Life is Too Short for Crappy Sex.
We need to talk more about sex. With our kids, with our partners…and with ourselves! And I don’t mean bragging about our conquests or telling dirty jokes (But, you do you). We’ve got to start having honest and realistic conversations about our body’s desires and functions. Opening up about such taboo topics as penetration, masturbation, and ejaculation is the first step to creating a world full of safe, pleasurable, sexual experiences.
Too often, we shy away from these discussions thinking it’s too uncomfortable to bring up in the daylight. But not on this podcast. If we don’t talk to each other about sex, we might learn the wrong lessons from places like porn, strippers, and brothels…which are not always reflective of healthy relationships. Plus, we can have better sex with our partners if we can feel comfortable telling them how we like it!
Our guest this week, Cindy Pierce, is no stranger to talking about sex. She’s written three books on the subject, and has traveled far and wide talking to people young and old about the birds and the bees. In our delicious interview, Cindy and I talk about how parents can approach the topic of sex with their kids, and with each other. We also talk about the wonderful but occasionally harmful world of pornography, and the often tumultuous world of casual sex.
Having “The Talk”
Speaking to kids about sex can be nervewracking, but is entirely necessary. Nowadays, kids are statistically likely to have some kind of encounter with pornography by around age eight. Kids are at a greater risk of being exposed to porn earlier these days because there is a lot of porn on the web. Like, a lot. Porn sites attract more visitors each day than Amazon, Netflix, and Twitter combined. And it’s not difficult to access. It’s free, bountiful, and uncensored.
So if we don’t teach them about sex, the internet will!
Pornography is definitely not all bad. Cindy and I can certainly agree on that. But Cindy warns that the dangerous stuff is the porn available for no charge, on the front page of XXX websites, with the intention of collecting as many clicks as possible. These videos often contain sex that isn’t consensual or safe. In the episode, we talk about how this not-so-pleasant porn can even have racist themes or enforce harmful stereotypes.
Luckily, if we can educate young people about sex first, we can keep them from using these videos as their sexual education. Since they’re likely to encounter porn by elementary-school age, we have to have these talks early and often.
Cindy suggests starting small, and gradually building up to the big stuff. This normalizes discussing body parts and sexy stuff without too much squirming. And if you get a bit uncomfortable bringing up these ideas, you shouldn’t feel ashamed, says Cindy. It’s good for kids to see that adults can get nervous too. Listen in to the full interview to hear what Cindy has to say about a mother sitting down her son for five-minute sex talks…
Making the Most of Masturbation
As we say in the episode…I love to masturbate. Multiple times a day. And why shouldn’t I? Cindy and I talk about how masturbation is the safest sex you can have! In our eyes, no one should be ashamed of masturbation. Cindy points out that if kids don’t masturbate, their natural sexual urges will still arise, but they might feel like it’s out of their control. For example, having a “wet dream.”
Nowadays, with porn being so accessible, most of us wank it with the help of adult actors from time to time. However, Cindy explains that we often run the risk of watching a little too much X-rated content. Cindy has talked to plenty of folks who’ve found themselves struggling with erectile dysfunction as a result of porn dependency. If you find yourself getting off to porn in less than a minute, but not being able to achieve arousal at all with a partner in real life, you might have a problem on your hands.
Cindy suggests taking a break from jerking off to porn, and using your imagination while masturbating instead. She explains that this helps you get rid of the porn reel in your head, the one that makes real-life sex seem boring in comparison. When you use your imagination, you’re able to get to know your own preferences much better, and it helps you become more in touch with what arouses you. In the episode, Cindy delves into some testimonies from those who’ve tried this at home to great effect.
Having Sensational Sex
Without communication, sex can be pretty crappy. Men are often afraid to ask partners what they want, because they’re ashamed to admit they don’t know. Females tend not to even be educated about their own body…we rarely talk about the clitoris or female pleasure out in the open. If women don’t know the ins and outs of their own bodies, how the heck can they communicate to their partner what they want?
This lack of communication is only exacerbated by modern-day hook up culture. While the idea of hooking up seems exciting, the lack of trust and familiarity makes it hard for partners to communicate effectively, leading to less-than-satisfactory sexual experiences. In fact, about 48% percent of college students report being ambivalent about sex, citing their mediocre hook up expereinces. Which Cindy thinks is ludicrous! And I agree. As I say in the episode, life is too short for crappy sex.
Cindy and I break down how you can bring good communication into your sex life, so that you can have fun in bed! We get into female pleasure, pre-sex and post-sex conversations, and what we can learn about boundaries from the BDSM community. Also in the full episode, Cindy and I weigh the pros and cons of having a monogamous partner, and the strength of communication when you’re repeatedly experimenting with someone you trust.
In the Episode…
That isn’t the end of our conversation! In the interview, I speak extensively about the church’s problematic approach to sexuality and how being ousted from my church led me down a dark path. Cindy tells me about what she learned growing up as the youngest of seven siblings, and speaking to frat boys and sorority sisters all over the country about sex.
If you enjoyed listening, you can get Cindy’s three books anywhere books are sold. You can also check out her website, cindy-pierce.com. Or find her on Twitter, @CindyPSpeaker. Thanks for listening to Sex, Drugs, and Jesus, and I hope you stick around for another juicy conversation.