Episode #42: Bonding Based Lovemaking, Family Constellations and the Power of the Subconscious Mind with Carolin Hauser, Author, Naturopathic Doctor, Humanistic Psychotherapist and Family Constellations Facilitator

INTRODUCTION:

 

Carolin Hauser, German-trained Naturopathic Doctor, Humanistic Psychotherapist, and Family Constellations Facilitator, is the author of the Award-winning book “Blossom: Your Seven Steps To Sexual Healing” and Creatrix of the Pleasure IQ and Blissful marriage Method. Carolin hosts the bi-weekly podcast “Divine Unity,” a show on Love, Sex, and Spirituality. Carolin is an internationally recognized speaker and teacher on the subjects of spirituality, relationships, emotional healing, and Bonding Based Lovemaking. She combines her knowledge about energetic healing and conscious co-creation to help couples go from feeling frustrated, stuck, and disconnected in their intimacy to feeling deeply connected, excited, and fulfilled so that they can feel whole and fully expressed in life, and are able to create honeymoon feelings that last. Her work is based on the intersection of cutting-edge intimacy advice and practically applied quantum physics and biology. It shows how each individual’s authentic and true self is the source of one’s own good – a place of unlimited abundance, creativity, courage, and joyful existence.

 

 

INCLUDED IN THIS EPISODE (But not limited to):

 

·      Bonding Based Lovemaking 

·      Family Constellations

·      The Blissful Marriage Method

·      Surviving Anorexia and Bulimia

·      The Power of the Subconscious 

·      The Cost of Evolution 

·      What’s Wrong With Orgasms?

·      How to Have Sex Without Intercourse

·      The Dangers of Overextending Ourselves

·      How Dopamine is Connected with Becoming Boredom With Our Partners

·      Let’s Not Wait Till We Get to Heaven to Experience Paradise

 

CONNECT WITH CAROLIN:

 

Website & Books: http://carolinhauser.com/free-training/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/CarolinHauser

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CarolinHauser/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinisabellehauser/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/CarolinHauser

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carolin-hauser-1b103111/

 

 

CAROLIN’S RECOMMENDATIONS:

 

Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow: https://amzn.to/3ihYjww

 

 

CONNECT WITH DE’VANNON:

 

Website: https://www.SexDrugsAndJesus.com

YouTube: https://bit.ly/3daTqCM

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SexDrugsAndJesus/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexdrugsandjesuspodcast/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TabooTopix

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/devannon

Email: DeVannon@SexDrugsAndJesus.com

 

 

DE’VANNON’S RECOMMENDATIONS:

 

·      Pray Away Documentary (NETFLIX)

https://www.netflix.com/title/81040370

TRAILER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk_CqGVfxEs

 

·      Upwork: https://www.upwork.com

·      FreeUp: https://freeup.net

·      Disabled American Veterans (DAV): https://www.dav.org

·      American Legion: https://www.legion.org

 

INTERESTED IN PODCASTING OR BEING A GUEST?:

 

·      PodMatch is awesome! This application streamlines the process of finding guests for your show and also helps you find shows to be a guest on. The PodMatch Community is a part of this and that is where you can ask questions and get help from an entire network of people so that you save both money and time on your podcasting journey.

https://podmatch.com/signup/devannon

 

 

TRANSCRIPT:

 

[00:00:00]

You’re listening to the sex drugs and Jesus podcast, where we discuss whatever the fuck we want to! And yes, we can put sex and drugs and Jesus all in the same bed and still be all right at the end of the day. My name is De’Vannon and I’ll be interviewing guests from every corner of this world as we dig into topics that are too risqué for the morning show, as we strive to help you understand what’s really going on in your life.

There is nothing off the table and we’ve got a lot to talk about. So let’s dive right into this episode.

De’Vannon: Good day to everyone. And thank you so much for joining the six jugs and Jesus podcast. Yet again, today, I’m talking with Carolyn Houser, she’s a German train, the nature of pathic doctor and humanistic psychotherapist and family constellations facilitator.

And this whole episode is about using unconventional means to solve life’s problems. So in today’s show, Carolyn is going to give us a unique look into orgasms. We’re going to talk about how she survived [00:01:00] anorexia and bulemia, we’re going to get into the dangers of overextending ourselves.

And then we’re going to talk about how dopamine is connected with becoming bored with our partners. And ultimately this is all about. How we can get paradise here on earth, rather than waiting till we die to get it in heaven. Have a good listen. Good morning, morning. Good morning, Caroline. Carolyn. Sorry. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to the sex drugs and Jesus podcast. How are you today? My lovely lady.

Carolin: I’m great. I’m excited to be here. 

De’Vannon: I’m so excited to, to have you, my dear. So you have quite a few, titles associated with your name. And so right off the off the bat, I want to, I want you to break down. What these different things are because anybody who researches you is going to see this. And it all sounds quite impressive and everything like that.

But I want to know what it is. So [00:02:00] there’s three things. It’s your, your, your bio was telling me when I researched you that you’re a German train nature, pathic doctor, a human stick, a humanistic psychotherapist, and then a family constellations facilitator. There’s a whole, that’s on like some cool shit. So what it is.

Carolin: So naturally I was trying to germinate to be a naturopathic doctor. And naturopath is basically like a medical doctor. We just learn to treat things natural way, and we’re not allowed to do surgery, or we’re not allowed to treat infectious diseases and give immunizations, but then we have to be able to diagnose everything.

And because it’s more of a natural, You know, way of medicine, reason why I studied it in Germany, it allows you to touch people and basically do counseling or do therapy. Like psychotherapy, that’s also including touch. So I was very much interested in the connection between our soul and our body and our and our body and that kind of stuff.

So that’s why I studied that. And then the humanistic [00:03:00] psychotherapist is also a little bit different than marriage, you know, a licensed marriage counselor. He wanted to stick second pair therapy is very much on principles where we include the whole human being. So my understanding is in the United States, when you’re a marriage and family therapist, you’re not allowed to touch people.

And for me and everything that I’ve studied in terms of trauma healing, and really helping people heal their nervous systems, do have to work with the body and I’ve always been wanting to be able to, you know, help people and also touch them, or, you know, like there’s a lot of body work modalities that are deeply.

 Healing that goes hand in hand with actually helping you heal your psychological stuff or the trauma that you’ve encountered. So for me, I’ve always looked at healing as something that goes hand in hand, and then the family constellations is a modality. That’s an energy worker modality that really helps you basically when you have blocks.

So when you don’t, when you’re keep doing the same thing over and over and over again. So when you have these patterns that keep you from really living your best life, the constellation processes of processing [00:04:00] can make visible what the block is and remove it in a sense. And it’s a modality that saved my life.

That’s what I got. Well, I must’ve really anorexic and bulimic from 10 to 20 and nothing helps. And I received a family constellation session and within a short amount of time, I was able to let go of the addiction basically. And that’s what got me into then, you know, studying all this other stuff.

De’Vannon: You said you were interested in belief make from the age of 10 to 20.

Carolin: Yes. 

De’Vannon: Well, I’m sorry that you had to go through that. I’m glad that you got got your deliverance girl. So when you went through the anorexia and bulemia, do you feel like that that wasn’t any, what was the root of that? Was it an emotional problem? Was it problem? What do you think caused that?

Carolin: Well, you know, I didn’t know for 10 years I had no idea what it had costs it, you know, and then when I did this family constellation session, what came out was that so I had known that my [00:05:00] grandparents were wisdoms in the second world war because they were Germans living in Eastern Europe. So my grandmother and my mother’s side, they were incarcerated from when my grandma was 10 till she was 20.

Right. And so what came out in my constellation session, I set my soul in the sense, wanting to take on my grandmother’s fade. So my grandmother was really like suffering with no food and, you know, not even she was in the winter from like 10 to 20, like they had a lot of hardship. And so my soul was going, let me take it on for you.

Maybe I can make it better somehow. And we don’t do this stuff consciously, subconsciously. I wanted to take on the pain basically. And that’s so, so my eating disorder was kind of like a loyalty to my ancestors being starved on my specifically, my grandma. Being starved from when she was 10 to 20. So that’s what came out.

And then once, you know, once you can see it, and obviously it was a lot of emotion that?

came out with it. There was no need for me to have the eating disorders anymore. Like they just went away. 

De’Vannon: So is [00:06:00] that particular family constellation therapy akin to hit and a therapy in any way

Carolin: No, no, it’s, it’s, it’s different. I mean, there might be some similarities because they both work with the subconscious mind, but it’s I’m not trained in hypnotherapy, so I can’t tell you really what the differences. 

De’Vannon: but it seems like that across both that there’s some sort of to like the subconscious. So, so then, so probably a lot of your work that you do has to do with things that control us. And we don’t know why they can travel with us.

Carolin: Exactly. Yeah. And that’s always super surprising, you know, it comes out, it’s never the same. It’s could have 10 people with the same, like with eating disorders, for example, or I mean, my specialty is helping couples with intimacy stuff and, and, just relationship stuff. And you can have 10 couples with the same problem.

And the reason why they’re having the problem is completely different. It’s like, for me, it never gets boring [00:07:00] because it’s, you know, it’s always so surprising and so deep and profound, and you just realize that there’s so much more to life that we don’t see that we carry with us.

and who we are. We’re not just this individual being, or like a conglomerate of so many different stories and people that brought us forward, you know?

And then here we are, we think we’re all independent. We’re not. 

De’Vannon: Right because the things that. You know, so much stuff affected us since, before we were born. And a lot of it, we can’t remember 

Carolin: Yeah. 

De’Vannon: that, one of the major things that I, I preach if I not, if I’m not banging my head against the wall and beating the shit out of a dead horse, you know, as for us to begin to understand.

And when I say us, I mean, all of humanity, know, why we believe what we believe and why we do the things we do. Like, what does the true motives, like, what are our true motives? And, you know, think about that, I think about stuff like [00:08:00] racism and homophobia and things like that, know, you know, why do, why do guys who want to say they’re straight, you know, spend so much time and attention attacking non straight people, you know, 

Carolin: Yeah. 

De’Vannon: th you know, things like that come from a deeper, deep, deeper place.

Carolin: Yeah. 

De’Vannon: So basically what this means is that we may not know ourselves as well as we think we do.

Carolin: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we know ourselves consciously, but then, you know, when things aren’t working the way that we do want, some point we have to realize there’s going on in our subconscious mind. That’s maybe not as supportive or not as healed as we think we are, you know? Yeah. And we all have it, you know, the thing. 

De’Vannon: And I think about businesses that fail re relationships of various sorts to be at friends or lovers or whatever that don’t necessarily work out. You know, a lot of times I think that it’s because the people [00:09:00] involved in these different interchanges didn’t really know themselves to begin with. And therefore the foundation inherently will not as strong as it could have been, but one might say false is because, you know, it wasn’t real, not that they necessarily were trying to be to see full, but they maybe they weren’t at their highest level of awareness yet.

Carolin: Yeah. And I mean, sometimes, you know, we do know that intimate relationships we’ll bring out our stuff, right. If we haven’t looked at it and healed, so relationships can be a place for healing if you’re willing. And if you’re aware and if you’re, if you, and then also, you know No.

there’s, I’m not, I don’t want to bash on therapy, but there’ll be obviously oftentimes just works with the conscious mind.

So a lot of people go to therapy and not all the therapists are trained in methodologies or tools that really address the subconscious mind. And so you just keep going around and round in circles instead of getting the right help and the right tools. Since then my own life, I had therapy, a lot of therapy and it was great that I had somebody to talk to, you know, I don’t want to, [00:10:00] it was really good that I had somebody to talk to at least, but it didn’t help me heal.

When, you know, when it came to healing, I needed something else. And so I kept looking and looking and looking until I found family constellations and other tools, and I’ve spent the last 23 years of my life just gathering tools and getting better at this and finding ways that we can help ourselves and each other to have harmonious relationships and not so much disruption and, and drama, drama, and trauma.

Right. So 

De’Vannon: It’s good that we have all of these options because like Mike go into the buffet, like some things are going to attract different people. Some, some food, some of us may not be able to ingest or digest. And so you’ve got your family constellations hypnotherapy. I don’t know if I would dare say regular therapy, more mainstream therapy.

You know, personally I, me and my partners see a licensed [00:11:00] marriage and family therapist. We both individually see a licensed clinical social worker and then I also have a hypnotherapist as well. 

Carolin: Yeah. 

De’Vannon: And then of course, for me, I’m super spiritual. I believe that the, the, the, the culmination of all my healing rest in the hands of the Lord that’s and that’s, and that that’s me.

But the important thing is that I’m clear on it and everybody has to get clear on what’s gonna work for them. What I’m, what I’m excited about is that we have so many options out there. 

And so, 

Carolin: also a different times, you know, one thing might work at one time And then at another time you need something else, you know, or a different combination. so,

yeah, I agree with. 

De’Vannon: um, 

Carolin: things that we can also, you know, there’s things that we can learn to do for ourselves as well. You know, we need, we do need help from others, but there’s also things that we can do ourselves.

So we just generally don’t know, and that take a little, you know, that’s not what everybody else is doing. It’s completely different than everybody else is doing, you know? And so it takes [00:12:00] a little discipline and just like any other skill, you know, you gotta put in the, the practice basically, or the time. 

De’Vannon: Right. This is all fascinating. I’m using hypnotherapy right now to help solidify my detachment that I want to develop from narcotics. Cause I have a strong history of like drug. Misuse abuse, whatever you want to call it. So I finally realized within the past couple of months, that the thing that kept the drawing me back to it wasn’t so much the narcotic or the high, but it was the sense of community and family that I had there.

And so I’m using hypnotherapy to help to break those subconscious attachments so that I don’t go and seek that community anymore. And regular therapy was not, wasn’t helping with that, talking through it, you know, I need it like actual work done. And so that the family constellation sounds like it’s more like, and I, and I’ll keep referring to hypnotherapy because it’s the best thing that I can refer to the very [00:13:00] least they agree on that subconscious of work needs to be done.

 It’s more like a, more like a mechanic troubleshooting down like the deep parts of the of the problem.

Carolin: exactly. 

De’Vannon: And so do 

Carolin: And then also, and then really, you know, so the subconscious works in pictures. So it’s like I say, in essence, your picture of community is connected with these, with the drugs and the people. Right? So that’s the picture. That’s where I do go keep going back to, so in a way, a family constellations puts a new picture, like say you’re getting your sense of community from your work and your partner, right.

Once that picture is, if that picture wasn’t. Subconscious. That’s what you would be naturally drawn to. Right. And so, in a sense, the constellation work take figures out, look, the Vong pictures, you know, in my case, it was like my wanting to help my thinking that I could help my grandmother by starving myself.

That was the wrong picture. Right. So I had to get the right picture while I said my, it was my grandmother’s fate and that she’s strong enough to hold her own fate. And that I do have my own fate and my fate is to be healthy and free. Right. [00:14:00] And so, and so in a sense, when you, when you figure out what the wrong picture is, and you can put the right picture into the process, then all of a sudden you go automatically onto creating that.

So it’s very, very powerful work, and it’s a very, very powerful process. 

De’Vannon: I’m curious. Oh, 

Carolin: go ahead.

let me go in. 

De’Vannon: Speak, speak, speak.

Carolin: what you were sharing just shows, you know, how we, as human beings, we need to be attached to something. So a lot of the work that I do is help couples actually most trouble in relationships comes from attachment styles and people not being correctly bonded because as children, we didn’t bond correctly and didn’t get it.

And so a lot of the healing work that I do and that I teach people actually teach people a way of love making that’s different than what we all know it’s completely different, but it leads to deep bonding and stability and your brain relaxing and you feeling super stable and therefore capable of really doing what you came here to do in the world. 

De’Vannon: Okay. Then they’ll give me an example, Carolina of, of a client, you [00:15:00] know, that you worked with or family or whatever. I want to know. Like the problem they had the work that you did. And then how w how they looked after it was all healed up and done.

Carolin: Yeah. So a very typical scenario is a couple that really loves each other. Maybe they’ve been together for 10 years, 15 years, five years. It doesn’t matter. They’ve been together for a time why’d they started out time being younger, being into each other than they probably had kids. they think that because they had the kids and because the hormones change and because of the demands that that’s why their Liebenow and their, their interest for each other goes away.

That’s what we think. We don’t know that there’s actually a different reason for it. And so they basically learn to function and learn to put everybody else first and they actually don’t just learn it. That’s what we’ve all learned. Right? We’ve all not learned to put our relationships first and make time for intimacy and play and all of that.

We’ve all, we’ve all been in survival in a sense in our subconscious. very typical. [00:16:00] They come and they, they have become good friends and roommates and sex life has pretty much gone out the way. And it’s difficult to bring back because there has been rejection maybe, or her body’s not working anymore.

She’s just not feeling it. She’s just feeling depleted. Oftentimes women have auto immune diseases and just are not feeling well. Both of them are drained. So that’s a very typical scenario. Oftentimes when I, when I tell them that, you know, part of the solution is bonding based lovemaking and making love a lot, they go like, oh my God, are you kidding me?

I don’t want to even hear about it. I can’t even imagine like having sex every day. And so when they go into the process, the thing is with bonding based love making, it’s a way of lovemaking that fills you in, or just you and replenish the service system. So I had a friend actually was my client.

And when she came to me, she didn’t want to be touched. She didn’t think that touch force, her love language, her husband, very much into touch and love language and wanting to connect. they just thought they had just had different and sex drives, you know, or yeah, they just had a different [00:17:00] sex drive and love language and they just couldn’t.

They could not figure out how to get their needs met and. Now after working for four months with each other, both want to make love every day. And it feels good to both of them and they both feel energized and they both feel more relaxed. And I mean, there’s still learning and they’re still a ways to go, but it’s a huge difference from feeling like you don’t have any libido and your hormones are all out of whack and you you’re just depleted and you don’t even want to think about sex to like, oh yes, this feels good.

And I’m into it. And I want to do it every day. And we’re feeling really connected and probably even better than ever, you know, because I think that was that was an issue between them from the beginning that he wanted it more than her. And that’s typically, you know it’s typical. I mean, sometimes it’s the other way around that the women want more and the men don’t, but it’s generally the, the, the main is that, you know, wants it more than once, once it less than how do you get on the same page in a sense.

De’Vannon: Do you know what non straight couples.

Carolin: yet, but I’m hoping that at [00:18:00] some point they’ll, you know, they’ll find me because I think everything that I’m teaching applies, you know, because it’s really just about human bonding and it’s not necessarily based on gender. 

De’Vannon: Okay, so you are open to non straight union. What about, what about polyamorous?

Carolin: I don’t think polyamorous?

would work because the bonding philosophy is really the idea is that you bond with one person really deeply that that’s, you know, it’s kind of hard to like have That kind of a deep bond with, because you really need to, in order for the bond to be there, you need to spend time every day kind of cultivating it.

And just from a time management, like, I don’t think, I don’t think I could give that kind of attention and also receive it from like two people that would be very confusing for me, you know?

De’Vannon: That makes sense. That 

Carolin: Yeah. Then I’ve thought about that with, you know, with, with, with the polyamorous relationships, when I get, you know, that, that, that, that that’s solid logic, you know, you only have so much of yourself to give and you have to have. You know, [00:19:00] w one main person can give that much of yourself to like all those different people.

Yeah. And then, you know, my work is all based on creating a union. So I don’t want to have a union with like five people. I want to have one union. I want to be one with one person. 

De’Vannon: Right. And so for some curious, like, so are you giving them like a take homework exercises to do so constellations, like how, how do you find out what’s in someone’s subconscious? How do you out what’s really bothering them? Like practically, how does it work?

Carolin: Yeah. So they’re one-on-one sessions generally. And the way that I do it is I use colored fields. They’re like pieces of paper. And depending on what your issue is, I will have you choose different colors for different. So let’s say we’re looking, we’re looking at a couple and we want to find out whether or not connecting anymore.

You know, I would have them choose a color for themselves, one for the sex life each and one, for anything that’s blocking their sex life basically. And then they [00:20:00] get to tell me the color so that I know what’s what, and then they get to tell me where to put these colors on the floor. And then I step on the colors on, by stepping on the colors.

I can start reading there. So everything’s energy. And for somebody like me, anybody has the gift of reading energy. I’ve just trained myself. You know, I’ve done it a lot. So I’m very good at it. But anybody could learn to read energy by stepping into these fields. The, the energetic information is available to all of us because consciousness, God, whatever you want to call it, the information it’s just there. So by, because I’m not, you, you know, I’m not, you can not have access to your subconscious, but I can because I’m not you right on offense. And then by me verbalizing it, it become conscious to you basically. Right. By having an outside of yourself. 

De’Vannon: It sounds so fucking cool. I could just have any, like, stepping on all these different colors that it sounds like a little, it sounds no matter how old we get, we still love colors. 

Carolin: Yeah, [00:21:00]

De’Vannon: Come with it. Just so stimulating, man. You know,

so, so let’s see here. So you.

Carolin: And then I also, you know, there is, I did not, I did not come up with bonding based lovemaking. There is science and there’s books on it. And there’s one particular book that’s called Cupid’s poison arrow. That’s kind of like the go-to book. And that’s what I, that’s what I found in how I got to it. But there’s not a lot of people teaching us though.

There’s a book that it’s pretty hard to do this from a book without yeah, without having some support in getting some help with the subconscious stuff, because when it comes to deeply bonding like I said, when we have attachment style issues or traumas, it’s not safe for our certain nervous system to bond. So we need to heal that first, before we can actually move into really doing the bonding exercises. you.

know, people will otherwise have resistance and come up with excuses and not find the time if that stuff’s not healed. 

De’Vannon: Right. we’re going to get deeper into the bond bonding [00:22:00] based love making in a minute, because when I read through that article on your website it kind of like has a, an anti orgasm vibe 

Carolin: Yes. 

De’Vannon: that I found to be most intriguing. And I had to read through it to kind of, catch circle, the circle back and catch like what your intent was.

And by the end of it, I, the end of my reading, I thought that I agreed with you and you brought up an interesting point and probably the most elaborate way I’ve ever seen anybody do it. It’s. So I really, really want to get into the ENT orgasm thing that you have going on because you know, everywhere you go.

You know, everyone’s pro orgasm and there’s so many 

Carolin: Yeah. 

De’Vannon: things associated but basically I got out of it that you kind of associated with kind of like feening for like a high rather, and 

Carolin: Yeah. 

De’Vannon: the connection. And so we’re going to talk about that in depth in a minute, because a very, very important thing.

But [00:23:00] so when my research, I found two books, one’s called that you wrote one’s called blossom, your seven steps to sexual healing. 

Carolin: Yes. 

De’Vannon: one is the pleasure IQ. 

Carolin: Yes. 

De’Vannon: you to tell us a little bit of both Lord Jesus, a little bit about both of those books. I haven’t had any wine this morning and my, you know, my mind is I got.

Carolin: Yeah, so my own in my own history I was sexually abused as a child and So forth. And then the family constellation really helped me heal it. And so when I first went into the healing field I very much deeply went into, into that aspect of things. And that’s where the book came from. I wrote the book 13 years now that came out in 2009, I think, or I wrote it in 2009.

And it’s really a book too. It’s, it’s a book that will help you understand any kind of trauma. That’s an introduction to family constellations also. And then there’s, it’s, it’s struck to the seven week course where you can take yourself through and just come to a better understanding of [00:24:00] why and what happened and what trauma really is.

And, and I’m teaching you body centered exercises in the book because most people think. And trauma happens. It’s a mental, mental thing. It’s mental impact when it’s not, it’s an energetic impact on our whole physiology, our subconscious lives in our body and ourselves. So in order for us to heal, we need to learn to work with our body.

And most people that have experienced trauma, we’re not in our bodies anymore. There’s a lot of ways that we can start learning, you know, a gentle ways to come back into our bodies that have nothing to do with having to relive the trauma or, you know, going and processing the story or anything like that.

It’s more about really learning to be in your body and starting to feel things and learn to engage your senses again and starting to feel safe w w relaxing and things like that, you know, that’s, that was my own path to healing. So it was different than talk therapy or some of the other trauma healing modality.

And then the pleasure IQ really was a continuation on in [00:25:00] 2012, I had a complete breakdown from the outside might have looked like, like a nervous breakdown, but it was really a physical I just, I had no energy left and I had two small kids. And my husband at the time came home and I said to him, I can’t do this anymore.

I need help. And he said to me, well, you want it to be a mother. And with him saying that, I just felt like I, my world has collapsed. And I literally, my body collapsed. We had a futon on the floor. I fell onto the futon. My kids were on top of me trying to figure out what was going on. I literally was hovering under the ceiling, looking back down on myself, seeing my kids, you know, being completely disorientated and crying.

I wasn’t able to come back and do anything about it. It was very frustrating and it all happened very fast. And then within a minute, a voice said, Carolyn, your work isn’t done. I was sent back into my body. And for an entire week I was suspended in a complete state. Piece, enlightenment, whatever you want to call it.

There was no negativity basically. And during that week, I could see how my thoughts and my [00:26:00] way of being had really gotten me to that place of deep depletion. You know, I’ve I had so much negativity accumulated. And so what also got clear during that week was that I needed to go into pursuit of pleasure and not instant gratification kind, but I needed to figure out what was really making me happy and what really felt good to me in my body, what felt really right to me in my body.

And so when I, when that week ended, I basically Wyndham, you know, pursuit of pleasure and just really starting to make decisions based on what felt right in good to me. We took a look which took a lot of courage because there were relationships I had to end. There were choices I had to make that were scary and things, but within a very short amount of time my life transformed from, you know, basically going through a divorce, being bankrupt, not living my purpose, I’m struggling in all areas of struggling with my health, to these areas in my life, transforming, you know, having a thriving business, having thriving relationships, being healthy feeling younger than ever all those things.

And it came from. Basically [00:27:00] learning that we need to have a new kind of intelligence, which is pleasure intelligence using your body and yourself as a, as a navigation, not what everybody else is doing and what everybody’s else is telling you or what you think you should be doing. And from there developing a pleasure IQ, which is your level of ability to allow yourself to have pleasure in all areas of your life, you know, to allow yourself to truly do the work that you’re meant to be doing, to allow yourself to treat your body the way it feels good to your body and you know, all those things.

So the second book was, you know, it really came from was just an evolution of like healing and going to the next level. That makes sense.

De’Vannon: So the are, you’ve been divorced, been abused as a child.

Carolin: Well, see, here’s the thing I remember being in heaven. You know, being in heaven before coming down here on God saying, Hey, there’s trouble down on earth. Men and women don’t get [00:28:00] along. We need help in my hand racing and saying, oh, I want to go. I want to help. So of course I had to go through all these things so that I have, you know, I’ve had all kinds of relationship issues, you know, and all kinds of things.

So I understand I can relate. I know how hard it is, you know, so, you know, to me, it makes full sense why my life has been the way it’s been and what it feels like I’ve lived 10 people’s lives by the time I’m 40. So it’s all good. 

De’Vannon: Yeah, there is a special something about those of us who have been through somewhat of trauma that people look at him and go like, what the fuck? You know, it’s one thing to. To try to tell people what to do, but it’s something you get more authentic an anointing, a zest to zeal, a zings and spice and flavor, you know maybe I need to create a word one day to describe what I’m trying to say, but it’s a special something when somebody has gone through something and they’re trying to help [00:29:00] somebody as opposed to somebody who’s just trying to give out good advice.

It’s different. 

It’s very different.

Carolin: different, you know? Yeah. 

De’Vannon: So then those are your two books, the blossom, your seven steps to sexual healing and the pleasure IQ. I will include that information in the show notes as I always do. Now, tell me what the, what the blissful marriage method is.

Carolin: Yeah. So currently, so, you know, And obviously people can just read on their own and do whatever, but the way that I really help people with the blissful marriage method, which combines the family constellation, the trauma healing, I’m really teaching people how they can heal their trauma and be in a better emotional and spiritual and connected state.

And then it teaches them. And I helped them transition into the bonding based love making, which is also in itself a deeply healing way of, of connecting to. So that’s a, you know, it’s a, it’s a little bit longer process. It might not be super easy in the beginning because our [00:30:00] brains are so used to what we’ve been doing for so long.

We don’t know that there’s a different way. You know, it’s kind of like when you’re going through in your process, your brain is.

used to the drugs and it’s gonna feel boring and all kinds of things to not have them for a little while, until it starts feeling better until being sober starts feeling better.

You know? And it’s kind of the same thing when you, when you go from having sex with orgasm, Which, you know, we think is, you know, it’s pretty cool. But when we actually look at our brain, when you have an orgasm and you alluded to this it’s a dopamine spike, as if you were taking heroin and cocaine, and we wouldn’t do that twice a week or three times a week, or, and it would make sense that if we did this twice or three times a week, that we would stop at some point because it wouldn’t feel good anymore.

Right. That’s why, that’s why people still having effects because they just know there’s something that doesn’t feel good anymore. And also when it comes to dopamine, we need new stimulation all the time for the dopamine to be released. So when you’re with the same person, you don’t get the same stimulation or you just get bored and you need [00:31:00] something new.

And it’s really just because of the dopamine. It’s not because you don’t love each other. It’s not because the kids and everything it’s because we don’t know what to activate. The other thing, bonding chemicals that would keep the connection. Which is oxytocin as the other chemical that makes you feel really happy.

 Really steady, deeply connected and really happy and deeply satisfied. So there isn’t an orgasm, but there’s something else that feels way better than a quick high, you know, compared to each other, what we know is an orgasm is a very short-lived high compared to what you can experience when you have an oxytocin experience, basically. 

De’Vannon: Yeah. Okay. You also, she’s not saying orgasms or the devil or thing like that. She’s saying that they must be looked at through the right lens in a proper perspective. So now, now I want to get deeper into the the bonding based love making. If there was, it was a good length of, of an [00:32:00] article. So this this, it was something that’s important to you to sit down and write does your preferred method of communication is video, you know, a lot of times, but you really wrote this, this, this, this motherfucker here out.

Carolin: Yeah. 

De’Vannon: So talk to me about, let’s get even deeper steel here. You know, about the bonding based love making it’s, it’s prioritizing the bond of the relationship over the experience of orgasm. I was reading through it and it was the article was saying things like, you know, Yeah, it has to do a lot like with procreation and our natural desire for, you know, for humanity to continue basically make like a nature nature gave us orgasms, you know, to, you know, prompt us to want to have sex and things like that.

But, but you’re saying that the Oregon, the Oregon orgasm that necessarily would have to do anything with bonding and connecting.

Carolin: Exactly. [00:33:00] So in essence, we, as human beings actually have two programs for lovemaking. One is strictly for procreation. That’s the one that has the orgasm, because nature was very clever. It kind of like tricks us into procreating by putting like a super highly pleasurable event in our brain to the act, basically.

Right. And I believe that human beings knew this. Like we knew this in ancient times, you know? So the, the one program is connected to procreation orgasm, but also disconnection, because genetically we are programmed to move on. Mate with as many different people so that our species can really proliferate and survive.

So it’s not this program. The organism progression program is not interested in long lasting bonds that maybe only have one or two kids or no kids at all. With the bonding based love making, there is no orgasm, no Jackie relation, and as both for women and men orgasm. Involved. So it’s really, it’s really a way of making love [00:34:00] a lot and having fun and being deeply connected without risking having a baby every time.

And so I actually do believe that the devil has his claws a little bit in this, because I believe that if we had known this humanely, that humanity would not be as enslaved as we are. You know, we have gotten enslaved to baby-making putting food on the table, just working, working, working, not being able to enjoy each other because every, anytime you do, you’re in the, like just a hundred years ago, anytime you enjoyed having an orgasm together as a man and a woman you had the chance of getting pregnant.

And then that, that was a lot of work and a lot of hardship and not just on the physical body, but everything, you know. And so I believe that that this knowledge about this other way, that we could actually deeply bond with each other and find pleasure without money without needing anything else, but each other, you know That that was taken away partly so that humanity could be much more easily controlled and kept down, basically because they’re just [00:35:00] working and trying to put food on the table and in survival.

Right? So there’s two classes in this world and I believe that probably the upper-class most of these things they know about energy and, and all these things, you know, and, and sexual practices to keep your energy and so forth that they keep this knowledge away from us. So that the rest of us just keeps like being down on the bottom of the barrel, scraping away, you know?

 And so I do, like I said, I do believe it was a little bit of the work of the devil because once we know this other path, we can set ourselves free. All of a sudden we’re in control, we’re in control of our pleasure life. We, and I believe I personally believe that, you know, in the Lord’s prayer, it says as in heaven on earth, that means now not.

I’m on earth now. And then later I’ll be in heaven and then it’s going to be good. No, in heaven right now. It’s good. And therefore on earth right now, it can be good. And it comes from setting ourselves free. And I have had these experiences over and over again where you feel like you’re are in paradise and it doesn’t come [00:36:00] from a paycheck.

It doesn’t come from eating chocolate. You know what? Maybe sometimes it doesn’t come from an orgasm for Ray long. It comes from doing things that fill up your soul and bonding and living your purpose and being healthy and having a strong body. Those things, those things are what make you feel like you’re in paradise, a state of being right?

You can be there in hell or you can be in heaven. 

De’Vannon: Right. Okay. Oh my fuck. You, you just gave me so much to work with there. So okay. So we’re gonna, the next major thing we’re going to go. This is all major stuff, but the next thing we’re going to talk about is going to be the freeways that you have to have sex without intercourses, which is basically what we’re talking about.

So really want to get into that. But before we caveat over there, so the first thing I heard you say was about how people get into like a mode of living. That’s not necessarily. True to them. And they end up unhappy like the 

Carolin: Yes. 

De’Vannon: the [00:37:00] baby making and stuff like that. So I think about how, like, I’ve known, you know, they’re, they have children like really young or ever at all.

And you know, look at them and they’re like, maybe like somewhere between like 19 and 25 and they already got like a kid or two and I’m all like, bitch. Why? Like, like me and my partner he, you know, he, you know, he, he like was, he mentioned children at like one point and I was like, hell to the, no, know, and I’m not against them, but I told him it’s too early in our relationship.

Like, we need a 

Carolin: Yeah. 

De’Vannon: years to enjoy ourselves to travel the world to be extravagant homosexuals, know? And then because once you have children, You know, that 

Carolin: Yeah. 

De’Vannon: Even once the parent dies your soul connection to that child lives on. And then, then you protect them as a spirit. So becoming a parent is eternal.

And so I don’t know what happens when we get to heaven and you know, and all of that. But as long [00:38:00] as this earth spins, that parent always has an obligation to that child. so I saw it was when you were saying that I’m thinking, why do we rush off to have children of what’s been pre-programmed into us.

Like there’s no, you know, in a part of it is procreation and the natural order of things, but we’re always in control of ourselves. And so I look at some of my friends and stuff like that, who may be, I was in high school where you have these kids and they look a little better. You know, they look a little angry, you know, I’m able to bounce around and come and go as I please, but there they’ve got a kid attached to them and I love children.

They’re amazing. But it seems like maybe sometimes we get ahead of ourselves trying to fulfill that. A dream or whatever, and we’re not again, questioning why we believe what we believe. Why do you want to hurry up and have a kid when you’re still a kid yourself? 

Carolin: Yeah. And I mean, you know, I think the statistics is that 90% of pregnancies are not planned, you know, I guess huge is a big, big number. 

De’Vannon: I would, I’ll take your word for it. I’ve never [00:39:00] literally looked into that. 

Carolin: Yeah. 

De’Vannon: that’s one great thing about being gay. No, ain’t no babies on a pop out of me, no matter how much Tom gets pumped into my so. And so

for those of you with a word, well, you know, with a vagina and everything like that, that has.

Carolin: Yeah, so write for, and then, you know, and then in the sixties, The birth control came along and finally women felt liberated, right. it messes with our hormones and our bodies. And it’s also not the way. So I believe that if we weren’t known upon him with love making, and really if that, if it was normal for human beings to have lots of sex, we’ll have fun all the time, you know, without a jacket plating.

 You know, how different would the word, like how different, what would be? We could all have a lot of fun without being stressed out without getting pregnant all the time. And then when we wanted to wake babies, we would just do it that way. And then that would be fun for, you know, here and there, but it wouldn’t be the thing that, that our brands have gotten addicted to.

I don’t think it was planned that way. It wasn’t, you know, our brains were not made for having orgasms. Like [00:40:00] our brains are not made for having cocaine every day or having heroin every day. We’re having huge ice cream sandwiches every day, or, know, having these mega events and it’s not good for our brains.

It’s not good for our moods because when we have these events, when we have these spikes, they’ll put me in spikes. It takes two weeks for our, our, for ourselves to come back to just normal. So you know, now that I’ve known this and I, you know, I people to pleasant, everyone get help, or try to buy them by themselves to do the non orgasmic love, making it, and then go back to having an Oregon.

You can actually feel how, if you don’t do anything for two weeks, if you don’t have another orgasm, if you don’t drink coffee, if you don’t do any other drugs at like they 10, 12, 13, 14, you feel like shit. I mean, it’s horrible. It’s hard. It’s like going through withdrawals, you know, when you consciously start paying attention, you’ll start seeing it.

And some people have already put two and two together and some people that you’re listening right now, you might like go like, oh my God. Now it’s making sense why it feels so drained. You [00:41:00] know? Because in our brain chemistry, we literally go into a depression because we don’t have the dopamine as we, the dopamine goes lower than it was before we had sex and orgasms.

So and that’s what makes us feel shitty and depressed and changes our perception of ourselves and of our lives. So we feel more depressed. We see our partner, we all of a sudden, everything’s annoying, you know, and it’s not that the partner has changed it’s that our biochemistry has changed. So

De’Vannon: The devil’s in the details. 

Carolin: yeah. 

De’Vannon: Then you also mentioned how paradise is like a state of being and how step into that or find yourself in that vibe. And so what, I’ve, what I’ve experienced as I have grown more spiritually, and this hasn’t always been in my life, but it has been in recent years, sometimes I’ll just be sitting down or just wherever it I’ll be like overwhelmed by like a feeling of gratitude, seemingly comes out of nowhere or I’ll become like hyper aware of the presence of God.

And I will. [00:42:00] You know, don’t feel like he’s right there in the room with me, know, that sort of thing. And when you were talking about what you were talking about, it reminded me of that. In those moments, I feel like I’ve somehow tapped into heaven and into like a, super divine space. 

Carolin: Yeah. 

 And so you love making practice can become a way where you do that together. You know, when you get into that state together, basically through the, it’s a very spiritual practice, you know, there’s no difference. Yeah. 

De’Vannon: right. That’s a high level of growth. and I’m gonna pause it that this sort of thing takes time. I don’t want people to think that you’re gonna like pop out. They you know, that is going to happen like immediately. It’s something that is something that I told my boyfriend, you know, like, you know, it takes time to, know, to grow, you know, relationships and. And you can’t, you got to settle down with one person or to get what we’re talking about. You cannot be, [00:43:00] you can’t be like bad hopping and stuff like that, you know, and stuff like that. You’re going to either have high quality with one person 

Carolin: Nope. 

De’Vannon: or fun experiences, but a little bit less quality where many different people that 

Carolin: Yeah. 

De’Vannon: options that are on the table from my examination of who I’ve talked to.

 But I think about this in relation to like the coronavirus, because if, because this, this, this virus, which has, my opinion, meant a two edge sword or, has it been, it’s been a duality, I’ve seen a lot of great things come out of the virus as well as a lot of bad things. I think about though, how, how you were saying happiness is a state of mind, you know, really more than it is having children and doing all these activities, you know, this is within you.

And so. I feel that that way. And I’m happy that I’ve achieved that because so many people, I know it seems like they associate life with what they can do. They need to get on a plane and fly somewhere. They need to go out [00:44:00] to eat at a restaurant. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with those things, but it got to a point that I’m one of the most liberal, extravagant, extra people.

I know, you know, before the coronavirus, I was out at all the parties, all the happy hours and everything, and the coronavirus going to town. And I was like, bye bitch. I’ll see. Y’all whenever this shit is over. One of my friends was telling me, you know, you know that I need to stop being afraid and to live my life.

You know, this person is always traveling still to this day. They never stopped and posting everything on social media or where they go. But I told him, I’m like, I don’t equate life with activities and what I can do. I have life with enemy. So I don’t need to leave my house in order to feel like I’m at my most alive.

And so before we get on the the three ways to have sex without intercourse, what are your thoughts on. This, and I think this is important because we’re still independent. I don’t care how people are starting to move around and about and stuff like that. The virus isn’t gone and we don’t have a cure for it yet.

So what do you think in terms of [00:45:00] what you’re saying about happiness being within you relative to the way people seem to associate a life, especially during this pandemic with going out and doing stuff they’re willing to risk getting a disease and dying because they have got to go and take a vacation.

Carolin: Well, I think anytime that we, you know, w the truth is we don’t have power over our circumstances. don’t have power over other people. We do have power over our own energetic and emotional states. So more that we can learn what we need to do for us to be in a, in a good state, whether that’s the food that we eat, the people that we surround us with, the, what we, you know, the news that we don’t watch or watch the things that we do the time and nature that we spent, like everybody has to find out for themselves what it is that puts you into a very.

Good state. And when I say good state, we feel at peace when our nervous system is relaxed and when our hormones are balanced and there’s physical things that we need to do. So that, that [00:46:00]happens. There’s emotional things that we need to do. So that, that happens. There is energetic things we need to do through that.

That happens in their spiritual things that we, you know, and so the more you can have your routines figured out and stick to them, the more your experience of life will be just one of peace, whether you are traveling and are traveling home, not home, whether it’s people know people, it doesn’t matter so much anymore because you become self, you know, you become self-contained and you’re your own ecosystem, and you can respond differently to the world than the one you are all dependent on.

You know, you’re happiness depending on, you know, whether you get a new client or whether your boss acknowledges you, or whether you’re suppose is nice or not know is nice, or whether your children are happy or not happy, you know, you’re going to be all over the place. And that also hurt, you know, that’s the hardest thing for me to learn, but also the most empowering is to just make my own energy management and my own state of being the top priority.

And if that means that I don’t pick up my kid from school today because I need a nap and I find somebody else to do [00:47:00] it. Then that’s what it is, you know? Or it just, you know, it’s in a way of being very self centered, but I’m still centered in terms of like making sure that I’m in a good state so that I can actually be of service and be positive and, you know, be the best that I can be. 

De’Vannon: Nevermind. Thank you for that, that explanation and breakdown. Carolyn, reminds me of a dream that I had many, many years ago, because I’m the type to complicate things. I work overwork myself and stuff like 

Carolin: Yeah. 

De’Vannon: overachiever project’s been done and I’m still finding shit to do with it. That that’s, that’s all I got.

And I had a dream and it finds the Lord was telling me the words that I heard were, were for me to make decisions, to make things easier for 

Carolin: Yup. 

De’Vannon: And that’s what you did with your example, with sending someone to pick up the kid, it’s a simple decision, but it created so much peace for you, but you know, we’ve got to decide and I would extend that dream to the rest of the world.

You know, I tell people [00:48:00] that I’m telling the world right now to make decisions, to make things easier for you.

Carolin: Yeah. And start finding ways, you know, start getting creative and find it because there are ways, you.

know, there’s always a way to make things hard and there’s always a way to make things easier. 

De’Vannon: So I want you to, so I want you to give a definition how, if somebody was brand new this whole spiritual, energetic metaphysics stuff, you 

Carolin: Yeah. Yeah. 

De’Vannon: around the day, know, I’m brand new, I’m new to life. I want you to describe to me what is energy and what our vibration.

Carolin: Yeah. Well, everything is energy. Energy is basically the stuff that you can’t feel, but it’s electric like electricity, right? If you measured something, the vibration.

is basically the measurement that you would get. So you could take your body and you put, put it into measurement device measures, Hertz, and you, you would get a certain frequency, a certain number.

There is states of vibrational states of being that correlate with how we feel. So, for example, [00:49:00] if you measured, if we’ve talked in your body and to the measuring device, and it measured a 200, that would mean that you that’s the vibration of courage. So you’re somebody who currently operates to encourage.

If you, if we would measure you on you were below 200, that would mean that you either in fear or in doubt or in shame or guilt. So when you, when we, as human beings are at that vibrational level, it’s hard for us to create a good. Everything below 200 goes towards death and decay. Everything above 200 starts getting better and better and better.

So in a sense where you really want to live instead of white brush in between five and 600, that’s love peace, bliss, creativity flow. Right? So in essence, everything that we need to start doing is to learn things, to get us higher and higher, where if we measured your body, all of a sudden yourselves, the electricity and yourselves, in a sense, the, the, the amount of energy that’s there, the world.

Would get higher and higher and higher. So it’s very scientific, you know, [00:50:00] Einstein told us that everything’s energy. And if you don’t have the thing in your life that you want, it just means that you have not become a vibrational and energetic match. So if let’s say your dream life is wide writing at a vibration of 500, you just have to become a 500 and then you will be living in that life.

You know, you’re, you’ll be finding ways to create it because in order to really have our dream life, we don’t need more time. We just need more energy at the end of the day. Right. It’s takes energy to be super productive and to be focused and things like that. So is that helpful? 

De’Vannon: I love that scientific breakdown that you that you gave, that’s going to resonate well with our more logical listeners,

Carolin: Yes. Yeah. And I’m German, you know, so I’m very much into like making this practical and not too blue and really so that people can apply it. 

De’Vannon: abso fucking lutely. All right. So let’s get into these three ways to have sex without intercourse. I saw this particular video on your website and I was like, what, what, what is, [00:51:00]so it kind of sounded a little tantric to me, but not really. So the first one you say the setup has set the mood in the room, you know, you’ve got like warm candle lights and roses and stuff.

And then, then the people are going to like lay on top of each other. So I’ll let you like take it from mayor and these 100 kisses and everything. And.

Carolin: Yeah. So part of, You know, there’s certain bonding, being certain behaviors in our brain that register as deeply nurturing and deeply giving and therefore we’ll release oxytocin and the oxytocin, it was this what creates the good feeling, feeling and the bond. And one of them is skin to skin contact.

Another one of them is breathing, hearing, breathing, feeling, feeling the breathing, the heartbeat, and then kissing and touching with the intent to comfort. Oftentimes when we have, as grownups, we don’t get touch unless it’s connected to six. And then it feels like somebody just wants something from us.

just feels like taking or we’re touching other people. We [00:52:00] call. You know something. So generally it feels the way we give as adults is to take in the bonding waste lovemaking and in the, in the oxytocin to start flowing, we need to receive given, receive loving touch is not connected to wanting anything.

And so of the ways that you can start practicing does this by laying on top of each other preferably skin to skin. So you can feel your skin, you can break together, you can hear the heartbeat, or, I mean, at least the person who is on top can hear their heartbeat and you can just deeply relax with each other because what’s going to start making the oxytocin flowing, you know, In Bondi based lovemaking.

They’re still in of course, but it’s not as much genital focused because we don’t need genital friction for the oxytocin to flow. We need a full body connection, touch, kissing, and all of that. And, and like I said, there, you know, there is also intercourse, but those are things the way that I’m describing that you can just start without a little bit more [00:53:00] complicated, because it was completely different than what you used to, but these bonding behaviors you can do, you know, they’re to start learning and to start getting a feeling of what this feels like, this connection and the good feelings feeling, and then the same with the kissing, you know, really kissing with the intent of just giving, giving love to the other person.

So it’s, it’s an embodiment practice of loving the other person to go touch to your kisses, sending them energy to. And then receiving, and also like it goes back and forth. It only works if there’s true love. And while it can’t be just the practice with a stranger, you know work that way. Your heart has to get in wall.

De’Vannon: You know I was thinking, you know, sometimes, you know, when we take vacations and stuff, we’re, we’re forced to be away from my significant other. When we finally have sex with them again, it’s like the sex is better than it was because we’ve been away from each other for a while. So it may not necessarily have been so [00:54:00] much the physical distance, but you’ve given us a lot of scientific reasons why that may be.

So do you think it would be a good practice for people who are in serious relationships to take intention? It breaks from having sex from each other for, you know, a couple of weeks here and there to keep things fresh 

and to renew. 

Carolin: it’s actually the opposite. Like the more time you can spend together with the bonding behaviors, I would say I’d take a, take a, take a break from conventional sex, but through the bonding behaviors and learn how to have intercourse, but, you know, it’s not just having sex and stopping and it’s very frustrating.

It’s not what it is. It’s just really learning a different way. But the transition really includes having lots of these bonding behaviors and putting yourself on a, on an orgasm diet basically, and then learning this new way and getting help with whatever, you know, whatever blocks you have into, you know, a lot of people have blocks around connecting, you know, because of our traumas. 

De’Vannon: Okay. So then, so then is it good to take a break from the [00:55:00] penetrative intercourse with the goal of over with the it in mind to achieve orgasm? So if we’re going to take a break from that, then we can try to still have intercourse, but without the penetration and bond in different way,

Carolin: Yeah, you can have fun. You can have penetration, but just very slow movements and just being in the present moment and the moment that you feel like you just want to go for it. That’s when you’ve gone too far. So you’re actually never want to get to that place. You know, it’s a very slow and very, just learning to be in the moment and having the sensation of being connected, you know with your genitals and all over learning to be in the present moment and having everything be pleasurable, the kissing, you know, feeling your genitals inside or outside or whatever, but that’s just being part of it.

That’s not the focus, you know, normally in regular sex, the pleasure comes from genital friction. In bonding, based off the pleasure comes from everything from kissing, from touching, from hugging, breathing together, from having genitals [00:56:00] connected as a benzol there’s, none is better than the other innocence. And in order for, you know, in order for our, for us to feel satisfied, we have to have lots of it, right? So it doesn’t work to not have regular sex and just bond once a week, that will not get you. There

De’Vannon: Okay.

Carolin: is not enough, you know? So it needs to be really daily. Ideally like maybe, you know, you have like one day here and there where you’re not connecting, but the, the pleasure comes from the body relaxing and learning to have lots of it.

And, and then all of a sudden you can let go of feeling like you need the orgasm because this other thing feels so deeply satisfying and you getting lots of it, you know, that’s what, otherwise you get sexually too frustrated. You know, if you don’t have an orgasm and you don’t have enough bonding, not good.

If you have lots and lots of bonding, not orgasms, then you’re going to be Okay.

over time. 

De’Vannon: Interesting. And then the, the pretzel, know, the principles the third way, and you have. [00:57:00] And interesting I’ll say your website now just leave it at that. would have to go and take a look at it. So we’re setting that the three ways to have sex intercourse. Whereas setting a mood room, can kiss people all over the 100 kisses.

The person’s face down, you kiss them, then you turn them over, face up. Then you kiss them. Nothing penetrative. You’re laying on top of each other. You’re synchronizing the breathing the second way. You’re still laying on top of each other. I didn’t read about much kissing or anything like that. It’s more just like enjoying each other’s presence.

These all sound like four play. They can be, if you want to take it to penetrate, if you can, or you can stop, stop it right where it is.

Carolin: Yeah. And the main thing is you take time with it. You know, you can do this for hours, you know, you could and take turns and then the press lists connecting genitals, but not sticking them into each other and ask them and just, you know, just allowing your body to feel turned on and enjoying that feeling, you know, [00:58:00] without taking it any further.

De’Vannon: And it is recommended. You, you did recommend in the video to keep the underwear on for the pretzel because of the video, the image looked like something out of the Kama Sutra. 

Carolin: Yeah. 

De’Vannon: So if you don’t want to stick it in, you might want to keep the barrier there. 

Carolin: Yeah. 

De’Vannon: And so the last thing.

Carolin: And that was also the I created for people that want to save themselves they can actually start being. Somewhat connected and not sexually frustrated if they really do want to save themselves. Also, you know, there’s a lot of Christians that don’t want to have intercourse and this gives them an option a different way, you know, and maybe opens the mind that there is actually something different.

Yeah, 

De’Vannon: wow. Imagine that. So you’re, you’re giving us what the church never did. So there’s was always like, don’t do this and don’t do that, but there is no fucking alternatives, you 

Carolin: exactly. Yeah, 

De’Vannon: he’s given an alternative. 

Carolin: yeah. 

De’Vannon: So then the last thing I want you to speak on, and then I’ll let you have a last word and close us on out.

 [00:59:00] In, in the video that you had made about women libido, how that’s basically women’s lack of libido and the lack of sex drive and how this basically related to exhaustion. You have you have you said in there and I’m going to quote you that you can basically, you can survive in this world. You’re talking to women.

Now you said women, you can survive in this world. Not pleasing everybody. And without self sacrifice. 

Carolin: Yeah. 

De’Vannon: I think that’s a huge problem with women. And a lot of people who are just trying to please people too damn much. And because it’s a peer thing to want to be helpful to people, some people don’t get that.

You can take it too far, then it can turn negative. So I want you to explain that line that you have in that video, that you can survive this world, not pleasing everybody or sacrificing yourself.

Carolin: Yeah. So it goes back to, you know, becoming self-centered. So I was really depleted, I had adrenal burnout and chronic fatigue stage four. [01:00:00] So it was very bad in my case. And I had to learn the hard way, obviously. To really make my own energy. The most important thing is give to myself first and catch myself when I’m over-giving because when I’m depleted and not functioning, nobody benefits.

So more we can give to ourselves and make sure that our cups full first, then we can give from the overflow. We are more powerful. We can do more, more. And at the same time also be happy at the same time. I don’t believe. I believe that we came here to have that our purpose collectively is actually to learn that we can allow ourselves to have a really good life.

thought, God, didn’t send us here to suffer. Right. And so this whole self-sacrificing thing, it’s like, it’s just another way of keeping ourselves small and not functioning and not really living our purpose. 

De’Vannon: You preach analysis to girl with that, whatever it is you would like to say to the world, go ahead and say it I’ll have two out of the last.

Carolin: [01:01:00] Yeah. So I just want to say, you know, part of why I do what I do is that I believe that when, when a man and a woman or a partners come together, you know, I’m sure when you’re identifying gay, that one is maybe more on the feminine. And one was one of the masculine, you know, I believe that the feminine, the masculine makes a whole, that’s a man and a woman, or, you know, it doesn’t matter.

We all have feminine and masculine energy in us, but when the feminine and the masculine energy within us, and then in a couple comes together, we’re so much more powerful than anything because we were not made to be alone. We’re not made to be half where God made everything to be whole. And when we’re in wholeness we can, we can do anything together, you know, together we can.

That’s what makes it easy. But when we try to do things alone, it’s hard we do things together gets easier. And so my, original is to start this movement of people that know about bonding based lovemaking we pilot near this together and really having an earth together because just being by myself and paradise was kind of boring.

I wants to be there with a lot of people with most people, you know, with as many [01:02:00] people as possible. So check out the bonding with love, making stuff, there’s resources like on my website and on YouTube. And I’m always happy to have conversations with people free conversations and it’s easy to reach me.

And I’m sure you put in all the contact info in the show notes. So yeah. Yeah. Like just, decide to do believe that there’s a way to find paradise and start marching. 

De’Vannon: Yes indeed. So Carolyn Houser, everyone the author of the blossom and the pleasure IQ, her website is Carolyn Houser that calm C a R O L I N H a U S E r.com. She’s on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTube. And yes, all of this will go in the show notes. Thank you so much. My dear for this very energetic conversation, I look forward to releasing this to the world so that they can find that paradise. 

Carolin: Yes. Thank you for having [01:03:00] me and thanks for doing the good work.

De’Vannon: Thank you all so much for taking time to listen to the sex drugs and Jesus podcast. It really means everything to me. Look, if you love the show, you can find more information and resources at sex, drugs, and jesus.com or wherever you listen to your podcast. Feel free to reach out to me directly at DeVannon@SexDrugsAndJesus.com and on Twitter and Facebook as well.

My name is De’Vannon and it’s been wonderful being your host today and just remember that everything is going to be all right.

 

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