Award-winning health expert Nicole Kerr is the co-author of Eating the Rainbow: Lifelong Nutritional Wellness—Without Lies, Hype, or Calculus. She has appeared on CNN, PBS, CBS, ABC, the Food Channel, and a host of other TV and radio shows to share her unique perspective on wellness, lifestyle, and nutrition.
For the past 30 years, Nicole has worked in all sectors of society, including in
government (the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), non-profit
(American Cancer Society), military (United States Air Force Medical Operations),
academia (University of Hawaii), healthcare institutions/hospitals (Adventist
Health Castle and Queens Medical Center), corporate settings (Sea Ties, LLC),
and private consultation. Nicole’s warm, engaging presentations have earned her
a place in front of international audiences ranging from corporate food
producers to health and medical associations. Throughout her career, she has
focused on supporting people from every walk of life to make realistic,
meaningful, happy choices for lifelong health and well-being.
When she was a 19-year-old cadet at the United States Air Force Academy, Nicole
would be forced to learn how to live and love differently following a
terrifying and transformative Near-Death Experience. Her memory of the crash
came back 20 years later, and it has taken Nicole almost another two decades to
align her soul, spirit, mind, and body, proving healing is certainly a
A disabled veteran, Nicole now maintains a private practice primarily using Neuro
Emotional Technique (NET) targeting the often overlooked domains of emotional,
energy, and spiritual well-being.
INCLUDED IN THIS EPISODE (But not limited to):
· Spirits & Angels
· Second Chances
· Near Death Experiences (NDE’s)
· Louisiana State University Nostalgia
· Religious Trauma
· Military Trauma
· Living With Fear
· Struggle Acquiring Veteran’s Affairs Disability & Compensation
· Why Perspective Is Everything
CONNECT WITH NICOLE:
Website & Book: https://www.nicolekerr.com
CONNECT WITH DE’VANNON:
· Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse & Codependency Support Groups (Virtual) – https://www.meetup.com/pittsburgh-narcissism-survivor-meetup-group/
· COSA – 12 Step Recovery For Victims Of Compulsive Sexual Behavior – https://cosa-recovery.org
· A Recommended Reading To Help Heal From Narcissism – https://amzn.to/41sg6FO
· Sex Addicts Anonymous: HTTPS://WWW.SAA.ORG
· Pray Away Documentary (NETFLIX)
o TRAILER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk_CqGVfxEs
· OverviewBible (Jeffrey Kranz)
· Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed (Documentary)
· Leaving Hillsong Podcast With Tanya Levin
· Upwork: https://www.upwork.com
· FreeUp: https://freeup.net
VETERAN’S SERVICE ORGANIZATIONS
· Disabled American Veterans (DAV): https://www.dav.org
· American Legion: https://www.legion.org
· What The World Needs Now (Dionne Warwick): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfHAs9cdTqg
INTERESTED IN PODCASTING OR BEING A GUEST?:
· PodMatch is awesome! This application streamlines the process of finding guests for your show and also helps you find shows to be a guest on. The PodMatch Community is a part of this and that is where you can ask questions and get help from an entire network of people so that you save both money and time on your podcasting journey.
De’Vannon: You’re listening to the sex drugs and Jesus podcast, where we discuss whatever the fuck we want to! And yes, we can put sex and drugs and Jesus all in the same bed and still be all right at the end of the day. My name is De’Vannon and I’ll be interviewing guests from every corner of this world as we dig into topics that are too risqué for the morning show, as we strive to help you understand what’s really going on in your life.
There is nothing off the table and we’ve got a lot to talk about. So let’s dive right into this episode.
Have you had a near death experience? Have you felt that feeling where your life was either slipping away from you or you did actually slip away from this plane of existence and stepped into that white light? Saw your ancestors, spoke with angels.
Well, if you have, you’re not alone. My guest today, Nicole Kerr, has written a book called You Are Deathless, and in this book she details her experience being 19 years old, the cadet at the Air Force Academy in [00:01:00] Colorado, flying through the window of a convertible.
Well, let’s just say, I’ll leave
all the gory details of what happened after that for you to listen to in this episode. She died, she came back to life, and now she’s dedicated her life to helping other people live free of fear in this episode. We’ll talk about everything from Angels to Louisiana State University to P T S D, to Veterans Affairs, drama, religious Trauma. You name it, we got it . So listen in, pay close attention and know that I love you.
Hello everyone and welcome back to the Sex Drugs in Jesus podcast. I’m your host Devon, and it is so lovely to see you as always. My guest today, her name is Nicole krs. She’s an author and she has a bunch of acronyms. She’s gonna explain to us what they mean in a minute, but their mph, h and r d n and b t d t [00:02:00] and n d e and all of these beautiful things.
And she’s an award-winning health expert. She’s also a disabled Air force veteran like I am. Thank you for your service girl, and thank you. She has appeared on C N N P B S C B S A B C P Y T, all the different networks, the food channel, and a host of other TV and radio shows. And we’re gonna talk about second and third chances today in health and wellness.
How are you, Nicole?
Nicole: I’m doing great. I am just delighted, excited, and grateful to be on your podcast today. So thank you very much,
De’Vannon: Amsterdam Lutely, thank you for setting aside an hour of your life. Time is one of the resources that we cannot create more of as you well know. And so I don’t take for granted what you choose to do with a whole hour.
This, this is very, very special to me, so I appreciate the fuck out
Nicole: of it. Aw, thank you. Likewise.
De’Vannon: [00:03:00] Okay, so are y’all, Nicole like we, like we were just saying, was in the Air Force. There was a bad car accident. She died, she came back and this is kind of what set her story into motion. And so we’ll be talking a lot about that.
Many of us have had near death experiences, as have I. And so we’ll chat, chat, chat, chat, chat. But before we get into that, let’s talk a little bit about your education. You, you were saying that you went to L S U. I’m here in Baton Rouge. I go over to Lssu all the time. I, you see it, I party up there, tailgate up there and everything.
So tell me about LSU for you.
Nicole: I. L s u That was a stop for me where I got my dietetics certification and my brother also graduated from there. And we lived in Jackson, Mississippi for a long time and then moved down to Baton Rouge with my dad and brother’s company called Yasu, the big Will mowing machines.
So [00:04:00] that was the family business. And so I lived down there for several years while I was getting my Like I said, my nutrition and diet dietetics degree because I had developed an eating do eating disorder binge eating. It was called compulsive eating back in 1980 something when I first got it.
But I did not get any mental health after my traumatic experience. My parents told the doctor when they said, Nicole needs to see a psychologist that Jesus and God was my psychologist. And needless to say, shortly after that I developed an eating disorder because I didn’t know what to do with the pain and I didn’t even know it was pain.
So that lasted almost 40 years until I got married at 40. And then I’ve, I’ve worked hard. I’ve been in therapy. You name it, I’ve done it. And It just, you know, Jesus never came down and sat across from me and tried to help me, you [00:05:00] know, either talk therapy or any of these other modalities. And that’s just not true.
And it was really a disservice to me to not get the mental health. I had to pursue that on my own. And it was, it was challenging.
De’Vannon: They used to say and damn, I’m so sorry that that happened to you. They’re. You know, you already have like this near death trauma, now you’ve got religious trauma being pumped upon you too.
They used to tell us in church to not be so heavenly minded that you’re not so earthly good.
Nicole: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that’s what you get, get when now my parents, I call ’em religious addicts, but I did my formative years in Jackson, Mississippi and then I’m a people recovering people pleaser and I was pleasing. My dad, he was in the military. He was one of the first classes to go through the Air Force Academy and at that time [00:06:00] they had opened it, just opened it up to women to come to go into the service academy.
So I was the sixth class of women. He was so proud of me that I got in. I was shocked that I did cuz I absolutely had no interest in the military. All of my background in high school and junior high was. Modeling junior achievement team boards nothing related to flying planes or going into this space program.
So clearly I did it just for him. And let me tell you, that was the wrong reason. Cuz as soon as they dropped me off and closed the door and I went through that, bring me men wrap. My life changed and all of a sudden fear was the emotion and terror that dominated me. And my emotional state for at least the next year and a half until my crash happened.
Because I was in constant fear that I was gonna fail, that I wasn’t keeping [00:07:00] up. I was keeping my squadron, I was holding them back because I would fall outta runs. They sent me to remedial training. You know, I just didn’t have that killer instinct. And I understand the reason we have a military, you know, to protect and defend, but every soul that goes into the military, in my opinion, is going to be fractured at some level.
Because when you experience the theater or war and people being killed, or you know, You suffering parts of your soul fracture in order to preserve yourself. And so that’s why we have so many injuries mentally, I think, and so many suicides with veterans especially, is because of that soul piece that just can’t reconcile what they have seen and what they have done.
So I knew in basic training that this was not for me, but I didn’t know how to [00:08:00] quit. I didn’t know how to say no to my father. Feel like a failure. The shame, the judgment, the condemnation. Cuz it takes a hell of a lot of work to get into academy. You gotta get a congressional rep nomination. You gotta pass all these tests.
You, you know. And and I did it. And then I got there and I, I, three weeks into bootcamp, they gave us one phone call, three minutes. And I heard my mother pick up and she said, hello, and I hyperventilated and cried for three minutes. Then the commander comes in there and says, that’s the end of your phone call.
Go sit over there and get yourself together ke. And I was just like, I needed my parents to tell me I had permission to quit if I was, if this was not the place for me, I needed. To get out and I couldn’t do it. And my mother turned to my father later and told me, what have we done to her? And he’s like, ah, she’ll be fine.
And I [00:09:00] wasn’t fine. I went from there to remedial, which is one-on-one, which is even worse, you know, because you’re separated from your, your squadron. So it was that was the first panic attack I had. I didn’t realize it until later, but I clearly lived with that level of fear and panic and pending doom dread.
And it starts to just operate your system after a while. And it was really, I, I don’t know. I, I don’t know how I made it the first year, and then I knew the second year it was only gonna get tougher. And then that’s when the crash happened. And I was getting a ride back with a fellow cadet who was a senior, didn’t know him, but my dad had three rules, don’t smoke, don’t drink, and don’t date upper cadets.
Now I’m in a school with 4,000 guys. I’m now a sophomore. I actually can date you can’t as a freshman, but I have never been on a date in my life. My dad did not. He was very conservative. He did not think dating [00:10:00] would do any good for me or spending the night with others. That was one of his commandments.
There’s the 10 commandments and there’s my dad’s 10 commandments. And spending the night with others was number one on, you do not do this. And even in church you don’t sit with your friends, you have to sit with mom and dad. You can’t fall asleep even though my dad fell asleep, you can’t fall asleep.
You know, it was, there was just a lot of rules. And having a Southern Baptist upbringing on my father’s side and a Lutheran bringing on my mother’s side living in the Bible belt, which is, as you know, the foundation of that area. I just got a lot of. Church thrown at me. And it was contradictory because the Lutherans were saying, this is the way to God.
And the Baptists were saying this way. And, you know, it was just, I’m sure God was [00:11:00]confused, you know, about what, what he supposedly said. But that’s when my car crash happened. And I know at a sole level that that is what got me out of the academy saving face because you, you know I couldn’t go back. I, my injuries were so severe.
I was in the hospital for four months, seven weeks in I c u two code Blues. And then 19 years later, I remembered my near death accident. I was working at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and went to Starbucks, got my coffee, and boom, the memory of how I was sitting in the Corvette convertible came back and And then the rest of the memory came back.
So people said, well, why did it take 19 years? And I’m like, the only thing I can say to that is when your body feels safe enough, repressed memories as what they’re known as will come up. [00:12:00]And that’s what happened. And I got the complete story. And so I’ve been able now, 40 years later to finally publish my book.
It’s called You Are Deathless. And a near death experience taught me how to fully live and not fear death. It’s taken me that long to first of all 20 years, had no memory, just the white lights. And then the next 20 was aligning myself and my search for body, soul, spirit, and mind to all come together.
And it’s been a journey, a healing journey, and it’s not linear. A plus B does not equal C and the healing journey. That was a lot I just gave you.
De’Vannon: Well, you know what, it sounded like you needed to get that out. I just, I’m happy to, to allow you to
Nicole: do that. Plus southern girls, we can talk.
De’Vannon: So, so take, [00:13:00] take me back though. Tell me what the, the MPH, H C R D and the B T D T stand
Nicole: for. Okay. Master’s in Public Health and, and I had an emphasis in nutrition and then R D N is registered dietician nutrition.
So I’ve worked in hospitals. I was an oncology dietician, a wellness director B T D T I invented that or took it from somebody else, actually. Been there, done that. And that actually is my proudest letters of the alphabet after my name. Because experience trump’s theory in any any day for me because it allows a person to have compassion sympathy and empathy.
De’Vannon: Right. Ab a Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. And that’s why I say I wish this, this country in a, i I, I do not feel like the United States is the greatest country on the world, you know, in the world or nothing like that due to, due to the lack of like, character, you know, and, and the [00:14:00] lack of love that prevails here.
And I don’t care how much money, how rich it’s supposed to be like this, this is a deplorable country and I, I really wish that people had to go to the military and or had to wait tables or had to be a janitor or had to do something like that for like some amount of time. And there are countries that have those requirements because then more people, then everyone would have some version of been there, done that as opposed to standing over here and judging from a distance.
Yes. So so, so the title of her book y’all is called You Are Deathless. And and it, and it. You know, talks about, like a lot of, you know, what she’s talking about right now, her website. I just wanna tell everyone, you know, it’s nicole kerr.com that we’ll be going in the show notes that she has a great blog on there and all kinds of information and everything like that too.
So take me back to this car accident. You said you’re in a a [00:15:00] convertible Corvette. Yeah.
Nicole: I don’t know if you can see it.
De’Vannon: Okay. Yeah, I can see it. Okay.
Nicole: That’s August 8th 19. That’s afterwards.
De’Vannon: Okay. So, so, so after they untangled you, so y you just showed a picture of the Corvette for those of you who are not watching on YouTube, and it’s basically, it’s like somebody like Godzilla took this car, picked it up, twisted it around, and then like tried to.
Fold it together, so, yeah. Yeah. So it almost looks like, almost looks like a square, like a, like a block rather than a, a motor vehicle. And so they were able to, to open up that can, I guess they, they had to have gotten the jaws of life or something out for that. So we
Nicole: actually flew out of it cuz it was a convertible and we didn’t have seat.
The, the car didn’t even have seat belts back then. And so when he hit the side of a boulder, okay, I was getting a ride back with a senior cadet, didn’t know him. We had [00:16:00] been in an Air force function. They had provided beer to underage cadets and they broke their own rules. The officers left before the cadets and I was one of the, I was the last to leave.
And so I asked him for a ride back and he said, sure. He had his own agenda. He wanted to go to another bar. He wanted to watch the sunset at the Rocky Mountains i e make out. And I started getting really nervous cuz we had curfew 7 35. We had to be back at the academy. And I didn’t wanna get in trouble this year because last year I was, I.
Innocently doing favors for people and I would get in trouble. So I marched tours, I served demerits, I served confinements, I did it all. And I was like, I am not doing that this year. So I was really worried about the time element. And he tried to make a sexual pass at me. My memory later revealed and I said no.
And he got really angry at me and jerked the steering wheel. The car fishtailed out, and this is at Black Forest [00:17:00] park in Monument, which is just outside the academy. He hit a huge boulder, moved the boulder, the car flipped. We were both thrown out. I was thrown into a ditch. Some bystanders were, were close by, they called 9 1 1.
They came out to look at me and they couldn’t get any signs of life. So they got a blanket and they covered me up. And then when the Tri Lake Fire Department, and you can kind of see. That was the front page of the newspaper. So they’re working on me. And you can see the car landed on its top. Mm-hmm.
Okay. So I was gone when I flew out from the windshield, that’s when I called it Casper the ghost in the book. But I was just revealed in my meditation in August and the [00:18:00] book was published in August that it was my grandfather that came in the form of an angel and lifted me took me up and so I never hit the ground.
I knew when I hit the ground I was gonna die. I knew it, but I went up instead in his arms, and we went to this space. It wasn’t really a place, it was just a space. And that’s when I, I was not in bodily form. I could see my body on the ground, I could see it in the ditch. It was just a corpse, a mangled corpse.
And so this spirit, my grandfather, now I, I, we went to this space and I could hear other voices, other angels, other spirit guides. They weren’t speaking English. I don’t know what they were. I don’t know how I heard them and understood them, but I did telepathy, whatever, but I could hear and communicate.
And [00:19:00] so there were two angels next to me and they were saying, you meaning humans need to ask the angelic realm for help. That was the first message, is they’re not gonna interfere in our lives unless we ask for help because of free will. We have choices. So that is one of the first messages is start connecting with your angelic realm.
We all have at least one guardian angel that’s assigned to us. Some of us have more, but start the relationship with your angels or any angels. And people say to me well that’s kinda like when you ask the angels to help you for a parking space. I said, it works. It absolutely works because it’s not about how big or small something is, it’s about the relationship that you can count on them and you can trust them.
And it may not look like what you want, but [00:20:00] they will send you signs. You just have to be open-minded. Then the second message that I wanna make sure people hear that I received was to tell people not to be afraid of death. And I was like, whoa, that’s a big one. That’s a real big one. And I, and so at that moment I knew I was gonna go back in that body and I didn’t want to, I was like, no, I do, I, I wanna stay up here because up there death was, or, or that transformation of myself was absolute beauty light, the white light that I had seen.
It wasn’t the operating or theater room lights. It was, it was the light that almost every near death experience or ex, you know, has Raymond Moody who coined the term near death [00:21:00]experience, that is the single most. Common element that people report is seeing this bright white light, and it’s clear, it’s not blinding and it’s just comforting.
It’s like you’re cocooned in it and it’s just so peaceful and beautiful. And the colors on the other side are just magical beyond the, what is it now? 125 cray color box? Is that what we’re up to? So, you know, why would you wanna come back from that? There’s no negativity at all. So it’s, you know, in our.
World. I think, you know, every book that’s almost written around the subject of death is cloaked with this veil of doom and gloom and death has a cloud of depression and negativity around it. Throughout our culture and society and my own [00:22:00] experience, and I hope yours and others, hundreds of thousands of people because they have enough to have actually studied this and put a report together to list the 10 common lessons of NDEs.
And they’re, every single one of ’em is positive. And the first one is we do not die. Hence the title of my book. You are deathless. Yes, your physical, your physical body is gonna die decompose. But when you die, your energy body splits open and your soul leaves you and goes home. And we have many.
Incarnations of our soul. This isn’t our only rodeo. So that was the mission, and it’s taken me, I found that out. Okay, think about this. 19 years, I had a gap in my memory. And then boom, it all comes together. And then I have to figure out, okay, what does [00:23:00] does that mean? Because when I died at 19, I was fearful of death.
I had the concept of God from my southern. Baptist upbringing and Lutheran, where the teaching was, if you were a bad person that God was duality on one side, God loved you, he would protect you. He was you know, loving, kind. But if you broke the rules, if you were a bad person, if you were a sinner, you would go to a place called Hell where the wrath of God would come and you would burn eternally.
Now, as a six-year-old growing up, that scares the wey outta you. So you live your entire life in fear of doing something bad. And I call that concept a vending machine concept of God, and it’s not correct. It’s a false belief that is not who or what God is. [00:24:00] Yes, take the first part of it, the positive. But that whole second part was invented by man to keep people in fear, which would keep you in control
De’Vannon: on the on the aspects of angels.
And I think it’s, I think it’s a beautiful experience that you had. I just wanted to like, like to, to remind people that, you know, when you’re speaking you know, two angels and, you know, different things like that, you know, d don’t forget to ask them, you know, like how they’re doing, you know, cause they’re not.
Nicole: thank them. Please thank them after they give you what you
De’Vannon: need. They’re not, they’re not, they’re not, they’re not God. And you know, they get That’s right. They can get run down too. You know, we, we see this illustrated in the book of Daniel in the Bible when Gabriel is coming to the deliver Daniel, his message when he was fasting for those [00:25:00] three weeks for the Nation of Israel.
And, and Gabriel is telling Daniel that he was delayed because, you know an op an op, an opposition withstood him until the arch angel Michael came to help him. And so, so th so this, this illustration lets us know that angels have limitations if they have to eat Mannas, because eventually they get run down and they have to be regenerated.
So for me, it’s not all about accessing the spiritual realm to, to, to get shit from them. You know? So I think that, I think, I think it’s important to, to speak. Whenever you’re speaking about more than just acquisition than what you can get from them. And so just be like mindful of that people.
And angels come in many forms. You know, they’re earth angels and I talk about that. And my book, they’re is a chapter called Calling All Angels because I know that the e m t [00:26:00] that brought me back to life was one of my angels. He was they had me covered up, okay. He gets there, he’s the first one on the scene, 10 to 13 minutes later, so I’m clinically dead for that long.
They had me, you know, under the, he takes the blanket off, he can’t get any sign of life. So he does something called a sternal knuckle rub. Have you ever heard of that? It’s where they, they go up your, your sternum and it’s designed to elicit pain. It’s a pain response that the medical team uses. And boy, if there’s any sign of life in you that would respond to pain, it’s that.
So the only sign of life you got was my right eye flickered and my pupil dilated. Now, what do we say about eyes and our souls?
De’Vannon: Eyes are the window to the soul.
Nicole: Yes. At that moment, my soul came back in through my eye. [00:27:00] I was dead before they couldn’t get anything. Okay? So my soul, it left when I was up in the air.
Okay? My body split open two out. It went, it comes back when he’s doing that and, and, and I often wonder, You know, why did you bring me back? You know? And cuz it’s been painful and it’s been a hard journey. But that is when the soul came back into my body and at that point he was able to get a blood pressure reading on me of 60 zero.
Now that’s pretty much dead anyway, but at least he could get that. And they got me these mask pants on. They’d just gotten ’em on the bus That forces all your blood up to your heart. I had had multiple injuries. I cut off my left foot, I severed my right wrist. My pelvis was broken on both sides. Had a rash from skidding on the, the payment of grow burn that went three levels deep, a [00:28:00]laceration between my anal and feature because I remembered sitting in the car.
And my leg is on the dashboard and my other leg processes it. Do you remember sitting like that in a convertible? Put your leg on the dashboard
De’Vannon: sounds so, so, so California,
Nicole: don’t ever do that. If you’re in an accident, that’s the absolute worst way to get injuries. So I cut up my, I had a, a hole between my anal and sphincter muscle and then a huge hole like this cut out of my left thigh.
So I had damage to my nerves. Lost the feeling in that whole sexual area. So it was cuz I went butt up through the windshield and so that cut my foot and that injured that area. So, It was just about getting me stabilized that night, and the doctor on call was a maverick. She was the first woman [00:29:00]surgeon in Colorado Springs.
She was the first woman to go to medical school at Jefferson College. Let me tell you. She said multiple times, this is not in my hands anymore, you know, whether Nicole makes it. And I just kept coming back to life. You know, I had a surgery code blue, they had to cut me up from here to here and. My parents were in the chapel praying and the surgical nurse went in there and said, we’ve lost Nicole.
I’m so sorry. And so my dad’s like, well, we need to figure out where to barrier. And mom’s like, I don’t believe it. And then two minutes later another surgical nurse runs in and said her heart just started again. And and there was another incident where I had another near death experience and I have an angel that named James that is, that protects me.
And I know that sounds weird, but I call him my military angel, but he is here to make sure I [00:30:00] get this message out because. There is no need to fear death. And there’s so many of us that have been conditioned or brought up with belief systems where we scare, we’re scared of death. And here’s the deal.
It’s gonna happen at every one of us, and it could happen at any age. And that’s the other thing is we need to start learning to prepare ourselves not only physically with wills and all that other stuff, but E, but emotionally and spiritually. And understanding that your beliefs about God, whatever that concept of God is, shapes your relationship with death.
Because if you believed, like I did when I died, I disobeyed my father, and that’s what he told me later when he came to the hospital. I. You had two beers, you smoked one cigarette. And this is [00:31:00]the first time I’ve done this in my life. At 19, I’m finally gonna have fun. Okay. And you were with a cadet and you kissed him, he kissed you.
So in his eyes, I broke his rules and I deserved to quote what I got. So I disappointed God as well. And I have spent you not believe how much therapy I’ve had to try to let go of that being blamed. And it fractured my relationship with my parents and with my siblings because I felt so guilty about that.
And I’ve been trying to make it up all these years. And then in the epilogue, you’re not gonna believe this, but there were four roommates, four women that went in in my class at the same time in my squadron and my roommate. She dropped out. She quit that December of my accident. Okay? [00:32:00] So I had not talked to her in 38 years.
I found her on Facebook. We, four girls got together this past May. The book was already at the editors ready to be published. And we all never knew what happened to her. She just never came back. After spring, after Christmas break, she said, Nicole, I’m so sorry. She said I caused the crash. I said, what? No you didn’t.
The guy did. He was drunk and he is making a pass at me. And you know, he crashed. And by the way, he survived. He even got to graduate cuz his dad wore three stars. But that’s a whole nother story cuz rank has its privilege as we know. And she said, you had asked me for a ride back to the academy before the event even started.
And I said, yes, we’ll go back together. And then when it was over, There was another cadet who was drunk and he wanted me to drive his car back for him. And I really liked him and I wanted to be alone with [00:33:00] him. So when you got ready to get in the car, I told you no I really don’t want you in the car.
There’s one other guy left over there, why don’t you go get a ride back with him? And I said, but that guy’s been drinking. And she said, oh, it doesn’t matter. They’ve all been drinking. She said, it’ll be fine. Just go have some fun, you know, and I’ll see you back at the academy. And she never did. So she lived with 38 years of guilt and it still haunts her and she quit because she couldn’t bear the thought that if she would’ve just given me a ride back, both of our lives would’ve been totally different.
So you never know. And I never knew that. My memory part never came back of that conversation. And I said to her, why didn’t you ever tell me before? And she goes, well, I just thought you knew. And you are angry at me. So it’s so important to communicate trauma and your version of [00:34:00]something and someone else’s version of something, because sometimes we just think somebody knows something, but we don’t check it out with ’em, and then we go around believing something and it, it just devastates our life.
You know, there,
De’Vannon: there’s so much loss in this life because of things left unsaid, be it in romantic relationships, business relationships. I agree with Nicole. Y’all open your fucking mouth and tell people what the hell you think, know and feel. Rather than assuming they should know or assuming they will know, magically know.
Just make it simple. And just say it, even if you think you’re stating the obvious, you know, sometimes you need to say the quiet part out loud because you know so much just to be sure everyone’s on the same page. Yeah. You know it’s, it’s not cool to think that, you know, like in my, in my previous relationship that I, [00:35:00] that I just had to end.
That, that was one of the things that, that my ex would never, you know, give me, I said, don’t, don’t ever have one version of reality operating within your head. And you know that I don’t know that. Cuz then we’re on divergent paths and I’m thinking that we’re on the same page and really we’re not. And you know, and the only way that that could have ever happened is if he would’ve opened his mouth and told me what he was feeling and thinking, which he never was able to do that.
And so be it friendships or whatever the case may be, just fucking say what’s going on rather than letting those negative thoughts come in and, and control you. You could disband that with clarity in communication.
Nicole: Yes, and please do it before they die.
Don’t do it on their deathbed, you know, say the things you need to say now. And I, you know, and, and, and then I went and told my father, you know, dad, you know, I knew the guy was drunk and I, I just, you know, and I had [00:36:00] arranged a, a, a ride back and I was trying to defend myself to my father with this. And he says he still made a bad decision and you should have walked back to the academy.
And then, That’s when I just went, I haven’t talked to my dad since, and I won’t, I’m done with him. So, you know, and I was trying to be done with him before, but when he, he’s never forgiven me. He’s never said he is sorry. He is a narcissist. He is in that military mode my way or the highway. That’s how we were raised.
I know what’s best for you. And he didn’t, he never got to understand who I am. And when I published this book, he has not read it. And he just said, you better get God writer. You’re really gonna get it. So there’s just more fear and I’m just like, you know, my experience with God is God is love. Period, end of sentence, and love is all that matters and is the source of all that exists.
And when you think about [00:37:00] source that is God and is there anywhere that God does not exist?
De’Vannon: He is no ever president. He is everywhere. And
Nicole: my per, he’s not external either. He’s not, he’s not out there to be looked for. He’s within all of us. We are all eternal sparks of God.
De’Vannon: Mm-hmm. What I, what I you know, you know, Jesus describes the death. Like he, you know, in the Bible he told us to to, to basically mourn when somebody is born in a rejoice when they die.
Because Yeah. When when you They’re
Nicole: going back home. Yeah. When you, and they’re not gonna remember any of this negative stuff. You know? It’s like when I got over to the, to the other side God was all around me. God was in me. God, I, you know, I was God. God was present and fullness and oneness. And [00:38:00] most of all, God was love, pure, non-judgmental love.
And in that state it was not that I suddenly had been forgiven for my mistakes, is that they no longer existed. Nothing I had done on Earth was being weighed or measured. It was simply the way my story had played out in one realm.
So that’s another lesson coming from the NDEs is part of the 10 of ’em is we are not judged. And I think one of the worst things we do to ourselves present day is we judge our thoughts, we judge our emotions, we judge our each other. And if we can just get rid of the judgment. That would be
De’Vannon: huge, right?
God is the God of mercy in, in the, you know, and you know, he [00:39:00] said, judge, not, you know, it’s really just that simple. But, you know, we learn all of that judgment from broken people who have positions of authority over our lives, you know, and things like that in society. But that, you know, from the beginning it was not so.
You know even the, I think
Nicole: I think, yeah, I think that’s one of the biggest issues I have with religion is the hypocrisy that goes on, especially with things like Jesus’s words. I mean, when people say, who would you like to have dinner with? I said, Jesus, I would like to ask him what he thinks of how people have interpreted what he has, quote said or not said based on the Bible.
Bless you. And one of the things is the judgment judge, not less G B B judged, you know, and they’re judging. You because you’re, you’re gay because you’re whatever the condition is. There’s just [00:40:00] still so much judgment and, and it’s causing so much fractionation and just anger and hatred and, and it, and it’s just like, wow.
That is not at all what Jesus meant by that. You know, it’s, it’s quit judging others and don’t judge yourself because that just lowers your esteem and lowers your own vibration. Mm-hmm.
De’Vannon: Right. Now, I’m curious some of the other, the common themes of near death experiences besides the white light. You, you said they had, they had done research to find some commonalities.
What are some of the other commonalities? Okay.
Nicole: We are never alone. That’s a big one because people believe like when the with the pandemic, a lot of people were dying alone, but we are never alone. The spiritual realm is always around us and when we die, Angels, deceased, loved ones. Even our deceased [00:41:00] pets, they meet us.
And so we, that’s why you see people, like, they’ll start grabbing at things as they’re dying. You know, they’ll, they’ll, and you’re going, what are they grabbing at? But it’s like they’re having a window into the other realm, across the ba. So they keep switching from that, that perspective to back here on earth, that perspective.
And then they finally transition. But we are never alone. We always have a spiritual angel guy, somebody with us. And I think that’s more from the human part of us that wants to be there for someone, for us to feel better about ourselves, that we were there. But I know, and I talk about this in the book, a lot of people choose to die when nobody is around.
My brother-in-law died from a l s at 51. House full of people. He waited till everyone was out of his room [00:42:00] at some point in the night and passed. He did not want anybody else around him, you know, and I know other people’s same situations. They had, had people monitoring, and when someone goes and gets a cup of coffee, the person, you know makes their transition.
So I think that is up to the person. And you don’t, you know, your, in my opinion, your job is to hold the space for that person as they as they go through this. And I know the human form with death because we are human. There’s still suffering, there’s still grief, pain, loss, and we have to carefully and compassionately hold and heal that with people.
But the cosmic context is benevolent and extraordinary of a what awaits us. And if [00:43:00] we know that true context, it’s gonna enable us to live a happier life and prepare for our own graceful passing, you know, not to be resistant and to support others as they approach their own transition. I know that was a lot.
Nicole: for me, so that’s another one. We’re not, we’re never alone. We are not judged. Everyone and everything is connected.
Okay? We are all energy. When we leave this body that breath. Think about it. When you see somebody at a funeral, they’re laid out. The cosmetologist has worked on ’em. They don’t, in my opinion, I don’t know about you. They just don’t look like they did. [00:44:00] They can never get their hair right or their makeup. It just doesn’t look like them.
Right? And that’s because the light, that beautiful light of the energy has been lifted out of them. And that’s that breath. The breath. If you see it on a cold day, you see your breath, it vaporizes, its energy transforms. And so we are all connected and we need to start paying attention to the energy and start thinking about, your energy affects me, mine affects, you know, we’re all in this, this together.
And it doesn’t matter the differences because when we. Transition. We go into that, that, that form of soul, which is energy. It’s not a human body.[00:45:00]
De’Vannon: I, I want you to talk about like your road to rehabilitation. So you let’s take it back like physically now, did you have to do like a lot of physical therapy? Were there multiple surgeries? Like when were you able to like, come out of the hospital and go home? Like, and then after that, did you have continued.
Rehabilitation. How did it work physically to get you back to, to good? I
Nicole: was in i c u now they took me to the closest hospital, which was a community hospital, and they were not prepared for trauma at that hospital, so they had to bring in, I was too critical to move. So they had to bring in ano another nurse.
I had to have two nurses on me at all times. I was so critical. They had to bring in nine different specialists. Okay. So they had to bring in an infectious d disease specialist from Denver, because I had three infections set in from all the fiberglass, the feces, the, the, all that stuff that [00:46:00] mixes up in you.
I got gang green and sepsis in my right leg. I almost, I was on the verge of amputation of that, and I didn’t know it until after it passed. So I was hooked up at one point to 10 different IVs. Okay. And. They had to do what they call a subclavian to put it in there because you run out of veins after a while.
So the doctor described to my mother, she is very, very, very three very sick. Okay. And every day it was, I don’t know if she’s gonna be alive or if she’s gonna die today. That’s how serious it was. I had to have a colostomy. I don’t know if many people know what that is, but that’s where they, they cut your where your bowels are and they pull out part of your bowel and they resection that so that you can go to the bathroom.
And so here I am at 19 and I wake up from a surgery with my [00:47:00] intestine in a bag, part of it, and going, I’ve never had sex with anybody. I, I, no one’s gonna wanna have sex with me, you know, when they see that back, cuz I couldn’t stand it. And so one was an emergency operation from all the infections and they I coded on the way to the operating room.
So they couldn’t give me the amount of anesthesia that they needed to put, put me out because they would’ve lost me again. So I went in, like on a muscle relaxer and of Tata anesthesia, and I could feel them, I could hear them talking, I could feel them pulling my stomach. But I couldn’t move, I couldn’t say anything.
And it was awful. It was awful to, to, to feel all this and to hear all this and not be able to do anything. You know, you’re just immobile. I had to have my foot sewn [00:48:00] back on, so I had to have. Two skin grafts done. They took it off my thigh and one was the inside of my right thigh that they had to, to plug up with this huge hole.
And then the other skin graft went directly onto the tendon on my foot to keep it together. It had a 5% chance of taking, and it did. And the doctor, it’s written up in the Denver Medical Journal because it was just unbelievable that it would graft without having to granulate and just. Here, right on the tendon.
Now, today, I still have issues. I have to wear those lovely compression socking, but I got my foot. I’m so grateful. I still have my foot. But you know, I have bowel issues from it, from the colostomy. They did reverse the colostomy, but it was, you know, I, I just, and then migraines and the va finally, finally, after 38 years, gave me a hundred percent, I call it [00:49:00] compensation.
I don’t call it disability, I call it compensation rating. And it took me that many times. I was on my third appeal and the VA rep from North Carolina just moved here. And he said, Nicole, it says, clear in your notes a patient thought initially dead on arrival. That means you had a head injury. Okay. So I don’t know how they have missed that all these years.
And we filed it with just that phrase. And next thing I know, the money showed up at the bank and I was granted, you know, permanent disability. And I’m just like, I, I think it’s just a persistence challenge with the VA and the right wording, because that was my last attempt. They only give you three, but I am finally in that and can get compensated in that, that realm.
So I don’t have to work because I worked for a long time and I have P T S D and that was only diagnosed two years [00:50:00] ago. So I’d been trying to push myself through things that were so stressful, making the p t s worse. And that has been a huge issue with me is trying to regulate my nervous system and get that on board to be more in a parasympathetic sympathetic state.
De’Vannon: You know, hearing all of what you’ve been through and everything like that, you know, perspective is everything, you know, and the thing that I was, and I, when I got H I v I was freaking out about what might happen. You know, there are for worse things that can happen and I’m not downplaying, you know, the seriousness of H I V and the, you know, hepatitis B, which I also have a history of, you know, but, you know, I feel like accidents like yours are, you know, are worse.
You know, cancers, hell Covid can kill you in two weeks, you know? Yeah. You know. I’m, I’m thankful that I’m at a point where I have a good attitude about the diseases that I’ve had to struggle with, [00:51:00] because now I see how bad it really could have been. You know, those diseases never actually did anything to me.
It was just my perception and fear of, of death that that really caused me to do self-harm to myself. And so I’m saying all that to say, people watch your perspective because you might actually hurt, you hurt yourself when you didn’t have to be hurt. And for other veterans out there trying to fight and battle and box with the VA for your disability, like the woman said, you gotta keep going.
It took a, it took time, but I got my, you know, my, my full rating too, that the, the VA is a breeding ground for the most wicked people who have. Never been veterans. And they come and they sit in there and they try to block us from getting our benefits. And it’s even worse when you have someone who was a veteran working at the VA doing the same sort of treachery.
So you do have to fight and sometimes you need to get like the D A V or the American Legion or an advocate to represent you. And [00:52:00] what I had to do, I live in Louisiana, but the New Orleans VA is so damn corrupt. People here go to other states. I had to go over to the Houston va, now I talk to the Los Angeles, you know, va I, I mean d a v I went to, I went to the Houston Vav and the Los, and I talked to the Los Angeles, d a v.
Any d a center can represent you cuz they’re all one big organization. It doesn’t matter what state you live in. And so if the VA in your town is fucking up and they’re full of assholes, go over to another state, you know, and, and the DAV can help you that all out.
Nicole: Yeah. Yeah. I remember I had sent in, I had gone to see, Three new doctors that all documented migraines had injury, because back then in the eighties, they didn’t have T b i traumatic brain injury that was not, you know, a known condition that people, you know, doctors were putting down.
And when the it came back rejected, not enough evidence. And I was like, did they even read that? [00:53:00] And when I called up there, they admitted that they hadn’t read it. There are so many claims coming through. And so that’s when I got the advocate here in North Carolina to help me. And he said, we’re gonna do this and let’s see what happens because you deserve it.
And I just wanted the validation that they now have a connection between P T S D and migraines that is clearly established. And if you have P T S D and you have migraines, then you should be getting compensated for both.
But anyway, so yeah, I totally agree with you on that. But I had to go through rehab. I had to learn to walk again. I started in a swimming pool. I went home in December. It was a big to-do. They met me at the airport. I had a kidney infection. I didn’t want anybody to touch me cause I was so in pain. But, you know, it was a slow slog.
And physically, and I will tell [00:54:00] you, it’s it’s challenging When it happens, you get so much attention and then as you get better, people just fall off. And it’s very lonely, you know, because you’re still having to pursue the rehab and your friends are in college, they’re having a good time, their lives go on, and you just feel like you’ve been, you know, gypped that and especially when you don’t have a memory of what happened, you know, and, and then you’re just expected to get on with life.
At least that was the expectation In my family, you look physically like you can do things again. So forget about your mind or your spirit. And I think there’s something, there’s spiritual abuse that goes on, and there’s spiritual amnesia and spiritual amnesia is what we all get when we get all these filters put on us as we start growing up.
And. [00:55:00] I love it. In my book, I talk about, I did neuro emotional technique for seven years with people including children. And I was with a little girl who was six years old who was coming from a evangelical background who was scared she was going to hell cuz she did something bad. Now she’s adopted so that’s even worse.
So I asked her how she sees God and she eagerly told me God is a blue spirit with colors and balloons in all different colors, no head and can talk. And clearly this little girl is having a direct experience with God, with no filters. And to me, of all the definitions I’ve heard, I resonate with that the best.
You know, there’s nowhere where there’s energy of God is not. And it just talks to you in a way that you talk to it, it’s your own. Relationship, you have to connect to it. It’s [00:56:00] a direct experience you have to come into. And I love all the colors because that’s what I saw on the other side was the colors.
You know, it was just amazing. And she saw ’em as balloons, you know, and it just I was just like amazed. And of course, her parents were like, when I told her there was no hell she looked at her mom, she goes, mom, is that true? There’s no, there’s no hell with fire in the devil down there. She goes, we’ll talk about that later.
And I never heard back from her, but, you know, I like to take that. Quote, because children are so innocent and they haven’t been subjected to all these indoctrinations and theories and you know, everybody is going to have a different concept of God. But know that from my experience and hundreds of thousands of others, that God is love and we will see our loved ones when we return home.[00:57:00]
And you know, I think loving ourselves and others is the most important thing we can do because when you truly love yourself, and I mean love. Unconditional love. All your mistakes, your messes, everything. When you understand that love does not have love is not only a verb and a noun and an emotion, but it’s an energy.
And when you’re around people who have that love energy, you can just feel it, you know? I don’t know if that’s the way you felt when I was reading your the, the end of your book and your epilogue with the pastor that passed away that was real influential. Sorry, I forgot her name. Evangel Nelson.
Yes. If she was like that for you, where she just lit up. You could see the light in her eyes, you could feel it, you know, she was, [00:58:00] and that to me is love. And that they accept you for just for your beingness. And that’s what we all need to unwrap ourselves from all these layers and get to that part of us, the being that we were born to be, which is our soul, which is just love and light and beauty and grace, and all these beautiful things.
De’Vannon: Let there be light, let there be light. Let there be so much light. Yeah.
Nicole: And that’s, we we’re light workers. That’s what you have a light above your head this whole time. And I’m just sitting there. It’s like you have a little, little halo kind of, and we are, you know, we are, this is my vocation now. You know, I’ve had occupations, but my vocation is to help people to try to understand it’s time to awaken, to stay, to get out of this unconscious, keep repeating generational things.
Start understanding your relationship [00:59:00] with what you call, or whatever the concept of God is, and how does that work in your life, you know, instead of waiting for something terrible to happen and then you start thinking and delving into this.
De’Vannon: That is so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so beautiful. And I thank you so much for sharing all that you have.
So tell us any, like, last words that you have and And and then I’ll go ahead and give everybody your website and everyth. Well,
Nicole: first of all, I have to say I love your beard being purple because that purple is royalty and purple is spirituality. Okay? So it’s a high vibration which you emanate so that, you know, hopefully our goal is to move our brave vibration upwards, you know?
But you know, I guess my main message, you know, it was what Spirit said is not be afraid of death, because if you are, [01:00:00] you’re not gonna truly live your life and. This world is so beautiful and I wrote this book because I wanna help other people with their fears about death and to support you through the loss of loved ones.
And I hope my book will inspire you to live fully and freely with your heart and your hands wide open. You know? And that’s, that was my intention. And it’s on Amazon, it’s on Barnes and Nobles. You can get it through independent books. It’s only what I told somebody the other day, we have these little fairs that come through and one came through Newburn and they were selling those funnel cakes and they were $10.
And I said, oh my God, my book is cheaper than the funnel cake. I was like, At 9 99, I was just like, all that work, 13 years to get this book outta me. And a funnel cake, which you eat in what? Five minutes? It was more than that. So it’s coming out on Audible [01:01:00] probably in the next month. I just finished my last recording of that the rerecord yesterday.
And people, that is not as easy as you think to read your own book. I don’t know if you’ve done that yet with your book. Yeah, I have, but
De’Vannon: it is hard. Oh yeah. It, it’s because it’s like you have to relive everything all over again. Yes. Every time you go through and you don’t just read through, you may have to reread each chapter, each section many times to get it right.
So you need therapy after you back and read your own book.
Nicole: Yeah. And then you hear yourself telling your story, and that’s like a, that’s a wow. So it was really it was a good thing to go through, but it was a healing, it was another layer in the healing process. And I just want people to know that too, is that healing takes time.
Get help if you’re stuck. There’s lots of resources out there. And to truly, truly come home to who you really are as a soul. [01:02:00]
De’Vannon: Alanis Mariette said it like this, let’s not equate death with stopping.
Nicole: Oh gosh, no, it’s, it’s just, you’re going on. It’s like John Lennon said, you just get outta one car and go into the next.
De’Vannon: Right, so, so her name is Nicole Kerr. The book is called You Are Deathless. I’ll put a link to Amazon and the show notes. The website is nicole kerr.com. That will go in the show notes. She’s on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and all of that will go in the showy notes. Is everything. Always does. Thank you so very much for sharing and shining your light upon us and with us today, Nicole and everyone.
Just remember that everything is gonna be all right.
Nicole: Thank you so much, Devon, and I really appreciate it. You’ve been a joy to talk to.
De’Vannon: Thank you all so much for taking time to listen to the Sex Drugs in Jesus podcast. It really [01:03:00] means everything to me. Look, if you love the show, you can find more information and resources at Sex Drugs in jesus.com or wherever you listen to your podcast. Feel free to reach out to me directly at Davanon Sex Drugs and jesus.com and on Twitter and Facebook as well.
My name is Davanon, and it’s been wonderful being your host today. And just remember that everything is gonna be all right.