INTRODUCTION:
My guest today is Paloma De La Hoz but you can call her “MoMa”. She’s helped hundreds of souls to reconnect with their sexuality, developing awareness, transforming their sex life consciously in order to develop healthy & deeply fulfilling relationships. She has also been able to teach women to have their first orgasms, whether on their own or with their partners.
MoMa knows that the phrase “sex therapy” can raise a few eyebrows, so here’s some reassurance that she actually knows what she’s talking about.
MoMa has a bachelor’s degrees in Psychology from PUCMMÂ University, and a Master’s in Human Sexuality and couples’ therapy.
This brilliant woman believes in the power of mindfulness & meditation. Her approach is both grounded & spiritual. MoMa uses a blend of science-based techniques and soul centered techniques to not only guide you, but to help you awaken your own inner-guide. Together she helps her clients invite love, empowerment & healing to the core of their beings.
MoMa guides both men & women both through intimate 1:1 coaching and group programs. She can help you explore how to connect to your body, your emotions and your desires, whether in or out of the bedroom.
INCLUDED IN THIS EPISODE (But not limited to):
· SPICY tips from a sexy sex therapist
· Anorgasmia defined
o Primary
o Secondary
o Situational
· How religion can interfere with sex
· How culture can interfere with sex
· Does nudity have to be sexual?
· The importance of thinking for yourself
· What Moma can do for men
· What Moma can do for women
· A fun exercise for couples
· The importance of love languages
· Positive Sexual Affirmations
· De’Vannon’s THIRSTY confession!!!
CONNECT WITH MOMA:
Website: https://linktr.ee/awaremoma
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithmoma
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/awaremoma/?hl=es
Twitter: https://twitter.com/awaremoma
YouTube: https://bit.ly/33C4zek
MOMA’S RECOMMENDATIONS:
30 Positive Affirmations for Sexual Confidence:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JPZODeW0rA
CONNECT WITH DE’VANNON:
Website: https://www.SexDrugsAndJesus.com
YouTube: https://bit.ly/3daTqCM
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SexDrugsAndJesus/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexdrugsandjesuspodcast/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/TabooTopix
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/devannon
Email: DeVannon@SexDrugsAndJesus.com
DE’VANNON’S RECOMMENDATIONS:
· Pray Away Documentary (NETFLIX)
o https://www.netflix.com/title/81040370
o TRAILER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk_CqGVfxEs
INTERESTED IN PODCASTING OR BEING A GUEST?:
· PodMatch is awesome! This application streamlines the process of finding guests for your show and also helps you find shows to be a guest on. The PodMatch Community is a part of this and that is where you can ask questions and get help from an entire network of people so that you save both money and time on your podcasting journey.
https://podmatch.com/signup/devannon
TRANSCRIPT:
[00:00:00]
You’re listening to the sex drugs and Jesus podcast, where we discuss whatever the fuck we want to! And yes, we can put sex and drugs and Jesus all in the same bed and still be all right. At the end of the day, my name is De’Vannon and I’ll be interviewing guests from every corner of this world. As we dig into topics that are too risqué for the morning show, as we strive to help you understand what’s really going on in your.
There is nothing off the table and we’ve got a lot to talk about. So let’s dive right into this episode.
De’Vannon: I enjoyed the fuck out of this super sexy conversation, I got to have this week with my homegirl in Colombia. Her name is Paloma, but you can call her MoMa for short. She has her Masters in human sexuality and couples therapy, and she is by far the sexiest license coach and sex therapist I have ever seen.
And she’s got the pictures on her social media and website to back it up. Now in this episode, we’re going to talk about how religion can interfere with sex. If [00:01:00] nudity really has to be sexual MoMa has advice for men and women and even couples as well. We round it off with some positive sexual affirmations and I have a little thirsty confession that I just had to gab about, and I regret nothing.
Please enjoy this episode.
Hello? Hello. Hello everyone. Today I have with me Ms. Paloma also known affectionately as Moma . And she’s recording from Columbia. How are you doing the day of my baby?
MoMA: Thank you so much for having me.
De’Vannon: Oh, thank you so much for joining me. I’m excited for this sexy conversation. We’re about to have my God researching you, your photos. I mean, we have ass, we have tits . We have so much positive sexual energy coming from you. You know, you are, you’re not our typical sex therapists. You know, you’re not none of your pictures.
You’re not sitting [00:02:00] behind a desk with a pen and pad you’re out in nature doing shit and engaging with your spiritual side. So this is going to be a very different take. And I just have to say one thing before I let you tell us about you, your name Paloma . When I went to a strip club when I was young, young, young, young, young, younger, and I think I was still in the air force and I was trying to like, hang out with the straight boys to see if I could become straight and everything like that, which doesn’t work if you’re not straight, but it was Poloma.
We went to the strip club and she was this tall, beautiful blonde, I think maybe Brazilian girl, I don’t know. I’ll never forget her white males and everything like that. And she was the first girl who, let me.
stick my finger in her policy. In fact, she insisted on it. I think I may have still been a Virgin at the time and women really get into that sort of thing.
[00:03:00] What young men? And so the name Poloma, she was the first Poloma ever met the stripper at this club with my fingers all a bit. Her pussy, until I know I met you. How does that make you feel?
MoMA: Oh, my God. That’s such a interesting story. Like you have a good memory of then.
De’Vannon: I I’ll never forget. Hello, my, as far as I’m concerned, all of the pillows in the world can do no wrong.
MoMA: Thank you for that.
De’Vannon: So tell us about your history and the passion that has driven you to become a sex therapist, a psychiatrist and everything like that.
MoMA: Okay. So I always was like, there you went into then that to like stood at a studied in mind the human mind. started as a psychology and, and [00:04:00] then like, during my bachelor, I was like kind of disappointed because I was like, oh my God. There’s like Office psychology. There’s the caching, all psychology and all this, but I never felt like an attraction for all these topics.
So then in the last semester, I, I, I took sex Sola sexology, and then that’s when I fell in love with the, with the subject. And then I decided to do like a master in sex and couples therapy and literally changing my life. Like I learned so much there. My passion of being like a sex therapy, a star when I started working with women that with in regards to me.
So I, I found myself very passionate about the fact that there’s some women that get to four years or 50 and they never experienced, experienced Like, [00:05:00] yo, this is like weird how a woman, the whole freaking LifeScan experience. I know you guys. And so, that’s when I started like feeling attraction to this like particularly problem.
And then that’s when I started to like, do, do some research keep preparing myself and I decided to like, create a program for women that struggled with in regards to Mia weed lights, lack of sexual confidence and stuff like that. So yeah, so far I, I feel very fulfilled with my job. I like the, I like to help women to, to get the sex life that they deserve and that.
De’Vannon: So what does that, that term? I keep hearing you’ve mentioned. Can you say it for me a little bit slowly, because it sounds like it’s it’s is it like a medical term for women who don’t have orgasms or,
MoMA: Exactly. [00:06:00] Yeah. Inorgasmia
De’Vannon: oh, in our gas Mia.
MoMA: yeah.
De’Vannon: I didn’t know that that was I mean, I knew it was a thing, but I knew it was like a whole term for it.
So that’s like a, is that like a medical condition?
MoMA: Yeah. It’s like a medical condition and it has like three different there’s like inner Gastonia situational, and it sees sessional injury gas. Now there’s primary energy, gas, Mia, and then there’s secondary inner gas. So each of this one, like if you want me to talk about each of one, I can have, if you want to continue to another question.
De’Vannon: Sure. Go ahead and burn it down. Because I know that you. You do like coaching and things like that. And so people can get a glimpse of the deep, how detailed, you know, your, your mind is and how deep your knowledge goes. So go for.
MoMA: Okay. So. Pre primary Anorgasmia . And this is the one that [00:07:00] there’s like happened to women that never experienced in regards now, like in their entire life. So this is like the most I think that the saddest of them all, then there’s secondary inner gas man. That is when, like a woman, half, like we’re capable of achieving our gasoline before and then like, certainly they can achieve anymore.
So that’s why secondary. And then there’s C tuitional anorgasmia Betty’s hap happens to a woman that can achieve orgasm by herself, for example, in masturbation or solo sex, but can achieve orgasm. We have partners. So that’s why it’s situational.
De’Vannon: I see what you’re saying. And so then talk to us about exactly what services you do provide as far as the coaching and everything like that. And then also want to know. What makes you different from everyone else?
MoMA: Okay. So my service included I [00:08:00] now have like a program that is called it sexual healing. That is eight weeks strong for national program that I like, I have one-on-one calls with the clients. I also have like an online course, so it’s like based on sex, educate them and ish topics. So each model talks about one topic.
So yeah, I think what makes me different if you, if you want me to brag about is that I’m asked to make a transformation in my clients. Like if they want to go to, if they want to go from point a to point B, I know I teach them how, because they probably want with data. I don’t know. So yeah. I mean like most of these women that have struggled with this kind of in regards to that is because.
Religion, either lack of sex education either not enough sexual confidence or I make sure of, of all. So yeah, I think that this [00:09:00] programs helps them like to get that sex education and understand like create like kind of change the program means society tells you about sex or the stories they have created about sex that are mostly bad.
So they shaved their, like they changed their mind, then they should change sex.
De’Vannon: Tell me, you said religion. How does religion stop a woman from achieving or gets.
MoMA: Okay. So it’s not particularly stop them from achieving. He, because it’s not that like, it’s not that specific, but like religion in fair with sex, because all the stuff that they say, like, I don’t know if you are a religious person or what, but most of like catalatic women that reached me out, they think that sex is only like for, not like to have pleasure.[00:10:00]
Most of this, of the stuff like they grew up thinking is that you can be this way on me. Like you can act sexually because are going to think bad of you or you just be like very. And behave, you know, like they, I don’t know, like I was, I was raised in religion and I tell you like, the stuff that they tell you about sex are old VOD.
So there’s not sex education in this, in this religion. There’s no, like people think they grew up, they grew up thinking that sex is only for one propose and not, it’s not like for you to have a pleasure a little life or to be like open sexually, you know? So, yeah, I think that’s the main problem in here.
Like religion plays a big, big role when people can have the sex life they want.
De’Vannon: Okay. what you’re saying is religion has taken. [00:11:00] The natural joy out of these sexual Well probably explains why so many, I’m going to throw a little bit of shade right now. You know, there’s why so many Republicans here in the states, that’s our conservative political party, the Republican party the ones who want to tell everybody else how to live, you know, while they always frowning and not smiling. Cause they claimed the highly religious and everything like that. I bet you though. They’re not having to know orgasms over there. So all of our problems in the United States, y’all boil down to orgasms. People need to get, get in touch with their bodies and we can get on as a country.
MoMA: Exactly. Yeah.
De’Vannon: And so, because, oh my God, you mentioned the C-word Catholicism. I know so many people who, who, who like used Catholic. Oh my God. And so And so, cause you, you, in, in my research, have you, [00:12:00] and you mentioned how you were growing up before you got, you got, you got a specific and you were saying how, like it was okay for like boys to say, to have like three different girlfriends, but if you were there to feel attraction for any boy than it was bad now, was that all religion or was that like a cultural thing too?
MoMA: Yeah, I think culture plays a big role too. So it’s a combination I must say is culture and religion. Because for example, in, back in my country, Dr. That’s something that happens like very, very often, like parents encourage little ma little voice to have like, Hey, you shall have three friends at school.
How many girlfriends you get today? And then they look at the girl and say, You shouldn’t be talking with boys, you shall be like behaving and covering yourself done. Don’t show your legs. [00:13:00] So this is something that really, really is in like in their programming there. And I, I believe that is in entire Latin America.
So yeah, I think culture and religion are like the main factors of why people grew up thinking that sex is bad. And then they have like unsuccessful sex lives because they just like, they have all these and they can get rid of all this stuff because it’s not easily, you know, like that’s why you actually need a professional to help you get there because it’s hard to fight with some programming that you have you’re entirely.
De’Vannon: Right. The dude, the mind is a motherfucker and we really, really, really do ourselves a good benefit once we get it under control. So this year is reminding me of like, say addiction struggles for us substances and things like that, because it’s like you to something that I’ve struggled with in life.
Cause you learn a certain pattern and it becomes second [00:14:00] nature to you. And even though it’s no longer serving you, you keep doing it anyway. And then you have to have professional help to help you to see where, where the thinking is divergent You know, th th the good plan you have for your life, you know, you need that outside look and which is where you come in.
And I heard you, when you were saying, like how the women are not supposed to, you know, y’all were told to keep your bodies cover. I read another story. When I was researching you such interesting stories, you do have my dear I’m going to this by saying I’m a part of the free tit movement for women.
I don’t care. I think y’all should be able to go in the grocery stores and everywhere with your boobies flopping around if that’s what the fuck you Cause you know, I don’t care. I think y’all should be able to do what you want to with your body and you were telling us and I was reading, there was a story where you were tanning on a beach in the Dominican Republic.
It was your first time being [00:15:00] topless. And so I’m really, in my opinion, ratchet ass friends of yours showed up and they took pictures of you without you knowing. And then they shared this, the people then you, you know, received insults and things like that. And the title of what you wrote was stopped session sexualizing, nudity, or at least that was the point of it.
If I’m not getting the title. I apologize. So to me about why we should stop sexualizing nudity. what was this experience like being topless for the first time?
MoMA: Yeah. So it was very interesting because I always consider myself like a wild PA or create, share, and like, I like to be naked. And as you, as you say, like, I always, I’m always like with my. Naples I’m showing and my teeth is out. So, so like, I, it was like hard for me because that you mentioned that day at division.
I remember it was [00:16:00] the first time I wouldn’t topless innovation VR, I was just, I think I was 23 or something. I don’t remember. And I was with a friend and she was like, oh my God. She was like, very empowering me for doing that. then like later that day, I remember that. Some of my, like my friends male friends, we’re telling them like, Hey, yo, like, look, you were famous and in Snapchat because is showing your tits and send in, like, you’re there.
So say in the stuff like, oh, she must be a slot or two mugs, be a hole because who the, who the fuck does, like who wish woman does that? Innovation BI. So, it wasn’t really interesting for me because I remember feeling bad for like a couple of seconds. And then I was like, this. I don’t care about this.
Like, this is not the kind of man that I want to be around. So that kinda like helps me to even bill book deal [00:17:00] more my like my sexual self even to honor who I am, because as I tell him that article is that people keep like, asked to she in sex with nudity because we came to this. Like literally Y I, I guess it’s easy to associate them because you make left naked, but in reality, we are supposed to be naked.
Like, I dunno. It’s just my thinking. yeah, I think I, I liked that part of empowering myself to be I am. I’m like honoring my sexual self by being whatever the fuck I want to go out. Or if I want to be naked in a certain feature in my insert. I’m like, that’s not, that’s not me. It’s my body. Like I remember when I was four years old telling my mom, Hey mom, please take pictures of me naked.
And my [00:18:00] mom agreed. So we, you know, like why, why I need to change even my mom. That was the one that brought me to this war was accepting me as as I am. So if I, if I didn’t have that, like, Let’s try and off continue being myself. Even though all my environment tells me, tells me like where it’s telling me to not be that way.
Maybe I shouldn’t be, I wouldn’t be helping women to achieve the sex life that they deserve.
De’Vannon: Amen. Amen. And amen. And that one, it says there that’s what the fuck for your mind, free your tits free. Everything has to be free.
MoMA: Yeah. Exciting.
De’Vannon: So when, when one thing that. That I read was a part of the reason why you do what you do is to you said I wanted to create my own way to understand this essential part of the human existence, talking about, you know, sex and everything to [00:19:00] help me so I can help others to heal so I can heal others to learn so I can teach others.
So I want to know what is it that you personally have had to healed from, or what is something that you’re currently struggling with yourself?
MoMA: Okay. I think that what I just like mentioned, I think plays a big role of me healing because just the fact that you like grew up in an environment that doesn’t allow you to be yourself is something it’s like, that’s something that you need to heal from. So I think fire of my encouragement of like being that way is that I can help others via that way.
Because a woman, I know like most of this, most of my clients, like wish to have this like. And Koresh to like, just being themselves, like, you know, but they are just [00:20:00] so strap it in the program in that they just like, like flow in this direction, even though they don’t want that. I think that like, maybe answer your question.
Like if I heal myself in this part, I can heal all others. I, if I like help women to accomplish this, this kind of like mental estate and freedom, think they will have like, they, they actually improve their sex life after changing the mindset.
De’Vannon: Everything boils down to the mine. So give us an example of a good client success story. One that really stands. You that you’re particularly passionate about. Tell me somebody who you really, really, really helped out and what happened with them.
MoMA: Okay. So let me think of one case. Okay. So there, there was a client of mine that she was struggling with situational inner gas, [00:21:00] she was able to accomplish orgasm, like by solo sex will, but not with her partner. Also, she was struggling because she wants to, to the relationship and the partner didn’t want to.
So from when she got, she got to meet, she has this kind of problem. After the eight weeks of working with her, she was I got some weed, her partner and she. What’s about to have her first reason with him. yeah, I mean, like, it was it was an interesting case because only the only thing she needed was like the range reassurance of like someone telling her that it was okay to feel this way okay.
Like you are not wrong for wanting to be three or one to like experience sex in a different way that you were, you were not taught to. So I think [00:22:00] yeah, I think what plays a big role when you’re working with clients is just like give them the power, the restaurants, and also like the education, because when people are educated, they like.
They have them all, like they have all because when you’re like in a state of, oh, I don’t know what stays, or I don’t know if I should’ve been feeling this way or stuff like that. Like from a point of fear, like then you act all the, all the stuff that you do is like acting from fear. But when, when you have these, like someone telling you, you can do this, you are like, you are okay doing this.
You know, like, it’s not that you are wrong. It’s just like society telling you. So when did this, they have this kind of like, like Singapore, they shaved their life, honestly.
De’Vannon: Well, we need is a little bit of support and reassurance so that we can believe in ourselves what we [00:23:00] believe is everything. I guess that’s kind of like I was mentioning earlier, well, I kind of alluded to it, you know, when I was fingering the other Poloma at the club, you know, I wasn’t there. I was there a bunch of straight guys, so I would much rather have been having sex with the guys, you know, I was there trying to see if I could become straight.
And I, why did I ever think that there was anything wrong with me? Not me straight, you know, God never told me that, you know, people told me that, you know, and put that in my head. And then I decided to receive that if you know, and that was taking time for me to actually believe that I’m okay. But the, what we think is wrong with us and not okay with us does not even start with us.
It starts from some somebody else, you know, or some ex external force.
MoMA: Exactly. Yeah.
De’Vannon: Yeah. So I’m happy for her and her first three-way like that. That can be [00:24:00] very, very fun when you open up a relationship. I love how in the old Testament of the Bible, there are so many examples of open relationships and things like that. So I feel fine about open relationships myself too.
So you see couples and individuals on the individual side of things that are you seeing individual males or is it just female?
MoMA: So at this point is like I was working mostly with females, but like this past, this last month, I’m open to like, to working with men too, honestly. I have like an increase of males talking, like reaching out to me because they want to have like a call and someone that they can like vent to and talk openly about sex because that most people like lack right now.
They sex is not like an easy topic to talk. So people, even though they have a trust with you, like they have friends and family, they don’t feel [00:25:00] comfortable talking to. So this happened more with males. So I’m opening like my service to men too. Yeah, for example, in my sexual Kilian, the one that I was talking about a bit ago, I, I work mainly with females, like until the seven weeks then the last week I E if they have a partner, I have like a session with them mold and yeah, it’s very interesting because I always like to see the other side of the story when I talk with them.
So it actually helps them as a couple and helps helps my female clients to like also. Up in herself more. And when I, when I like when I have these sessions, this couple sessions, you know,
De’Vannon: how long were there the session
MoMA: how long you mean the in like in time,
De’Vannon: yes. in time,
MoMA: one hour?
De’Vannon: And are you giving them homework to do and all of [00:26:00] that or.
MoMA: Yeah. I give them homework and also like each module have workbooks. So the workbooks like usually have seven or six stacks and questions and also like journaling prompts. So yeah, it’s very complete.
De’Vannon: Okay, That’s all cool. So, so I was reading also how the work that you do helps people both in and out of the bedroom. And we may have talked about this some, but I want to go deeper into how sexual confidence sexual healing can translate into areas of our lives outside of actual sex itself.
MoMA: Okay, interesting question. I always talk about how, when a woman or even a male, like even I’m in, like, if they’re having a sex life or a sex life that they are [00:27:00] fulfilled, think they like do well in all the areas of their life, because. It happens in my experience. And I see that in my friends and in my clients as well.
Like a woman is empowered in bed in the bedroom, like this woman has the strength to go outside in the war and be herself like in, in her business, in her, by, in her relationships, in, in all areas. Because like what I think, what I found is that when when people don’t have like confidence in, in the bathroom, in the bed, like, or with the partner, like they lack this confidence in all areas of their life.
So when you change that, actually you create a change in their entire life. And the entire life is.
De’Vannon: I agree with you and why? I think that is.
My dear is because [00:28:00] of how inherent feelings are us. know, God created sex. Humans didn’t create sex. You know, try to control it, but it actually wasn’t our idea, you know, it came from a spiritual being. And so the one who created us, you know, if you choose to believe that, and so it’s like breathing.
It’s like eating, like you, you think about food, you think about, you’re even thinking about breathing, but you know, you, you feel sexual,
MoMA: Um,
De’Vannon: you want to or not, you know, so it was with is with us everywhere we go. And so if you feel arousal or you feel sexual, you think about yourself and you don’t have a positive of that.
You don’t have positive experiences or you don’t have a positive state of mind about it. I could see how that could pull you down everywhere that you go [00:29:00] and, you know, and, and, and forest like people or the church or whatever, trying to, to shame people or tell them that sex. Isn’t good. You know, I believe that creates internal conflict in us because we’re fighting against something.
That’s a natural, it’s like trying to stop yourself from breathing, you know? And when you have that internal struggle inside of you, I could see how that could infiltrate other areas of your life because you’re not really, truly at peace and you’re not really, truly hold.
MoMA: Yeah.
De’Vannon: And so, so sexist is positive is a part of who we are. And I want you to talk about sex and how this gets in, in, and just run with that because I think this is a huge thing that I think sets you apart as well.
MoMA: Yeah. So [00:30:00] I like, I believe Tantric sex can help individuals and couple as well to like, try to control themselves better in insects, like to, to develop sexual trusses or sexual. How I say like a sexual strength, because like, if, if it has, you know, like tantra sex is about holding, like saving the orgasm and like just having sex for hours and.
Trying to like control this natural response of the body of having their gas. And so once you master this, you are mastering like a big part of what is sex. So when you have this, like when you want, when you alow your body to actually come, then you are like the one that is in control of this. So [00:31:00]yeah, I, I think it’s a practice that can helps people to build this sexual instrument and also like, to feel more connection with a partner.
Like if you, if you do this, this courses or this practice with a partner is like kind of a strange relationship. And yeah, I think we is like a very interesting why not, and, and sing a spinalis drama is like a very interesting If I can say like tantra sex is something that can be really helps individual and couple as well.
De’Vannon: So, so as you mentioned, individual so you’re saying most of the men. Come to you for communication. It sounds like at one of the other quotes that I’ve pulled from your, from, I think your Twitter feed say, you were saying that good sex comes to those who communicate. And I believe that we’re talking about how we communicate with [00:32:00] ourselves as well.
as with our partner or partners.
So in the way that you’re helping a man, it, sounds like that they are like, they like to communicate with you maybe, whereas they can’t talk to their partners. Maybe they can talk to You can you give me like an example of like, maybe like an exercise you might give like a guy to, to, to do or to go home with it that might help him
MoMA: You mean, like talking about communication.
De’Vannon: communication or whatever it is he might be seeing you for.
MoMA: Okay. So I think there’s a Butler in, in, in this, in like a man. What I have noticed is that they, most of them like a struggle, we’d talk, can we, their partners about what they want. Like, I always listened to them. Like I wish my partners do this or do [00:33:00] that, but I’m afraid to talk to them because they get offended easily.
Or they think that I’m like suggesting of them to be in a certain way or, you know, This like these fear of one, not like not feeling comfortable talking openly. I think there’s like, I always have, like, I have a good exercise for this and it’s like, take your partner and draw like a human body. And then with our cold Lord, like a green color, you call the parts that you like to be touch.
then we dyed red color. You, you draw the parts that you don’t like to be touched. And it’s like such a simple, and even like, it’s like, I sometimes I feel like childish doing this exercise, but it helps so much because. People like, don’t talk about sex. They are so afraid. Like they are so awkward. So I encourage them to own the [00:34:00] acronyms and talk like, if you are not the kind of people that are extroverts, just do this exercise, like draw, like, like a kid again with your partner and like, them how you like to be touched or what, like, like why do you like to touch a lot, like in their bodies, you know, like, I think communication is key.
People don’t see this, but communication can improve so much sex life. Also. I always recommend men to know which kind of love language their partners have. Love languages are such a good life hack to know, because sometimes you are expressing love in a certain way, but your, a partner to the loft language is not that.
So you’re like doing nothing. So at the end of the day, like you are trying to express loss, but you are not good. Like your partner is not getting the message because this, they don’t like interpret, [00:35:00]interpret love in this way. So knowing which love language is your partner is like, honestly, a lifetime.
De’Vannon: Okay. So I love what you said about the exercise of red and the green, because tend to associate green is good and red is Generally speaking, you know, traffic lights and everything like that. You know, it doesn’t have to be in spiritual circles, especially pretty much all, all colors are positive, but what, what that sort of exercise does is, is retraining the brain, you know, in the spirit, you know, or like you would a child, like you said, it is kind of childish, but I love it.
We’re all kids at heart, you know, you know, red is hot. Don’t touch that.
MoMA: Yeah.
De’Vannon: And now y’all when she’s talking about love languages. There’s if you, you know, research love languages, there’s a book out there about that and there’s information on the internet, it’s talking about a way a person receives affection. So I think, you know, one might be [00:36:00]physical touch. Another one might be words of affirmation.
Another one might be like gifts or no, it might be doing service work, like cleaning a house or doing laundry. So. So what, so my girl here at Ms. Mama saying, it’s like, if your girl would prefer you to say nice things to her, and that’s how she receives love. And she would rather, you say nice things to her, rather than YouTube buy her a gift.
MoMA: Oh,
De’Vannon: And or if she would prefer a service work, he would rather come home to a clean house or the laundry being done rather than you to say a bunch of nice shit to her all the time. And so the point is getting getting understanding of what your partner prefers rather than assuming they want that way, your chances of successful increase
MoMA: wow. You know too much about this.
De’Vannon: And so thank you my sleep. And so, because another [00:37:00] thing you say that on your, in my research and you, you said that what you’ve learned is that not to assume anything, unless it is communicated.
MoMA: Yes.
De’Vannon: And then when I read that I reminded of, of how. I want, there was a time that I was trying to get this a guy who was like bisexual to a point, you know, into a relationship and how you, and how you talk about how we can get into these fantasies in our heads about what we think a person wants to, how we think it’s going to be and everything like that.
But we have. We haven’t cleared this with this individual, know, we’ve run off with this fantasy in our mind and that doesn’t make that doesn’t make it a reality. It doesn’t mean it’s going to come true. We’ve got to open our mouth and communicate that way. We don’t set ourselves up to be let down. So I decided, but I wasn’t going to have him.
And it was going to be this whole great life together. know, [00:38:00] everything like that. You know, he got real with me. He, you know, he was like, he only wants to have sex with boys, but he will only date and have relationships with girls. it was what it was. I’m all like, no, no, no. You know, I’m going to change how, I mean, I wasn’t going to be like, thank God. I am not to be insecure in thirsty life that anymore. Ooh, I was thirsty. And so. So talk to us about the dangers of running away with fantasies in our head, assuming, especially like this, you know, when somebody is telling us what they or don’t want, but we refuse to hear it because we are so set in what we’ve already determined in our head, because some people I think are doing this and not realizing it.
MoMA: Yeah. I mean, that’s interesting. You mentioned that [00:39:00] because that happens so much, like sometimes people start fantasizing and like they have old D they have created all of these stories, like in their heads and they like where they’re confronted with reality, they are so disappointed. And so like you know, like, so sad.
So that’s why you mentioned something that is very, very important and it’s like to have a strong, strong confidence and also like. No of your war, like, no. What you, what you, what are your in this? Like, even though this person like, is not, that happens a lot. Like, I, I think in, in, in the LA LGBT community like, that happens to me.
We don’t want a, that she old, she, she thought I was like completely lesbian and I don’t consider myself as me and what I play with So she was like making herself, like she was, she [00:40:00] was like, kind of telling everybody that she wants me to be girlfriend and and that. And then like, I needed to take care and then like, Hey, look, I honestly appreciate you.
And who you are, but I’m not like I don’t consider myself lesbian. Like I, even though we played together. I don’t see myself in a, we don’t want a man. And then she was like, my God, I saw you like three, four telling all these people that you were my girlfriend and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, no, no, it’s okay, baby.
Like, but this doesn’t like, do doesn’t need to change you are because just like, it’s just like my inclination or, or my what I like or what I don’t like. So people in this situation needs to ask, because communication is key before you assume, like, just ask, Hey, this like, this something that you want, is this something that you see?
Because then that, that [00:41:00] can really like fucks up your mind. You know? Like if you are not aware of.
De’Vannon: Yeah, it never ceases to amaze me how little people are comfortable talking about sex, but we’ll go out and do it five days a week. You know, just this, this, this have do a whole lot of sex and everything like that, but cannot really articulate. What’s being done. You know, it’s something about the power of words.
MoMA: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Father of words.
De’Vannon: Now let’s talk about men for a moment on, I think I got this from your Twitter feed. You wrote a post you dear men, habits, or a huge turn on for women is I wanted to talk about some of these habits that you, as you like in men, shall we.
MoMA: Yeah. Yeah, of
course.
De’Vannon: the first one you say is cut out [00:42:00] substance abuse. What sort of experience have you had that would make you put that on?
There was the first thing you wrote.
MoMA: Okay. So I always like to, to mention the difference between like I’ve used any use, because you can, like, you can use that substance, for example, you can even, coffee’s a substance, so you can drink a coffee, you can drink alcohol, you can even smoke weed or whatever, but if there’s like a fine line between use and abuse.
So I guess when people in Korean, like in this behavior of abuse of a substance where they are, we can then solve. So I always like to mention this, like, even to my friends or family, or more than that client, it’s like, it’s not about not use in something is about not.
De’Vannon: Fair. And Then you say, [00:43:00] be passionate about your business.
MoMA: Yeah, I think that’s, for me, that’s a big, big turn on when I see him in, like, there, there is like drive and passion, drive it by his business, like why he does, you know, like, I think that gives me an into to someone when you like, actually have something that you want to wake up and do, and like try trying to change the horror in a certain way or in your own center when, or even trying to change yourself.
So you can see like, so you can create a shape in the world. So I think that, honestly for me, is something that I always look for in a partner, like someone that is really, really passionate about what he does, even if it doesn’t, if it doesn’t own a business, but the. Like the company that he works for, for example, that he feels good about working with them.
You know, also that gives them meaning, meaning in life.
De’Vannon: Yeah.
Having [00:44:00] meaning in life is super crucial and you know, I’m going to be 39 this Thursday. So I’m approaching my Cougar years and I couldn’t be more thrilled. My boyfriend’s 25. I’m about to be 39. This is, this is, this is the life for me. This is the way to live darling and F I am getting more cougars.
beginning to be more turned on by the stuff that you’re talking about. so much like the six packs and the, you know, in the chisel jaw lines and all the typical masculine traits. But, you know, I need that spirit to be right. I need that motivation. I need that drive. I need that ambition. And I think maybe just this year, hell maybe within the last like month or a couple of months, I’ve started to feel this way. Passion is sexy and, and I’m, I’m, I’ve become turned off by guys who don’t seem to know what they want to do. Or at least in our not really, really trying to figure it out. When you say in here get [00:45:00] daily sunlight, that seems so simple that I really, I really want you to explain why it’s, why it’s there because you go from cutout substance abuse to get Bailey sunlight.
So.
MoMA: Yeah. I mean like people are not aware of how important it is, sunlight and like, even to sun, your genitals, like when you get this kind of energy, that is vitamin D actually are like, you like the S good benefits that you are giving to your body healthy. about health, like health, talking about emotions, talking about Everything.
Like when I have, I have found this in my experience, like I used, I used to not take sun. Like I was, I’m an Islander, so I always was like afraid of faking sign. And then like, when I started to do some research about the benefits of sun, like taking sunlight and signing your genitals, like [00:46:00] if I see such a difference in my life, like for real that’s why they say, when people live in, like in cities that don’t have sunlight or always like gray sky people get depressed because that’s the, like, that’s something so real and so misinterpret interpreting, because what I see is that if you see like the Marius, the stream media stream, like nobody wants you to take sun and this is still simple.
So I think there’s something in there that honestly people need to reach, like do. Do we show me information because in my experience has changed my life.
De’Vannon: So you’re saying son in genital. So you do so you’re going fully nude on the beach is what you’re talking about.
MoMA: Yeah,
exactly. I opened my legs and it’s on my genitals.
De’Vannon: all right, so we get sun on our dicks and pussies. They work better.
MoMA: Yeah. Yeah. It’s actually very for the [00:47:00] reproductive health.
De’Vannon: Yeah.
MoMA: Yeah. Yeah. He knew is in these free.
De’Vannon: Right. And And then you mentioned for men to stop hanging with losers. So you seeing guys being negatively impacted by hanging around guys or are they like pulling them down or holding them back on unfold? That for me.
MoMA: Yes. That’s something that I also have seen in my experience, like when a man is surrounded by. Successful people in a certain way. And success is like something they reality, but because success for you can be success for me, it can be like something just being surrounded by people that are like, for example, passionate about their business or that take care of them, have them like, or have like a good, healthy average.
So like for me, that’s success. So when I see people that are there, [00:48:00] like some men are surrounded by this kind of like men that are only thinking or like, oh, let’s just go there and let’s just get drunk and get some women go back to the apartment and fuck them. Then buh-bye, you know, like this kind of energy on this label, you like not accomplish everything that you want in life.
Because as I say, like, we have a say in, in, in Dr. That is like, tell me who you are. And I will tell you. How are you going to be in a year? So if you surround yourself with people that are not like self aware of what they want in life, you can literally like, stay in this, this broad, you can, you can easily be driving to just be, be like them.
So when I referred to looser, it’s just like people that are not maybe like, they don’t want to find me, or they don’t care about their business or they don’t care about even [00:49:00] their health. They just like are focused on us. I say, going out, getting women and buh-bye, you know, so yeah, that’s what I refer when, when I’m talking about losers,
De’Vannon: Or as B would say broke boys don’t deserve no pussy. And broke is not the sec, have not just financially broke means being a loser, being have fucked up energy. All of that. If you are, no, you are broken. You’ve got to get a hold of my fellows. Yes, definitely. Do you not love that party? A yo.
MoMA: Yeah.
De’Vannon: Now you also say dominant men and don’t control women. You say their energy is dominant. Their presence itself gives safety and security women bass in it. So [00:50:00] help men understand that. What you’re talking about here, when you say dominant men, don’t control women, dominant men, don’t control women. Their energy is dominant.
MoMA: Yeah. I wouldn’t even refer to this AME. I’m referring to all for men, like the kind of men that knows how. To on a woman or on a individual, because even, even in like gay couples, we see always there’s an offer. There’s like the other one. So I, what I’m trying to say in this, like not about a man one day to control a woman.
But when you have, when you like find yourself in this kind of energy, that is like, because the man is dominant, you actually like led yourself to flow or lead yourself to the lead because you know, like you feel safe in their energy. So it’s not about like, is more about like what this kind of energy creates in you.[00:51:00]
De’Vannon: All right. Kick ass. We’re going to talk about some positive affirmations here. You.
have a really cool like meditation video on your YouTube channel and all of this will go in the show notes. You gave us 30 positive affirmations for sexual confidence. We’ll just talk about a few of them and then we’ll get into giving you the last word here.
You know, as we go here in a little bit, so I’ve listened to a lot of meditations in my Monday, I’ve been to all kinds of meditation circles and everything like that, but ain’t, none of them been specifically about sexual confidence. And you say some interesting things in here, shall we have a discussion?
MoMA: yeah.
De’Vannon: So so you say I have intense and frequent sexual orgasms that satisfy my body and mind. Um, I know that when you say is, I [00:52:00] am easily aroused. I love the way my body looks Now these are the sort of things people struggle with. And it sounds simple, but I bet you that there’s a lot of value to saying this to ourselves because this is helping to rewrite the negative things we’ve learned.
Talk to us about why you made this positive affirmation for sexual confidence video.
MoMA: Indeed. Exactly. Just what you mentioned, like when I believe in the power of affirmations, because that. Works in the negative programming that we, we are we have in ourselves. So when, like, even if this, like, I, I started doing affirmations when I was like in a really bad state in my life, and it wasn’t even like sexual affirmation.
So it was more like, I am happy, allowed my feelings are allowed to [00:53:00] be here and stuff like that. But then like when I start, when I, I started to see the change in my mindset of doing this, I like, I wanted to do this in a sex way, because like, when I give my clients this affirmations to practice, they actually.
If they do it periodically, like if they practices like in a regular basis that they make a change, like when you tell yourself, when you talk softly to yourself, this kind of like creates such lush, powering you because you are you, if you don’t believe in yourself, nobody else will. So when you give yourself these kind of affirmations and repeat them out loud, you are creating an environment of like state in, in, even in your house, in your room, whatever, where you do this, you are just putting yourself in the right energy.
[00:54:00] So yeah, I think I’m, I want I more drive to do more because I just did that, but yeah. should thank you for reminding me of this, because I think there’s so much power, like just to be positive and affirmation stuff that you want to create in your
De’Vannon: Right. So y’all, we can put you know, sexual things on our vision boards too, you know, it doesn’t have to all be houses and money, you know,
MoMA: Yeah.
De’Vannon: but there or an orgasm, a woman orgasming or something. And so another one you said I accept rejection from sexual partners with respect. And I wanted to talk about this one because the way I see some people handle rejection is so damaging.
And so what I’m thinking, you’re saying here is like, if somebody rejects you, they say you’re not pretty, or your, your body is not good enough or something about you just doesn’t work for me. For whatever [00:55:00] reason. It seems like the wisdom here is to respect what they said, but not necessarily take it into yourself as your reality and internalize it.
MoMA: Yeah. I’m yeah, exactly. Like when someone rejects you, you need to know that is something that is in them, not in you like this, doesn’t, it doesn’t determine your value as person or whatever. It’s just like a moderate of what this person likes or don’t like, or even like, even the person rejects you in a way.
Like, I think they more have like some unresolved issues in themselves because I always believe you can reject someone, but in a, like in a. But the empathetic way, you know, so when I tell them, it’s just like a step we’d love that this person either, or have some problems or either just don’t like you and the fact that this person doesn’t like you though don’t change your value as a person.
And it doesn’t mean that [00:56:00] someone going to come alone and then just find you the most attractive person in the world. So yeah. Just see them, see this as something separate from you.
De’Vannon: Garlic. It not have said that better I hope people really perk up and listen to what you.
have to say, because too many of our lives are dominated by you know, in a negative way by other people. You
MoMA: Yeah. Yeah. So true.
De’Vannon: what is your favorite positive sexual affirmation?
MoMA: I always like to tell myself, I honor my sexual. Because I believe that when you honor yourself, you know, in every area of your life, even sexual or not, like you are just making your existence valued, and you are the one that may needs to make your access in Bali, because [00:57:00]nobody will do this for you.
So when you honor yourself, you do the stuff you want. You do. Like, even if it’s just like go to this to go on a date with this person, and you are honoring yourself to go and have the courage after a break up to do this is because like you, you honor the space you are in this time of the, like in this time and in this space in the world.
Like, so when you honor yourself, you are giving yourself reassurance and the power of the, whatever the fuck you want.
De’Vannon: the, whatever the fuck you want.
I know that’s right. So this is my last question for you. And then I’m gonna let you have the last word. I was like, let my guests have the last word and you can tell the world whatever you want to tell the world. So w what I want to know, just lastly, what, what would you like to say about the vagina [00:58:00] and the female orgasm that you think most women don’t know?
MoMA: I will tell them please stop faking, not done Dawn say here, because you are just doing harm to yourself. And I know that it’s hard. I know that you don’t want your partner to feel bad because you are, you are not capable of achieving orgasm, if you keep faking, then you’re going to be in a rut that is going to be very hard for you to get out.
So if you are listening to me and you’re faking your costumes, like you have, you have a solution, but you need. Be aware of this, accept this so you can make a change.
De’Vannon: Well shit, bitch. That’s not what I was expecting you to say, but I’m going to get a lower to get Lordy, but I’m glad you said it. I mean, and I never thought about [00:59:00] it that way. But yeah, but I mean, mean, every time a woman or should, I guess anybody is faking an orgasm, I suppose they’re programming their bodies that way in their minds that way. And honestly, it’s not the truth at the end of the day.
It’s a it’s, it’s a, it’s a fucking lie, even it’s
MoMA: Exactly.
De’Vannon: meant from a good place. But when we’re doing that over and over again, like that, I could see that I can see what you’re saying. Oh my God, my God. I need to get, I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I kind of wish I was a woman, so I could get some, a woman advice from you. All right. Let me, let me hush my mouth for just a second here. So, now you just tell us Ms. Mama, anything at all, whatever it is you want to say, just go ahead and preach.
MoMA: So I, I want to tell everybody to [01:00:00] have these two stuff in mind, like when you are struggling with a sex life that you don’t want, or you are not happy with communication is ski sex education. And also like, be aware of your own toxic traits and I saved them. So you can send you get so you can make a change.
De’Vannon: You’re here. It is what it is. Let’s be real. Let’s be real about it.
MoMA: Amen
De’Vannon: And where can people find you my dear?
MoMA: So you can find me in all social media. At aware moma also my website is awaremoma.com.
So I I’m open to DM’s Like if you wanna just reach out to me and tell me your situation, or always reply fast.
De’Vannon: [01:01:00] thank you so much momma for coming on the show, it has been such a pleasure to have you here, and it’s been so great to have a real sexual
MoMA: thank you so much for having me honestly, was one of my vest interviews so far.
De’Vannon: Thank you all so much for taking time to listen to the sex drugs and Jesus podcast. It really means everything to me. Look, if you love the show, you can find more information and resources at https://www.SexDrugsAndJesus.com or wherever you listen to your podcast. Feel free to reach out to me directly at DeVannon@SexDrugsAndJesus.com and on Twitter and Facebook as well.
My name is De’Vannon and it’s been wonderful being your host today and just remember that everything is going to be all right.
