·      What The World Needs Now (Dionne Warwick):





·      PodMatch is awesome! This application streamlines the process of finding guests for your show and also helps you find shows to be a guest on. The PodMatch Community is a part of this and that is where you can ask questions and get help from an entire network of people so that you save both money and time on your podcasting journey.



De’Vannon: [00:00:00] Of deceit is sweet to a man, but afterwards his mouth shall be filled with gravel. This is the warning that the Lord gives to people who go about finding ways to please themselves at the expense of other people. My name is Devana and I’m the host of the Sex Drugs in Jesus podcast, and I’m here with a brief bonus episode for you today, and I’ve been working on this book that I’m gonna be releasing, talking about the experience that I went through with my ex-boyfriend and him ended up being a covert narcissist and all that that put me through.

And at first I was thinking about putting all of. The sex messages that he sent to the people he was running around behind my back with, which I discovered in the early morning of Christmas, just this past year in 2022, I wasn’t gonna put all those text messages in the book, but then we were like, we’ll just put [00:01:00] like a few of ’em.

So what I decided to do instead was take at least the majority of these text messages and put. In the blog section of my website and do like a little writeup and everything like that, because I really, really want to be transparent as I always am. I don’t have anything to hide. I’ve done what I’ve done.

I’ve said what I’ve said. I’ve did what I did, and it wasn’t always cute and it wasn’t always right, but I’ve always, always told the truth. This is why David, you know, from the Old Testament in the Bible, and he appears in the New Testament too. It is called a God. It’s called a man after God’s own heart, even though he murdered Uriah in order to get back.

Chiba, you know, God still considers David a man after his own heart, that he’s also set to reign in the millennial kingdom. And so we have not seen the last of, of of, of, of David.[00:02:00]

And why is that? Because David always told the truth. You know when I think it was Nathan, the Prof and went in there to read him for filth for what he had done to Uriah. He hadn’t really told anybody, but there are no secrets. There are no secrets. Everything always comes out to the light, as the Lord says in his word of what’s done in darkness Show come out to the light until David didn’t even try to lie to Nathan, the private.

He told him the. And the Lord said, you don’t even have to repent. I’ve already forgiven you. Now the Lord levied heavy consequences on David. You know, and you can go and read about that story because it’s, it’s really, really quite insightful as everything in the Bible is to me.

And so those, so you can go over to my website, sex Drugs and and read through it. And so some might look at. That, you know, this blog post and be like, oh, you know, she’s just being a petty queen or whatever. No. [00:03:00] I’ve found any, anything that I can do to shine light on people who have damaged people with their sex addictions, with their narcissism, it helps me heal.

And I cannot tell you, since all this has started to come to light and come out, how many people, how many people. I have come across who have been victims of narcissistic people. It’s really ridiculous, you know, just, just how prolific this is in society today,

but just like here in Proverbs, this is Proverbs 20, chapter 20, verse 17. You know, I recommend people to read a proverb a day. There’s 31 proverbs. And so you usually have about 30, 31 days in the month you can read the RB that corresponds with the day of the month. And that’s a good guide to get you going.

So you get some wisdom between your ears, you know? But it’s talking about basically you having fun, [00:04:00] enjoying yourself today, but you’re gonna regret it tomorrow. It makes no sense. If what you’re doing today is gonna cause you pain tomorrow because you don’t possess the sense, the wit or the willingness, the, the, the flat out capability to think about the consequences of what you’re about to do.

So y’all, let’s not be shortsighted because God is not mocked. He is not mocked whatsoever, a man. So that also will you reap. Then I went down to verse 20 in Proverbs. And it says, who so curses his father, his mother, his lamp shall be put out into obscure darkness. Things about my ex, I started to find out towards the end of our relationship, just got like worse and worse and worse.

I, I, I’ve only seen one other person in my life devolve, you know, into wickedness like my ex did, and just into pure evil. And that was the man back when I was in high school who was running around trying to give me and so many other people aids. He ended up [00:05:00] dying, you know, in his early twenties because he just would not shift his negative perspective.

You know, it was, you know, I was already invested into Ethan when I, when I saw how he talked, talks to his mother, you know, calling her stupid, you know, very, very bad names and demeaning. And like I’ve said before, we even talk shit to the dogs too, you know. But in the Bible it says that if you honor your mother and father, it comes with a long life and it comes with promise.

The Lord would bless you forgiving a damn about your appearance. And I know some of y’all got really shitty parents. It’s completely different, but that still doesn’t give you the right to, to, to, to be evil towards them. So you really, really need to watch that cuz the Lord is watching how we treat our parents.

Get away from ’em if they’re abusive and you have to, but be mindful how you treat them. It’s like in the Bible when he tells us that the Arc Angels, St. Michael our. Was arguing [00:06:00] with Lucifer over the body of Moses that he would not say anything against the devil. Why? Because the devil is still God’s creation.

You know, you, you gotta be careful how you speak about people and things like that because your words create your universe. And so I just. You know, and, and the day that I heard him speak so poorly to his mother, I was just like shocked. And I was like, you know, oh my god, you know who, who really is this?

But I was another one of those things I pushed outta my mind, I compromised on it and I should not have. It is true what they say as at least from my experience with this, try to find you a man who gets along with his mother and treats her well. You know, cuz I’m gonna tell you that this ex that I had didn’t treat his mother well and that he didn’t treat me well either.

When I was, I have, me and my ex were back in his hometown visiting with his family and I took his [00:07:00] mother out to a whole spa day and we went up, he got her her dead and everything like that. And you know, we come back home. My ex and no other person in that house even bothered to mention anything about this woman’s new look.

She was looking fabulous, snatched for the gods, and. You know my ex and everyone in there just br just acted like she just looked the same as when she left. So rude, so damn disrespectful yet. So Ethan, and then I went down to verse 22 where it says, say not I will re confidence evil, but wait on the Lord and he shall save you.

Now look y’all. I know when people hurt us, we want to go out there and get even. We wanna fuck them up, okay? If not end them. I think about Angela Bassett lying from American Horror Story season three when she was [00:08:00] playing Marie Lavo, the Voodoo Queen down in New Orleans, and she was talking to one of her enemies in there and she was saying, I could think of so many ways that I can dispose of you.

Look, and we also don’t wanna listen to Madea either. Look, I know y’all love your Tyler Perry, but, but don’t, don’t do, do not listen to Madea telling you that God take too long and your enemies need to get got right then talking about your, your Smith and Wesson is your peace of steel and peace be still and loja still Do not go out there and catch no case.

You know, trying to get even with these xs and these people who done, done you wrong because they’re, you’re still giving them power over you and honey. I’ve been locked up. 1, 2, 3, shit. Yeah. Something like three, four at times. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ve been locked up three times. Honey, orange is not the new black.

It is not cute. See a sea of orange every damn day when you wake up. Do [00:09:00] not go and catch no case, no felonies, you know, no misdemeanors or what the hell ever trying to express yourself. You know? We’ll just call it like that. Look, I wanted to, I thought about this shit. You know, slashing his tires, throwing bricks through the windows of his house, burning the house down.

You know, thank God it’s not a crime to imagine shed. No, I’m not gonna do it. You know, I’m not going to do it because you know, it says in the Bible that we have to wait. The Lord said, the Lord said vengeance belongs to him, referring to himself. He said, avenge as mine, says the Lord. And he says, you have to wait.

And so, And so what can you do? You get on your knees, okay? And you pray. You know, don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t listen to Jasmine Sullivan tell you to go bust the windows out that motherfucker’s car do they deserve it? Hell, today. Yeah, but they’re gonna have to get what’s [00:10:00] coming to them. When the time is right.

And remember, people who go out there and hurt people, and I can attest to this too, from that guy when I was in high school running around trying to hurt people. You know, he was not a happy person. He was fine as hell, sex as fuck, you know, fucking his way through town. And he was probably the most miserable person I’d ever had ever met next to my own dad, who was also a hellish ass fuck boy.

But you know, they. Lord Jesus, so and so. So look, they’re not happy anyway. I don’t care how they look, how they carry themselves. These are some miserable, bitter little roots running around here in this earth. That’s happy, healthy, whole people go out and spread happiness. It’s as simple as that. If you’re doing things to hurt people, you are a broken, bitter bitch.

If you’re not doing things to hurt people, then you’re not a broken, bitter bitch that doesn’t get any more simple than that. And so,[00:11:00]

I just got out of, of, of mental hospital and I’m gonna have to do a whole nother show on that. Cause look, the Lord let things line up, because I needed time. I needed time to, to sit still without my phone, without this beautiful MacBook. I’m recording this on right now without the mic, without dealing with all my business, with down under apparel, without writing anything.

Well, I, I wrote when I was in there, but you know, I was in there. I, I, I was, I was in the hospital eight days. I just got out today. Okay. You know, today is April 15th as I’m recording and about to release this. When I was in there, I had to, I, I went down on my knees and, and prayed like Evangelist Nelson, you know, my mentor, you know, who, you know, who I speak about, who I’ve written about, you know how you, how she used to tell me, [00:12:00] tell tell me to pray.

Like she, she used to say, when you really, really, really, really, really need God to move them little popcorn prayers ain’t going to cut it. She, she would tell me, you got to get down there on your, on your knee, on your knees and pray, and you gotta stay there. You gotta marinade before the Lord. And in, and in and in the choir that was provided me away from all the, all, all the, all the people who need me and depend on me, whom I love, and I love to be there for them.

I, I got quiet and I got down there and prayed, and I began to get breakthroughs in my early morning dreams, which I’ll talk about later. I began to vent. Out the poison that Ethan had put inside of me before I knew that it was there, you know, the negative thinking, the negative energy, all of that by being in a relationship with him, had gotten into me and the Lord began to extract this from me.

Kinda like a, like a black tar being pulled up out of me is the best [00:13:00] way that I can describe it. Okay.

Prayer changes things. Yeah, but you gotta be, you gotta mean it and you gotta get intense with it. When you really, really, really, really want God to move and you must believe, and your faith cannot be wavering though, if you have shaky faith, get down there and pray with. Pray with what faith you have, then God will move for you because I’ve asked him too.

Do so on your behalf. Then look, if you are in a wheelchair or something like that, God understands you. Pray where you can, how you. You know, just be sincere in the prayer, faith shall move God. And that is what the Bible says. So I wanted to tell people about a website that I was introduced to called COSA Recovery, that C os

COSA is a 12 step recovery [00:14:00] program for those whose lives have been affected by compulsive sexual behavior. I was shocked as shit when I discovered this. People have given themselves over the sexual compulsion so damn bad and hurt so many fucking people that we now have a step and probably this thing has been existed, bro.

I don’t know how fucking long. I’m thankful to have it that we have fucking 12 step programs because we’ve been hurt by people who cannot go out and fuck without fucking over the people who actually love them. This is regard damn ridiculous. You know what the fuck is going on with our society?

Exactly what the Lord said would do. He said in the last days, men would become lovers of themselves. People cannot get enough of consuming the shit that they want, even if it hurts other people. I also want to tell you about this, this book right here. This book right [00:15:00] here. Is a book by an individual by the name of Raquel Lerner, and it’s called, the Object of My Affection is in my reflection, coping with a narcissist.

My Hypnotherapist, which you, which you met in a previous episode. Elaine Perilous. He’s been a hypnotherapist for I think over like 20 something years she said. This shit right here is the best damn book. Now these are my, my, my words and not hers is the best damn book she has ever read or come across about narcissism and helping people to overcome that shit so that we can move on and be beautiful, bright, bold and brave like our Lord intended us to.

After I read this, I just got this in the mail of the day, but I told you just got out the hospital. After I read this, I’m gonna do a show on it. You know, this whole narcissism thing and D dealing with sex addiction and all of that is gonna be an ongoing thing because it’s [00:16:00] an ongoing, it is gonna be an ongoing thing that I talk about poor an indetermined amount of time, because that’s what’s going on with me right now, and it is so prevalent, and the more I dig into it, the more shocked I am of what I’m finding.

So getting back on these sex, yes, you will find them in the sex drugs and in the blog section. And feel free to reach out to me, email me, or whatever the hell hit me up on social media, TikTok, whatever. We’re on all the things. And tell me what you think. Let me know if you went through something like that.

You know, let me know if this transparency is helping you. I’ve heard from, I’ve heard from some of you and I already know that it is And mind you, when you’re reading, when you’re reading through this, Ethan’s text message is gonna be on the right. His fuck, boys. Well, shit, he’s the fuck boy too. The, the other, the other individual man, look, I can’t even imagine.

Be mad at the person, you know, the people he cheated with because he probably didn’t even tell them that I exist. You know, [00:17:00] the other person’s shit is gonna be on the left. The main one. Keep in mind that this is 43 text messages that Ethan sent to this person in 30. Say that again. 43 text messages in 30 minutes.

Not he wa he wasn’t speaking. Ethan doesn’t do talk text his, his little, his, his damn fingers will move across that damn iPhone like grease, lightning bitch. These are 43 type text messages in 30 minutes and I found this bullshit out I made Ethan’s, oh Jesus. Mm. Nah, fuck it. I made Ethan’s little bitch ass re replicate this because this was so like unbelievable to me.

In the course of our almost five year relationship, I never got a sexual initiation from Ethan like this. I had to initiate all the sex because he was too busy [00:18:00] crying about having fears of being rejected and everything like that, which never got resolved because he never really was trying to let it go.

It really pissed me the fuck off to look, look, look in his cell phone after the spirit led me to, and my woman’s intuition kicked in on, on fucking Christmas morning to find that not only did he, does Ethan possess the capacity to go out and cheat while he has covid and possibly kill the person and come home and eat a bowl of cereal and play video games and fucking go to sleep and not, and not faze him, and then look at me every day for, for, for four months and not say a damn thing.

But he had the balls to initiate this. He groomed these people, he reached out to them, talked to them over a matter of weeks, and then went over and did a deed all the while holding my hand through the process and not saying anything. I’m like, you, I’m like that. That bastard can do all of this, but [00:19:00] can’t even ask me for a piece of.

When you’d have been with me for five years, I even tried to level with him during the course of the relationship. I was like, do we need to go? Do you need to text me in order to get the ball rolling for something sexual since verbal, verbal is not gonna happen? You know, he was like, no, and I see all this.

So yeah, I made that little bitch replicate this. It took him hours. You know, to, to send me, I, I, I told him, send me 43 text messages, at least 43 text messages in 30 minutes like you did to the person you cheated on me with. He could barely do it. Now look, this is 43 text messages in 30 minutes, not counting what the other fuck boy responded to him.

So, so even when that this shit hard, heavy was ready to go, okay. Okay. He, he lit it up and went over there and handled business. [00:20:00] Okay. While he was over there. I’m still texting him. I’m thinking he’s at home about to die of Covid. Cause I had just went and dropped him off. Covid medicine, my covid medicine that I didn’t take for myself.

I gave it to him. Then a few hours later he’s up and, you know, making it happen. You know, I’m texting him and everything. Wondering why his phone, why, why the messages aren’t going through his iMessages like they usually do, because he had his phone off. I didn’t even know Ethan had possessed the capacity to turn his phone off for the whole five years of our relationship.

I begged him to get off his fucking phone to pay me some damn attention and to talk to me. You know, I wasn’t trying to con. I wasn’t trying to control him or take anything from him. I was trying to get to know him. I can’t do that if he’s on his cell phone half the damn time. Well, the majority of the fucking time, you know, always wherever we’re at, he was always on his phone, you know, I was so insulted and at the time, you know, heartbroken and, and just felt all kinds of ways to see [00:21:00] that.

Wait a minute. I ask your ass to turn your phone, just not to turn it off, but to just silence it or put it down so that we can communicate. You won’t do it, but you can turn your phone off to go cheat and give the the person you fucking, that I don’t know about your undivided attention. This is why I wanted to physically hurt him.

You know, I am not a violent person. I don’t fight. I would not reduce. And demean myself to such basic bitch levels. Okay To come to blows with some ho in the street by God damnit, I wanted to lay all my coth in class aside and take my hands and rip that little motherfucker to shreds. I really fucking did, but the Lord said, wait, and that’s what I’m going to do.

There are other ways, you know, to get eat to, to. That, that, that God can [00:22:00] get even with people. You don’t have to, to reduce yourself to their level. Staying angry at narcissists and, and people who hurt you still gives them power over you, baby. You have got to let them go. Forgive them for you, not for them.

Commend them into the hands of the Lord.

When I was homeless on the street,

I learned how fast karma comes back around. I guess it has to come back fast out there because people can get dead kind of quick, you know, out there in the game and hustlers and when you on the street and stuff like that. Any little dirt I did to somebody came back to my ass quick. Okay. I spoke about some of the karma that came back to me and the other episode 99, which I just released earlier today, y’all.

I’m sorry that it was. But you know, like I said, I was locked up in the mental, you know, in the mental house. So I’m getting to it while I can, but I do [00:23:00] apologize for that so and so you know, and, and you know, any, any, any, Any kind of dirt I did always came back to me. I’ve lived it. Y’all have too, but you have to wait. This happened. I was, you know, just, just, just, just this past week when I was in the mental hospital and look, y’all, God is in there speaking to me, this man who seemed to have some type of dementia, sometimes people who come off cross as crazy and, and stutter, sometimes God will step into that stutter.

And he’ll speak to you through them. So don’t write off people who look like they’re crazy or just whatever, you know, you know. He walked up to me and he was just like, God is gonna send, wait a minute, how did he say it? He said, good people are coming your way. You know, I was setting down coloring or whatever the fuck I was doing, and it was, it would appear.

To, to, to to [00:24:00] other people to just be an arbitrary comment some old, crazy man is making. But I have spiritual understanding and I keep an ear open to what the spirit may speak to me in any kind of way. When he said that, I look, I looked up at him and I was like, you know what, God just spoke through you.

And I accept that because I need good people. Because, you know, God knows, you know, everything that I’ve gone through, you know, in within this year wore me out and almost took me. You know, I was in that ambulance, you know, thinking my life was slipping away, and I’m gonna talk about this in a different episode, and I was praying.

Evangelist Nelson came to me in a dream the night before I ended up having to call the ambulance to go to the hospital for, for what was going on. And I didn’t know she had come to get me and carried me away from here. What, because some, you know, those old people do that, you know, when you get ready to die, your elders from, from what I’ve been told, from what I’ve seen and experienced, [00:25:00] you know, the elders, you know, they, they, they, your, your, your, your relatives come back to get you.

So I didn’t know what was going on and so, but as you can see, I’m still here. While I was locked up in the mental hospital, this one, this one fool decided to become my. You know, talking shit and doing all of this, and I just, you know, you can’t get in fights and nothing like that in there. They’ll keep you longer.

So I just went in my room. This is how God uses our enemies to grow us. You see wicked people or the tools of the Lord. That’s how the Bible describes them. The Lord uses wicked people to grow his saints and to grow his children. And that’s what Ethan was, that’s what this fool in this mental hospital was.

I didn’t argue with him. I went. I went in there and prayed and I just said, Lord, you get him. You get his ass. Okay? Get real with God. Talk to him if you gotta cuss. Cuss God’s not [00:26:00] offended by your words. Just tell the truth. Humans get offended about every little thing. Fuck him. Can’t do nothing with that bullshit and that fucking foolishness that people be perpetrating on.

I’m gonna tell you like. I looked up and next thing I know, they was wheeling him out on a stretcher. I didn’t touch this man. I didn’t do anything to him. He was already, there was something going on in his health, I don’t know. But the Lord took that, took that disturbance away from me because I didn’t need that.

Okay? And then his little crew that had gotten latched onto his negativity and was throwing shade my way, got disbanded, and now all of a sudden, they want to be friends with me again. Which I did not allow. You know, I forgave them and stuff like that, but my friendship is golden and I pour out my soul and my very existence for people you know, you know, on a daily basis.

But especially those who are, who are close to me or within my reach, I will not be disrespected, you know, or are hurt [00:27:00] by you and you think you just gonna come back and everything gonna be all right. The ma’am, it’s not gonna go that. Okay. It’s, it is, it is absolutely not going to go that way. And so I’m saying all this to say, I’m saying all this to say, let God arise and let your enemies be scattered and let your head be lifted up above your enemies.

When you have problems with enemies, get to the Book of Psalms. God used David’s enemies to groom him to become, you know, a king of Israel. Do not let these people cause you to sink down. But any rate, take y’all’s asses over to sex, drugs and and check out this blog opposed, and get these receipts, real life receipts.

Honey, you don’t always get receipts like this tossed your way. Or you can go through and see the actual dirt baby. Go through and get your fucking life and then message me and let me know what you [00:28:00] think about. I love you all so much and I will talk to you on the next episode.

Leave a Comment

Scroll to Top
Scroll to Top