Let’s start with
the basics I am 29 and identify as non-binary, pansexual and demisexual. I am
on the spectrum and neurodivergent. I also have mitochondrial disease, ADHD,
associated mood disorder, anxiety, depression and more. I am however an open
book on everything. I am deeply engrained in the kink community and also
the furry community.
So I was born and diagnosed with mitochondrial
disease when I was young. Over the course of my life my single mother did her
best but like most parents of those with chronic illnesses she protected me way
to much. When my brothers were born they also were diagnosed with mitochondrial
disease I often joke that my mother hit the lottery 3 boys with mito with no
trace of it anywhere else in our family.
Having mitochondrial disease has posed many
challenges in my life from school where I had an IEP all the way into
adulthood. I have always known I was different from everyone else and growing
up with that knowledge has made life hard for sure. I also decided however when
I was 24 that I was going to stop feeling sorry for myself and not let my
condition define me. It was at this point that I launched Lights Out, Barks
Out! Or LOBO! for short.
LOBO is a night club event that focuses on being
sex positive, kink positive, body positive, gender inclusive, and creating a
safe space for all. When we started we were mostly a party in dc for pups and
furries but we have grown now to be in 8 cities and to include a wide and
diverse group of patrons. LOBO has changed my life and the lives of many others
who have found their community and safe space through us. We actually as of a
few days ago launched our non-profit wing called the LOBO Initiative which
focuses on LGBTQ+ youth and adults and those with disabilities who need a
helping hand to achieve their dreams.
In addition to LOBO I am a full time professional
DJ and producer and I get the opportunity to play all over the world at circuit
parties. This however is at great expense to my overall health. Having
the Mito and being on the road 24/7 working late hours into the 3-5 am time
slot isn’t good for someone with a mitochondrial cell deficiency. As I said
though I made the decision that I wanted to live my life my way and if that
means taking a few years off so be it.
– Professional touring DJ and Music Producer as
well as event promoter (including events geared for kinksters, furries, and
those with sensory issues)
– Non-binary, Pansexual, Neruodivergant (High Functioning Autism), ADHD, Associated Mood Disorder, GAD
-Reporter for Switch the Pitch Soccer Covering the USMNT
-Founder and COO of The LOBO Initiative Non-Profit
INCLUDED IN THIS
EPISODE (But not limited to):
An Explanation Of Mitochondrial Disease
Totally Kick Ass Grandma
Path To Becoming A DJ
Breakdown Of LOBO (Lights Out Barks Out)
Jake Helps Other Rise In The Music Industry
For Creatives To Get Their Break
Club Events For People With Sensory Concerns
Play & Furry Community
CONNECT WITH JAKE:
CONNECT WITH DE’VANNON:
Away Documentary (NETFLIX)
OverviewBible (Jeffrey Kranz)
Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed (Documentary)
Leaving Hillsong Podcast With Tanya Levin
· FreeUp: https://freeup.net
American Veterans (DAV): https://www.dav.org
· What The
World Needs Now (Dionne Warwick): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfHAs9cdTqg
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You’re listening to the sex drugs and Jesus podcast, where we
discuss whatever the fuck we want to! And yes, we can put sex and drugs and
Jesus all in the same bed and still be all right at the end of the day. My name
is De’Vannon and I’ll be interviewing guests from every corner of this world as
we dig into topics that are too risqué for the morning show, as we strive to
help you understand what’s really going on in your life.
There is nothing off the table and we’ve got a lot to talk
about. So let’s dive right into this episode.
Didinsky is the host of the Lobo, which stands for Lights Out Barks Out
podcast. He runs Lobo nightclub events all across the country, and most of all,
he lives his life out and proud. Y’all listen and learn about Jake’s
contributions to the kink community, and Jake is particularly interested in Pup
Play the Fur Community, which is super cute, super awesome.
Learn about Jake’s path to becoming a [00:01:00]
dj. The ways Jake helps others rise in the music industry and Jake’s tips for
those living with mitochondrial disease, which is something that Jake has lived
with all his life. That disease cannot be overstated as many people living with
it are not expected to live very long. ,
but Jake has defied the odds. He is still alive And he is so
here to help everyone in any way that he can. Please listen and fall in love.
with Jake, just as I have. Hello, you beautiful souls out there and welcome
back to the Sex Drugs in Jesus podcast. I hope you all are doing fan fucking task
as myself and my guest Jake Denki are doing. Jake, how are
Jake: you? I’m good.
I am just happy to have another day on this earth and, you know living the
dream one day at a time
Love you Tabernacle and praise. And so y’all is he Lobo which [00:02:00] stands for Lights Out, Bark Out, I believe
Lights Out Barks Out, I believe is what that stands for. He runs the Lobo
podcast and as well, he is a dj, an event promoter and a music producer, and so
he. Living a high energy life, . And today on this we’re gonna be talking about
his medical history.
He has something that’s called mitochondrial disease, which I’d
never heard from before. He’s gonna be telling us about his low boat
initiative, what his nonprofit does, and what it can do for you. So let’s start
with your own history. Like what is it you would like to tell us
Jake: about yourself?
Yeah. So the first thing people will notice about me, I’m sure
they’re in this podcast and just listen to me, is I’m severely adhd. So if I
jump around a lot, I apologize. In addition to that, I’m also on the spectrum
very proudly actually. So those are two of like my badges of honor, adhd, very
much so neuro [00:03:00] divergent.
As you mentioned, I have the MET Disease that was diagnosed
when I was I think four. Both me and my two brothers have it with no other
trace of it. And my family, I like to often joke that my mom had three boys and
hit the lottery. All three boys have a condition that it’s only passed through
the mother that she doesn’t have.
So go figure. You know, that’s always often the joke. I am a
dj, I’m a producer. I run light top, barks out the event all over the country.
In addition to our logo initiative, nonprofit as well as I am a soccer
journalist have previously worked in politics. I’ve kind of been all over the
place you know, run an e-sports team.
I, if it exists, I will do it. My whole thing is that basically
I don’t know how much time I have on this earth because people of my conditions
don’t typically live to be my age. And so I’m trying to take full advantage of
it and live as much of a life to the fullest as I. I
De’Vannon: admire you
and encourage [00:04:00] your, your strength
that you have there, that you keep going.
So, so you’re saying people with your disease don’t usually
live to your age. How old are you as of today?
Jake: I am 29. I will
turn 30 in in April. April 16th. Yes. I can do this. April 16th, I will turn
30. I will be officially gay dead as the kids say. But I am very excited to be
in my thirties and looking forward to that chapter.
De’Vannon: should be
looking forward to it. Thirties are wonderful. That’s when we really solidify
who we are. So how long do people typically live with this disease if, if 29 is
so far out?
Jake: So it’s one of
those things where it’s, it’s really like with the mitochondria disease, it’s
kind of hard to, to put a number on it, right?
Because the way I explain it is mitochondria cells are in
everything in the body, right? So when your mitochondria don’t work, That means
nothing in your body works the way it’s supposed to. And when you have a
deficiency where certain things in your body might work and other things may
not, it’s very hard to follow a [00:05:00] path
of how that condition may go.
So there’s really not one person who has my condition, it has
the exact same symptoms as anybody else. I often compare it to, if you take a
bag of a million jelly bean and try to pick out the same one twice, the odds of
doing that are slim to none. So on the one hand you have people like me who are
less affected but could go immediately plummeting like I was in the hospital
three weeks ago out of the blue.
Or you have people on the other end who are very, very, very
severely affected who don’t make it to V3 or four. And there’s a whole bunch of
sub conditions. And as we learn more and more about it with genetic
conditioning and genetic testing, like we are able to start to pinpoint it
more. But essentially it’s one of those things where, It’s really kind of a
crapshoot because you just don’t know.
You just, it, it’s, I was hospitalized with a minor virus that
spread, that nearly took me out and that was terrifying. And it’s something
that, you know, it’s one of those [00:06:00]
things where you just kind of, you never really know with my condition, and
that is something that weighs on you a lot as a.
De’Vannon: Okay. So
tell us like, you know, scientifically, you said that the, the mitochondria
don’t work or there’s not enough of ’em. Tell us exactly like your definition
Jake: disease. Yeah,
so with the mitochondrial disease, the scientific definition is essentially if
you have a deficiency within your mitochondria cell, the mitochondria cell
itself, then you have a mitochondrial disease.
Within that, there is a much broader spectrum of which one you
have. It can go, It is a very wide ranging spectrum. I think there’s like 67,
68 different sub conditions of mitochondrial disease. With myself, essentially
the, the most common thing that almost everyone of a MIT deficiency has is an
energy deficiency, right?
So right out the gate mitochondria produced like 96, 90 7% of
the body’s. So if they’re not working right, you’re already starting off of a
low energy. And having a [00:07:00] low energy
can lead to other things like having a weak immune system. And then you get
into things, like I said, every single organ, every single part of your body
has mitochondrial cells in it.
So if your cell mitochondrial cells aren’t working the way they
should be you’re gonna have deficiencies in those org organs. So as an example,
I had a feeding tube from the time I was like 13 to the time I was 22. I, when
I was 13, 14 years old, I was like 56 pounds and four feet tall. I was
diagnosed failure to thrive.
They had tried everything and I was eating like a machine, but
I was metabolizing things so quickly that the food wouldn’t like do anything.
It would just go right through. Right? So I had a feeding tube, and because of
that, that’s a lot of where my ADHD and my autism comes from. The mitochondria
GIS use, gastritis, gastroparesis, kidney stones since I was 13.
All, all this bumped up, all stems traditionally from the
mitochondria disease as a baseline. Well that’s
that’s like a lot. That’s like fucking a lot. Like fuck. [00:08:00] I looked up real quick and I saw that
about one in 5,000 people both in the United States and globally have this
Jake: Yeah. And a lot
of times it goes undiagnosed because a lot of doctors don’t know what it is.
So like most doctors, when I say mitochondrial disease, think
I’m talking about multiple sclerosis, which are two very, very, very, very
different conditions. I mean, they couldn’t be further apart. One is very much
so brain related and one is very much so body oriented. You know also I’ve
heard people say, Oh my, that must be muscular dystrophy.
That’s another one. Closer. But not exactly the same. I have
been guilty myself of walking into the ER and being like, Yeah, I just have
muscular dystrophy because if I say me disease, I’ve had doctors look at me
like I’m making something up. That has happened to me in the ER multiple times.
I went in to actually.
But I was admitted to the hospital the first after I saw, thought
I was just there to get opioids because I was making up something that he’d
never [00:09:00] heard of. And that was a whole
wonderful experience where I was like, Dude, no, I’m here because I’m in pain
and don’t wanna be on opioids. Please don’t gimme opioids.
This is a real thing. You should know this. You’re a medical
professional. I’m like that. A son of a bitch, , right? Like there’s nothing
more infuriating than walking in. Hospital and them being like, Yeah, we don’t
think this is a legitimate thing. This is like, we’ve never heard of it can, or
like, having you, I don’t mind having you explain to a doctor my condition.
I usually just walk in with a binder now that I just like hand
them. I’m like, Here’s everything you need to know about my condition from like
medical specialists in my, in my hoop, Specialize in medo. Just read this and
call them if you have any questions. Because at this point, like I’m so tired
of giving the spiel to these doctors that it’s just, it’s frustrating and
oftentimes they just don’t want to hear it.
I had to tell the when they were giving me my scope in the
hospital to check my stomach. I’m like, You gotta make sure you don’t gimme
lactic ringers. I will have a reaction. And the nurse looked at me like I had
three heads because most [00:10:00] patients
don’t tell on theirs that they can’t have lactic ringers or even know what
lactic ringers are.
So the fact that that was mentioned is just kind of one of the
things that I’ve been doing for so long. It doesn’t phase me anymore. Okay.
De’Vannon: And then I
read where you have an had an IEP all the way through adulthood. Yes.
Adulthood. And I’m assuming that stands for an individualized education
Jake: plan. Yes.
So one of the things that is actually very dear and important to
my heart is special education. I intend to run for school board at some point
in my life. I think that people with disabilities need more representation on
school boards from those who have gone through the special education program.
I had an iep originally, they wanted to give me a 5 0 4 plan, I
believe which is the alternative. But my mother made sure was an IEP cuz she
was a lawyer and knew the system, which is unfortunately something that a lot
of kids don’t have access to. But that is part of the reason I wanna get
We’ll come back around to that. But I was on an iep originally
they wanted to hold me back in third grade cuz I couldn’t write [00:11:00] cursive and that was a whole thing. They
gave me a bunch of. They came back and they said we can’t hold this kid back.
He’s reading at a college level. He’s writing at a college level.
We should actually skip him ahead of grade. And that was like a
complete whirlwind. So yeah, but the IEP was literally one of the things that
helped me get through school. I actually had to go to three to three different
high schools before they finally figured out a system that worked for me.
When I was at my first high school, I was getting like D’s and
F’s, but they couldn’t figure out why, because I was getting perfect scores on
the state test in Virginia and I was getting like, perfect scores on all my
exams. And the reason was I wasn’t doing the homework cuz it bored me. It
wasn’t challenging enough.
And so I just was like, I’m not gonna do it. Like it doesn’t, I
don’t get anything from this. So I would just like do the exams and then not
bother up the homework cuz I knew most of the material. Then they moved me to a
second school where I had a teacher tell me that I couldn’t go on a field trip
with my journalism class because she didn’t wanna be [00:12:00]
responsible for a medical condition.
Because she didn’t think I could ride the metro for an hour
with kidney stones, which was a whole thing. And my mom said, Uhuh, we’re not
doing this. Like we’re gonna, we’re gonna find a different place cuz this is
not like, acceptable. And then finally I arrived at Falls Church High School in
Virginia which is where I ended up graduating from and will always have a
special place in my heart, which is why I continue to go back there and visit
and get back to the school.
But there they kind of realized that they had to create almost
this alternative like, plan to help me, I guess, or I guess make it more
accessible for me, right? Because what ended up happening was I was doing all
these classes and I was, I was getting, like I said, perfect scores and I was
eventually they came up with the quantity or quality versus quantity.
Which meant that if I could prove that I was getting the
material, it wasn’t how much work I was doing versus the qual, the quality of
the work I was doing. So at one point [00:13:00]
during my senior year, we ended up with the situation because I started in
Maryland that I had to take world history. I, and in Virginia, that is a
freshman class in Maryland, that is a senior class.
I at that point did not want to spend an entire school year
surrounded by freshmen. Not that I had any problem with it, it was just that
for me, with being on the spectrum of a bunch of other issues, I was having a
really hard time connecting with the freshmen, being older. And also I had
always had a hard time kind of in school connecting with people my own age.
I often spent most of my lunch periods hanging out with the
staff and teachers. So they allowed me to spend that period with my teacher
from the previous year in us. And, you know, helping him with grading papers
and teaching US history and whatever world history had a test, I would take
that test and I would pass it.
And that was kind of how they allowed me to navigate my senior
year. Most schools wouldn’t have been okay with that, but in this situation,
they realized [00:14:00] that if they were
gonna fail me because of this, it would’ve, it would’ve made no sense because
at the end of the year, I got a perfect score on the state test, which is
something that should be eliminated altogether because state testing is a joke
and a massive fraud.
And realistically, is it the way we should be measuring
people’s success? But that’s a whole nother story. Mm-hmm. .
De’Vannon: Wow. Thank
you for going into such great detail with that. I appreciate it because those
are the sort of the, that’s the sort of information that helps people. So in my
research of you, I, I came across where you felt like your mom protected you
way too much because of this chronic illness.
I got the sense that. Maybe other parents do the same sort of
maybe like overprotection thing. So I wanna know like what advice you would
give both to young people who have this disease and also to the parents of
young people who have this
Jake: disease. Yeah.
So I think first and foremost I should acknowledge that [00:15:00] while my mom and I don’t have the world’s best
relationship, I acknowledge that she did the best that she could, right?
She had three boys, all of a chronic illness that she had no
experience with as a single mother. And I respect the hell out of the fact that
she did the best that she could in the circumstances that she could. And we
lived a relatively comfortable life growing up. And I will always have that
respect for her, right?
That that’s never gonna go anywhere regardless of how strained
our relationship is. That being said, I think that it’s important not just for
parents of people with mito, but for parents. I’ll start their parents,
especially of kids with chronic illnesses, to understand that. You know, at a
certain point in time, you’re not gonna be there for your child anymore, right?
Like, at a certain point in time, your child’s gonna have to go
out into the world in theory and figure it out on their own. And if you protect
them to a point where they get there and they’re so used to people doing things
for them that they don’t know how to handle themselves, it can create massive
roadblocks and relearning experiences that [00:16:00]
put them behind the eight fall.
Like I had never borrowed taxes previously up until a couple
years ago because I had always been claimed as a dependent, and then all of a
sudden I wasn’t a dependent and I had no idea how to do it. And it was like
incredibly overwhelming and incredibly alarming for me. And that was something
that I legitimately had to teach myself because I just had never even occurred
I think that the, the instinct just for parents in general is
to protect, right? Because this is, this is someone, this is your child, right?
Like you want the best for them, and you’re afraid sometimes to take your hands
off the wheel. . But I think that you have to trust and find the balance of
letting your kid going, go out and fail and learn from that experience.
But also being there to pick them back up when they do. Because
what I’m not saying to do is just push ’em out the nest and say, Okay, figure
it out. But I’m also not saying like, to protect them to a point where they
have no idea and think the world is this perfectly welcoming place to people
with disabilities because the reality is the world is really hard for people
with [00:17:00] disabilities.
It just is. It is not a nice world out there at times. And
that’s something that I think a lot of kids with chronic illnesses, when they
become into adulthood, find out the hard way. As for children and those teens,
especially young adults going through this trying to find their independence
and expressed that they can do things, You know, the way I finally got my mom
to get it was just by demonstrating that I was capable of doing things.
And eventually, if she really was adamantly against something
and I really thought I could do it, I would just do it. And. At the end of the
day, it may have led to some strain, but ultimately in the end, she understood
afterwards that I was just trying to show that I could, I could complete what I
was trying to set my mind to.
You know, she was pretty adamant against me becoming a DJ
because she didn’t think it would be good for me with my medical condition. And
so because of that and because of my dad previously being a DJ and [00:18:00] thinking it would be a really hard world
to navigate for someone on the spectrum and all these other things, she did not
want to get me DJ equipment when I was younger.
So I went on and bought my own. And then three years later she
came to see me play. She was like, Wow, you’re really good at this. Like, you
should be doing this professionally. I’m like, I am, should. I’ve been trying
to tell you for the last three years is that I, I’m good at what I do and I’m
okay with the trade off that it affects me medically because I make a bunch of people
happy and that’s okay with me.
But I think that not everybody has the ability to advocate like
that, Right? So, I would just say if you are a, a teen or a young adult out
there and you’re saying, Man, I really wish my mom or my dad would like just
get, get this point through their head. Just sit them down and be like, Look,
at a certain point, there’s gonna come a time when you just can’t protect me
anymore and I need to know how to navigate the world.
And I think having that come to Jesus moment with them will
really, really help [00:19:00] open their eyes.
De’Vannon: the, the
strain that you spoke of between you and your mother was, is that the primary
reason there was strain because, you know, you were getting away from her
control and it sounds like she wanted what she thought was best and you had a
different point of view and maybe she took that personally.
Is that what, Was there something else that strange y’all even
Jake: I think a lot
of it came down to the fact that she ultimately, Wanted to, wanted what was
best for me in her eyes. And I wanted what was best for me in my eyes. And I
was the oldest, right? I was her first born. So automatically she’s gonna be
the most protective because she hadn’t done it before.
And traditionally parents who have multiple children, the first
born is often told like, No, no, no. Like very protected. But then the second
and third or however many kids come after are often allowed to do things that
the first born may not have been allowed to. Like I wanted to play in middle
I was told no, but my brothers both joined band in middle
school. And unfortunately growing up, it’s [00:20:00]
not as big of an issue now, but growing up there was a lot of resentment there
because, well, why are you allowing my brothers to do the things you told me I
couldn’t? But as I grow older, I kind of understand and try to piece together
those decisions and it starts to make more sense to me.
But in the moment it created a lot of heat and strife. But a
lot of it, I think, did come down to the fact that yes, she. Wanted a lot of
control, wanted to kind of in her mind, this is what’s best. You know, I know
what’s best, like I’ve done it. And a lot of it came down to me feeling like I
was never quite good enough to live up to her expectations.
And that kind of created a lot of headbutting where you know,
being on the spectrum, a lot of these ideas kind of started fill in my head and
whether they were true or not, that’s what became the image of my mother in my
mind. Now we have come a long way since then. She is very supportive of my
She is very supportive of me now. She really does the best that
she can, but as my fiance says, I think that she [00:21:00]
is at the point where she just wants to be my, like, best friend and sometimes
not as much of like that’s a point of mother figure, if that makes sense. Which
De’Vannon: one would
you prefer? The best
Jake: mother, or do
you want both?
I mean, every kid wants to have that relationship with their
mother, Right? Where it was like you know, where. It’s mom, right? Like I can
call mom and have her do cartwheels because I’m playing in New York City like I
was last week. And you know, the reaction I got was, yeah, that’s kind of cool.
Okay. As opposed to like this overwhelming beaming of pride.
For me that was a very big moment. And so I think there’s
always a part of me that will want that relationship. But to understand that
you have to go back to the relationship I had with her mother, my grandmother,
which was, she was my best friend. She was absolutely, without a doubt the
person I was closest to on this earth.
I came out to her first when I was like 16 and she’s like,
Yeah, okay, let me take you to the sex shop. Like let me help you. [00:22:00] Like if you need a place to, you know, do
extracurriculars with people that’s not your house, that’s fine. You can do it
here. Like Grandma was the shit, like grandma used to have gay parties at her
house all the time when she was younger.
Grandma used to have all the kids in her neighborhood, but my
mom and my uncle were younger, come over and party in her basement so that if
they wanted to do drugs or something, they could do it under the supervision of
a, of a adult. And if they, something happened, she would rather to the
hospital and all the parents in the neighborhood were fine with this cuz they’d
rather them be doing it under the supervision of somebody than doing it out on
And so these underground parties would just happen at my
grandma’s house back, back in the day. And so she was literally everything I
aspired to be. She would give you the shirt off her back. I mean I very much so
am my grandmother’s child. And I think a lot of that bugs my mother in a way
that we are not as close as I was with, with my grandmother.
But that was just because, you know, [00:23:00]
grandmother, we call her, my mom and I were just incredibly close. We went to
flyers games since I was a kid. We would talk sports. We often joked about the
eulogies we would give at each other’s funeral because that’s how close we
were. If whichever one of us passed away first, like we had a very, very strong
She would not date somebody without my approval. Like it was
just, she was like, Okay, like I, she’s like, I need you to meet my grandson
and if he doesn’t like you, then like, it’s not gonna work. Like we were just
that close. It was that kind of a strong bond that some people just couldn’t
And I truly believe that even though she’s no longer here in in
person, she’s always with me in spirit. In fact, I always like to tell the. And
when she passed away, everybody assumed I would be devastated. I figured I’d be
devastated. But I went to the hospital, she just come outta surgery. She was in
a coma, and I, I held her hand and I was like, Listen, like you’ve been through
a lot in your life, girl.
Like, you know, it, it’s, it’s okay. Like you don’t gotta keep
biting this if you don’t want to. Like, I will be okay. You will, you will be [00:24:00] okay. Like, I trust, I trust that we’re
gonna be fine, but if you feel like it’s your time to go, then you know I’ll be
okay. And she squeezed my hand and I saw a tear come down her eye and I was
I knew that that’s what we were doing. And I looked at her and
I said, Just wait till I get back to your house before, before like anything
happens because I can’t be in the hospital. If you passed away, I will, I will
have a breakdown. And I drove back to her house and then I got the call that as
I walked in the door, she had passed away.
And then that. I had a dream where I, where she was there and
we spoke and we just spoke for hours and hours and hours. And she explained
like, Look, I just want you to keep living your life. I don’t want you to
derail everything. Like, you know, this is what I need from you is to not stop
living because I’m never gonna not be there.
I’ll always be watching you. And then I was fine the next day
and I went about my life. Yeah, I was, I
De’Vannon: gonna ask
you if you ever see her in your dreams because, you know, I see my grandmother
and my dreams, particularly in times of [00:25:00]
stress and trouble and I had that strong relationship with my grandmother too.
She, when I was a little crossdresser, running around at about
four or five years old in my, in an oversized shirt, one of my mom’s belt and
my mom’s little two inch pumps. You know, Granny would let me do that and she’d
keep a lookout in case my parents came back and give the signals I can get back
in my boy clothes.
And so, I’m here for the Grannys who watch out for the little
gay grandkids running around when the parents are too fucking stiff to get with
the fucking program. So you, it’s just the most mindboggling thing. You know,
grannys are born like the twenties and thirties and you would think people born
more recently would be the more open minded ones, but they’re just not.
And so, so then your siblings don’t necessarily have this
strained relationship with your mom because she was more lenient on
Jake: them. Yeah. So
my siblings actually both live out in California with my mother currently. I do
not, I live about as geographically far away as I can [00:26:00]
be on the East Coast.
And you know, I think that, yeah, there, there, there’s some
strain there, but not nearly as much as on that as we have. I actually don’t
have the world’s greatest relationship with my brothers either. In a lot of
ways I explain that my brothers are very much like my mother. They’re very type
A, they’re very materialistic.
Which is not, you know, you know, a bad thing in itself. If
that’s what they are, that’s what they are. Whereas I’m very much like my
grandmother, which is very type C. There is more than one right way to do
something. Like if there’s a start line and the finish line, how you get there
doesn’t matter as long as you get there.
My mother and my brothers, there’s a start line and the finish
line is really only one correct way to get to the finish line is how I kind of
like describe it. You know, to me my life has been a, a struggling journey,
right? Like it’s been, get knocked down, climb back up, get back down, climb
back up. But the point is I always get back up and manage to get across the
Whereas, you know, in I think my mother and my brother’s eyes,
it’s get back, get knocked down, but then go this way [00:27:00]
as opposed to, you know, I’m like, you know, dude, a bunch of circles fall down
a bunch of times, but I got there. But yeah, my brothers and I are starting to
develop a better relationship now.
It. Great. I’m one of them is better than the other. They’re
actually twins. So you know, there was always that to contend with. But yeah,
I, I really am actually not close with a lot of people in my biological family.
I do have a very close chosen family which, you know, we, in this community,
very much so value, but as far as my biological family, I’m very close with my
biological father, but like not anybody else.
De’Vannon: I am here
for all of the chosen family. Fuck this blood relative
Jake: trauma and
De’Vannon: The blood
relatives can be very, very bad for your health. Y’all pick you a better
family. Do not have to contend with them. Blood relatives.
Congratulations on the engagement. I heard you mentioned
Jake: So actually fun
story about that.
[00:28:00] We actually had to
do it twice. The first time I decided to do it at a pride party at Lobo. We
were planning to do it the following month, but my mom actually got very upset
that we didn’t call and get her permission to get engaged and that she wasn’t
there. So she flew in the following month to Lobo and we did it all again so
that she could be a part of it.
That is literally what we’re dealing with which is not a bad
thing in itself. I get that she wanted to feel like she was involved, and I get
that it was a big deal for her. Her oldest was getting engaged. She’s very
traditionalist in that way. I, you know, to me, I didn’t really think it was a
big deal in 2022 to have to call and be like, Hey, I’m getting engaged, you
But. I guess she felt she should have been informed and that’s
fine. You know, And her, when she was my age, that was kind of the way it was.
You know, Talk to your mother, talk to your father. Me. I’m like, Screw it. I’m
just gonna do this. Like, it was an auto whim decision at four in the morning.
So like, you know yeah.
But she did fly in the following month and we did it all again
at Lobo in front of 400 people. Yeah. I mean,
De’Vannon: [00:29:00] that’s cute and all, but you lost me at
Jake: Yeah, yeah. It
was, it was a choice. It was a.
De’Vannon: No, we
don’t. We don’t need nobody’s permission to do the fucks we want to do. But
see, that’s why I’m always preaching for people to get over this addiction to
family because inherent in blood family is a lot of control and a lot of
assuming that this person in the family or that person in the family cannot do
this unless we all agree it’s good or something, some kind of bullshit like
that, that I tuned out years ago.
I was like, Oh, hell no. . I observed my family. I’m like, You
know what? All y’all’s fucked up each and every fucking last one of y’all don’t
really know how to live your damn life, so you not about to try to tell me how
to live mine. Even though I am the youngest child. I got better sense than most
people in my family, if not them all.
you know? So, mm. There there’ll be no permission being
granted. None of [00:30:00] this. I never came
out. I was like, If y’all can’t figure it out, then shame on you. I’m doing my
fucking life. Deal with it. . I mean, that’s it myself
Jake: to you bitches.
That that’s it. Like that, that’s a hundred percent. It’s, there’s a ton of
That’s why I distanced myself from a lot of them.
De’Vannon: Yeah. So I
just wanted to point out we’ve been using the word chronic with this disease,
y’all. And so what that means is that it’s not like, and the opposite of that
is acute, meaning that it would go away over time or through treatment. Chronic
means that, in this particular case, that there’s really no like set cure for
the mitochondrial diseases.
Well, so what they were treated with is like vitamins, physical
therapy, I mean, not any kind of therapy to help the patient feel better, to
have a more comfortable life. They’ll treat the symptom as they come up with
various medications and stuff like that. But like with hiv, which is what, you
know, I have a history of.
There’s no way to like just say get rid of it. You manage the
symptoms and then you just promote an overall healthy [00:31:00]
life. So when we say chronic, that’s what we mean exactly. And so his website
y’all is jake maxwell productions.com. Of course that will go in the show notes
and then the social media and all of that will be there too.
So I bring up the website because this, I want you to tell
people about that website and about how it all got started. I read where when
you were 24 that you decided that you were gonna stop feeling sorry for
yourself and stop letting your condition define you. So I want you to talk to
me about this turning point that happened when you were 24.
I want to hear about how your mind was before, cuz it sounds
like you were in some. Pity party or a state of low self-esteem or feeling
sorry for yourself or something like that, which can happen to us when we get
sick or, or you know, we, or when we’re fighting these uphill battles. So talk
to me your mindset before you have this revelation at 24 and then
Yeah. So, you know, [00:32:00]
to understand that you kind of gotta go back to like when I was 18, it’s a
little bit of a journey, right? So I had all these aspirations as a kid of all
the things I would be doing with my life. And, you know, a lot of them I had
achieved, like, I worked, started working in politics when I was 16.
I was on a presidential campaign, I was on a senate campaign, I
was on a congressional campaign. Like I had done all this stuff by the time I
was 22. In fact, in 2016 I worked as a presidential and was like the youngest
one as a field director in Virginia. So without a college degree. So I had, I
had like accomplished that I did what I wanted to do on that front.
And then, you know, 2016 happened and the whole world just
kinda. Got flipped upside down. And I was not happy with the state of the world
and I was unhappy with where I was at with my life. I was going through this
situation where my grandmother had just passed away. And even though I was not
really affected by it as much as I was there, there was some lingering effects,
obviously from losing that [00:33:00] strong
connection that I had.
And I kind of, you know, was doing this DJ thing. I had, you
know, actually I’ve been in a kink relationship, not a, not a dating one, but a
kink one that it just ended and it ended very, very, very badly. And I was just
like, you know, I’m unhappy. I have this condition that’s gonna kill me. Like I
have, this is what was going through my mind, not currently, but at this time
it was like, I have this condition that’s gonna kill me.
I’m running into a wall. Like I’m, I don’t know how to set path
forward. I haven’t gone to college. Like, what, what am I doing? Like, what’s
the point? And. Eventually, like literally I was just lying in bed and one of
my other friends called me and invited me out to a kink club, ironically, which
is how this story starts.
And I was like, I wasn’t gonna go, but he didn’t really give me
a choice. He said, You’re coming or we’re gonna come pick you up and take you
regardless. So it’s like, all right, I’ll go, you know, what have I got to
lose? And I went and at this party I met someone named David Merrill. [00:34:00] And this person was the catalyst for my DJ
Over time me and who would eventually become my chosen brother,
best friend, and all around, like biggest support for me in my life. Corey, aka
Phoenix. He, we would do kink demos at David’s party. Corey would like flog me,
right? And that, that’s how my career started. And then one day I went to David
was like, David, can I like just dj?
I was like, The DJ’s not here. Do you mind if. Just try. And he
was like, Yeah, I mean, you know, it can’t be any worse than we’ve ever had, so
go for it. And I went up there and I’m jamming and I’m having the time of my
life and I get done and I’m like, Man, that was awesome. And he’s like, No, no,
it wasn’t, but you have potential and I can see it in you and I can teach you
because you have something I can’t teach, which is drive.
You have drive and determination and I think you can get there
if you get someone in your corner to give you the support and the skills that
you need. And I’m gonna do that for you. So sure enough, every day for like a
year, I’d go over to David’s house and [00:35:00]
I’d work on DJing and he’d show me things. And then eventually he started
booking me at his parties.
And then the next thing you know, I’m doing more of his events,
not just the one. We moved to another event at another event, and I’m starting
to get a little bit of a following, and then we kind of hit the turning point
moment for me, which is when I get reached out to by a bigger promot. and they’re
like, We would really like to book you.
We think you’re great. We think you’re talented, but we don’t
like that you’re non-binary and we don’t like that. You don’t really look like
what a traditional circuit party DJ should look like. Mm-hmm. because I don’t
really have the AB and I’m not like ripped and I’m not, all these other things
that traditional circuit parties, DJs at that time looked like and I’m like,
Excuse the fuck outta me.
The hell does that mean? And they were just like, Well, you
know, we just don’t think you’ll like, react well of the, probably will connect
with you like some of our other DJs. I’m like, Oh, okay, cool. Holding my beer.
So I I looked at Corey and, and my friend piloted time and we start, we started
Lobo and [00:36:00] that that’s what it was.
We, we basically started it because we wanted a safe space for
everybody else who wasn’t welcome at these, these circuit parties. So we
describe Lobo really as like a diverse circuit party. You’re, you’re not gonna
walk in the LOBO and see a bunch of cookie cutter gs, you’re gonna see the
And that’s what we describe it as. You’re gonna see the bears,
the kinks stirs, the pups, the furries, you know, your big guys, your little
guys. Everything in between except for that traditional, you know, Abercrombie
and Fit case, so to speak is how I describe it. And they come too, but in this
case, they’re not the majority.
They’re in the minority. And the looks on their faces when they
walk in is what makes it like just that much more special because they, it, it
dawns that this is a party for everyone and always will be. But that turning
point really for me, essentially be, it happened on a whim because I was just
like, you know, I need to stop trying to be what my mother wants.
I have to stop trying to be what everybody else wants me to be.
And if I really. [00:37:00] To be happy and
DJing makes me happy. Why not? Like I am not beholden to anybody else’s
expectations of me. I am not beholden to anybody else’s what they want me to
be. I basically was like, this is my life. And yeah, I may have all these
conditions and whatever, and this, that, and the other, but you know what?
There are people far worse off in the world than me who are
doing far greater things. And sure, I could sit around and be sorry for myself
and sit in my room and just cry and do all these things, or I can go out and do
something about it. And by doing something about it, it has now gotten to the
point where we could start the nonprofit, where we can get back to others who
may need that quote unquote kick in the butt supporting shoulder to get them
De’Vannon: Talk to
me. I commend your ambition here and for fighting to maintain a positive
attitude, making decisions. I appreciate the mentor who helped to mentor you
and groom you into DJing. So talk to me about how you give back. You mentioned
like you go back to your high [00:38:00] school
from time to time to give out.
I know Lobo has some sort of youth initiative. So tell me about
all the ways that you give back.
Jake: Yeah, so the
first and easiest way to say how Lobo gives back is Lobo has a policy that we will
never price anybody out of a party. If you can’t afford to come to our party,
you just shoot us a message saying, Hey, I need a ticket.
And we give you a ticket. It’s a no question to ask policy,
like we will never tell somebody that you cannot come to a community event. And
the reason for that is no one should be told, Oh, well, we know how much this
means to you and we know that you have friends in your community here, but
sorry, if you can’t afford the $15, you just can’t come.
It is a literally no question to ask policy. We will give you a
ticket. Now, if that starts happening every single month, we may have a talk,
but essentially the way it is is we buy a block of tickets every month as Lobo
to just give out the people. We don’t ask why we don’t ask the policy. I need a
Here you go. Like, that’s it. And again, the main reason for
that is because we know the impact this has on people. We made that decision at
day one that we were never gonna be the party that was so full of itself that we
were gonna tell people if you can’t afford to go too, too [00:39:00] bad. So that’s, that’s the first thing.
And that happens in every city we go to all across the country.
At every party we do that is like a non-negotiable. So do we lose money on it
sometimes, But it’s worth it for us because Community first, that’s what our
events always been about. Recently we also launched the nonprofit which is the
I believe we officially now have finally, finally gotten our
letter from the irs. I have to check. It’s supposedly in the mail, but it’s
taken them like eight months to officially get back to us cuz they were so
backlogged. But that’s why we’ve been like more quiet about it saying that it’s
And so we’re starting to roll it out. And the main, the main
focus of the non-profit essentially is like to focus on LGBTQ specifically
youth. Adults and adolescents and with a key focus on those with disabilities
who wanna chase their dreams, but just don’t have the financial support or the
emotional support to get there.
The easiest way I describe it is, you know, one of our [00:40:00] programs is a mentorship scholarship
program. You tell us I wanna be a dj, we buy you equipment and give you a
mentor in that field who will help you. And it’s too pronged for this reason.
One, getting the equipment is great, but you also need someone to help open
doors for you, right?
Because that’s how all fields work. It’s all about
communication and networking, and you can be really, really talented, but if
you don’t have somebody to sometimes help get you in, that can be half the
battle. If you don’t have someone you can call like, Hey, I just got offered
this opportunity, do you think it’s legitimate?
That can be a huge thing. So we pair you with a mentor to help
teach you your craft, but then also continually be there to help you along your
journey. And that’s one, when we explain it, what we don’t do is give out cash
value. We give out equipment, we give out classes, we give out basic things
that can help people go after their dreams.
Because that was the big thing for me. Had I had that support
earlier, who knows where I would be now. Wow.
De’Vannon: There was
a time that I wanted to become a DJ and I did go and research it. I would go to
like the Guitar [00:41:00] Center and just
different places and try to Google it and find it out. But it is so you, it is
not as simple as it, you know, getting turntables or now, you know, like a
MacBook, you know, and putting an app on it and then just going, Hey, I’m gonna
throw a party , you know?
You know, it was so, it was so, such a struggle to figure out
where the fuck do I get started? Okay. So I get the equipment, I start
practicing at home, then where do I go? Do I go knock on doors? You know? You
know. So the fact that you streamlined this process and. And, and to at least
give people a chance and they’re gonna be those who start, who won’t keep down
But at least they could say that, you know, they were given an
opportunity, right? In being willing to open doors or people in the industry,
you’re trying to give them what you got, which is somebody to help to vouch for
you. You know, I, you know, when you started DJing, I wish to the heavens, you
know, to God that we had that in every industry, you know, because there is so
much good talent out there, but it’s [00:42:00]
so much of it to this day.
It’s about who you know is like that in the author industry.
You know, I’m a good writer, you know, but, you know, and I have a lot of good
stories to tell, but trying to get it out there is difficult because there’s no
like, you know, mentor for, you know, for me to do that. So I appreciate the
fuck outta that.
Oh my God. Like, who knows? Maybe I’ll, I’ll go to DC or
something and join your initiative and become a DJ at Laugh .
Jake: So, so one of
the cool things about it is we actually have mentors in all fields. We have
people who work in the author industry. We have people who are writers,
artists, DJs. Like I use DJ as the example, cause that’s the easiest way to
say, but we, some of ’em reaches out to us like, Hey, I wanna be a film a
We have film editors who do YouTube, who are big YouTube stars
and all these other things who will help, you know, teach them and we’ll send
them a camera and we’ll be like, Hey, you know, here you go. Here’s who you
reach out to, you know, talk to them. Our whole thing is basically, if you tell
us what you wanna do, we will find somebody who can help you and get you what
It’s, it’s really [00:43:00]
that simple. And that is why, you know, we believe that it’s so important to
have this because it’s one of those things where you. There are so many people,
like you said, there’s so many fields who are ridiculously freaking talented at
what they do, but they just don’t have the monetary support, they don’t have
the equipment support, they don’t have the mentor to open doors.
And so because of that, they fall through the cracks. And that
is what we want to pick up the pieces in because especially in the disability
community, but across the LGBTQ and really all communities in general, you
know, people slip through the cracks and that’s when we have this opportunity
where we miss so many great, talented people.
De’Vannon: It does.
Well then we’ll talk after the show about what you might or might not do for
me. You know, I can’t lose anything by asking you know, so I don’t like how
they were trying to change you. You know, that [00:44:00]
opposition you met for being who? Are, you know, because the only reason that,
that, that production company would’ve reached out to you and told you all of
this would’ve been because they had in mind the way that they could change you
and make you into a different person.
You know? Other than that, there’s no reason to reach out and
be like, We love everything about you except for who you actually are. So
change that and then, you know, we could make this work. I come up against that
in the writing industry because I write very like real, you know, if we’re
talking about getting fucked in the ass and come spraying the place and
shooting up meth and blood on the ceiling, and then that’s what the fuck we’re
We’re not, there’s no other way to say it cuz of what happened
happened. But a lot of people are very conservative who hold a lot of power in
a lot of different industries, especially in the music industry and it people
who, who create very polarizing art, you know? You know, it sucks when your
work lands on the desk of that conservative bitch, you know, you know, in the
publishing house or in the, you know, be it music [00:45:00]
or you know, literary or whatever.
Because that person, I’ve seen them take like an adverse
reaction to work, whereas had had more liberal person gotten ahold of it, they
would’ve gotten a point as opposed to clutching their pearls and shit and
cutting off their circulation. Now they can’t fucking think straight, you know,
about what’s in front of ’em.
So what cities is low in, because when I looked it up, one
thing, you know, like just what cities? I know you’re at least in dc, Columbus,
Ohio, Virginia Beach, Norfolk area,
Jake: where else?
Yeah, so our website is a little bit behind because we’re growing much quicker
than one person could keep up of it. But currently we are in Norfolk, Virginia
That’s one. Columbus, DC, Pittsburgh, New York with, have a
couple other cities on the, on the way. In addition to some other ones that
we’ll be returning to, but those are the big ones that we’re at regularly. We
also have Richmond coming soon. [00:46:00] In
addition to Lobo the party, we also have Lobo, the drag show slash drag brunch,
which is in New York, Norfolk, and DC as well.
Which we do to elevate Queens who just wanna get experience and
also those who are incredibly talented. So we do that. And those, that’s where
we are currently. I can’t say some of the other cities we haven’t announced
officially yet, but we do have some more in the wings coming soon.
De’Vannon: Okay. I’m
taking a note on that logo drag show.
I’ll be in New York in November.
Jake: Well, we
should, we should talk, we should talk
De’Vannon: just the
first in November, so we’ll see. What’s going on for sure. So, so the circuit
parties, you know, they’re only like, The prices I saw were like 10, $15.
That’s not super expensive to begin with. For what a circuit party could cost.
Yeah. . So I thought the pricing was very, very humble and I’m
so pleased to hear that you’re really going out of your way to reach [00:47:00] for PE people. Do you have like a story of
someone who came, came to one of your events or one of your locations? Like a
before I get before and after story.
Jake: Oh yeah, I got
We get, we get messages from people all the time who have
literally said that our event has changed their life. And that’s one of the
things that actually I’m gonna pull one up right now. Sorry. I gotta find it
cuz there’s one I do like to tell like at the very onset because it was so
That’s fine. While
looking for that, I have another question. So in all of these cities, do you
have like an office? Do you have people who work for your organization? And
then congratulations on officially becoming a nonprofit. Yes. So, so do you
have a physical location? Cuz these parties don’t happen like, say every
So the easiest way to explain it is Lobo, the party is for
profit and the LOBO initiative [00:48:00] is
non-profit. Okay. So Lobo the party, which is where we are in multiple cities
officially, we don’t have offices, but we do have people on the ground in all
those cities who, and we have telegram chats for every city we’re in.
So people can come and join and find that sets of community for
the city that they’re, they’re going to. So there’s a Lobo Columbus chat, a
Lobo DC chat, a Lobo Norfolk chat. And these are like just telegrams and
messages that pups use. And what it is, is it’s just another way to create the
sets of community where people can just kind of come and express themselves.
We also have the one community shared for Lobo as all cities
share it. It is the Lobo Horny Jail chat. You can probably figure out what happened
in that chat. But that is because we don’t believe in people being restricted
and expressing themselves. We’ve never been about that. Like, go on, express
yourself, like, you know, do your thing.
So that is a chat for all the cities to come and do their
extracurricular horny stuff with. But that one’s always fun to just kind of pop
in and see what’s going on. But yes, we do have people and admins and all those
[00:49:00] chats. We also have a community
discord where people can go. So that is how we connect with everybody.
I’m always reachable. That’s partly why I’m so tired is because
I respond to messages like 24 7. But yeah. One of the things we tell people is
when we go to a city, we don’t just wanna be the party that comes and takes
your money and leaves until we come back. We are all about celebrating and
laying down community roots.
And a lot of these cities already have community organizations
outside of us. So we work with them, with those local organizations to help
them get funding or whatever we can do. To help elevate their events because we
don’t need to have a monopoly on this type of an event that doesn’t help
anybody. If they’re succeeding, we’re succeeding, and that’s what we’re all
That’s pretty kick ass. So basically since you have a network of people can
just, they do like meetups and stuff like that, they can still physically reach
out and text somebody in these various cities if need be. So can find all of
this at the
Jake: website. [00:50:00] All the telegram chats are on the website.
We also have a general announcement channel on Telegram, which
has all this info. We put it out on twitterer regularly and rotation how to
join the chats. But basically on all of our socials, you can usually find your
way to whatever chat you’re looking for. Or if you have the wrong end up in the
wrong chat, someone will immediately get you to the right one
But oftentimes what we see is that people join all the LOBO
chats because they just want to, even if they’re not anywhere near that city.
Oh, how fun. Okay. Do you have that before? I do. So one of the messages we got
a couple actually January of this year was from a friend of mine who’s become
very close to me, and the message kind of went something like this.
It says real talk. I have to say straight to you. I can’t tell
you how grateful I am for Lobo. I only found out about it around a month ago,
and it became genuinely one of the best months of my life, arguably the best.
I’ve had a very long history of depression and loneliness. I wasn’t exactly
popular in school growing up, being a nerdy, painfully shy, weird kid, and I [00:51:00] was really nose diving this year.
Then I ended up being introduced to this community and have
done a total 180 as far as my mental health goes. For the first time in my
life, I felt like I’ve had a true friend group, and I can’t describe how
amazing that felt. Put it this way, the day after the December lo, I felt
really strange, and it took a few hours into that day to realize that that
strange feeling was because it was the first time and I couldn’t begin to guess
how long that I woke up about a black cloud on my mind.
The sun seemed brighter, My vision was. The world just felt so
much more alive to me as I’ve reflected on my past what’s happened for me, this
path, I realize how much I was doing mentally in 2021, and the conscious of how
amazing this December’s been like for me, I’ve come to swear, Lobo has pretty
much saved my life.
It was getting that bad for me. I really don’t think I could
thank you enough for making Lobo a thing.
De’Vannon: Well, I’m
here for all of that. Let me go on ahead and give you a clap and
Jake: yes, , and you
get messages like that and just like it hits you so deep. Like, I mean, I cry
sometimes when I get messages like this [00:52:00]
because one of the things that is sometimes hard for me to realize is that
we’ve created something and I, I often get credited for, but it’s me and my
entire team and my co-owner and best friend and brother by choice Phoenix.
Like we have built this thing from the DC Eagle distinct little
party in DC into something so much bigger than we could have ever imagined. And
sometimes I especially kind of live in this bubble where I’m not aware how many
people it’s impacting or the impact it’s having. And so when we get that me
messages like that, it’s like, oh my goodness.
And at the end of the day, you know, people are always like,
Well, why? Like, why even bother keep doing it? And I always tell them the
following, which is that, yes, doing Lobo and being on the road every weekend
and traveling is terrible for me medically and will probably take a couple
years off my, off my life.
And I’m okay with that. I’m okay with that trade off. And the
reason for that is very simple. I am making people’s lives better. My team is
making people’s lives better. We are creating a community event [00:53:00] that is impacting the world. And that’s
all I’ve ever wanted. If I was to die tomorrow, I, I could leave a legacy that
we’ve changed some people’s lives and that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.
And so for me, if you’re telling me that I would lose a couple
years in exchange for saving a couple. Then that’s fine. If you’re telling me
that I can leave the world in this, a legacy in this event that basically will
help to create, find people of their chosen family, I’m okay with that at the
end of the day because that is what I’ve always wanted to do, is basically live
life like my grandmother and leave the world in a better place than I found it.
And right now there’s a lot of people leaving the world in a
much fi place than they found it. But if I can just impact one person, then it
was worth it for me. Amen. Everything
De’Vannon: you just
said. I mean, and you mentioned having, you know, fighting the disease and
traveling and you know, and I know DJs don’t exactly get off work at 5:00 PM so
I know, I know you’re worthy for the wee hours.
So is there any sort of special thing that you do to keep you
going? Because [00:54:00] I know you mentioned
fatigue, it can be one of the symptoms. So how are, how do you manage the
disease and do all that? You do
Jake: Red Bull, ,
lots and lots of Red Bull. No the DJ answer is Red Bull and Caffeine pills, but
the actual answer is basically from Monday to really, like Thursday it’s sleep
and recovery, and then starting on Thursday night it’s travel, and Friday and
Saturday it’s go, and then we start the process over again.
That’s really what it is. It is draining. It is hard. It is
rough. It is not easy with the mito, but at the end of the day, like I always
say, it’s, you know, the look on people’s faces at Lobo and the messages that
keep me going. It’s, it’s knowing that we’re doing something and. That
ultimately I get to live a life that many people wish they could.
And I’m very appreciative for that. But I’m also not mistaken
on how many people sacrifice for me along the way to get me here. You are a
motherfucker. I [00:55:00] love it. So, to
explain, Jake I read where you do like, you create events for people with
sensory issues. I wanna know what sort of sensory issues you speak of and how
Yeah, so that’s something new we are still laying the
groundwork for, but that we have done. And what we are trying to do is
basically create nightclub events for people who, who have sensory issues,
sensory overload, loud noises, lights like, you know, we can do. One of the
things that people often say is, and this is especially true in kink and
nightlife just for the record, is I can.
Make this accessible? Well, sure you can. You just don’t want
to, you don’t wanna put any extra legwork to get it there. There are times when
you can’t make something accessible. Like if there’s only a stairway up, I get
that. But, you know, don’t tell me you can’t play the music at a lower level on
a, on a certain night and not do a bunch of flashing lights.
Like that’s, that’s an easy fix. That’s an incredibly easy fix.
It’s just the fear of alienating your ongoing base is what is preventing people
[00:56:00] in a lot of ways with a lot of
disability accessibility. It’s fear of alienating those who might not want
that. And you can hear I think some of the passion in my voice when we talk
about this, because as someone with a disability, I never want someone to feel
like they can’t go somewhere because of something that may trigger something
So one of the things we’re trying to do is create basically
nightlife events that would be welcoming to people who can’t be around loud
music all the time. Or if something for like, people who can’t be around
flashing lights. One of the things we try to eliminate is any loud sudden bangs
or noises at Lobo.
We try to go out of our way to find venues that are accessible.
We can’t always do it because one of the things you’re working at with
nightlife venues, a lot of them are older, so we can’t always buy in places
that have elevators, but a lot of our venues do. And that is one of the things
that I think we can do a better job of because I acknowledge that like, even though
we do a lot, there’s always more we can be doing.
And so I think that yes, we’re [00:57:00]
aiming to do more sensory overload, wealth going friendly events, but that just
comes from me being on the spectrum. Like one of my best friends, Jay, is heavily,
heavily, heavily on the spectrum, and I know that if there’s any incredibly
loud noises around them, they could, they could have a panic attack.
And so we go out of our way to try to make everything as
accessible and welcoming as.
De’Vannon: It was very
rare. I meet somebody who I would say seems to be about as thorough as I am,
but you, Cause I, I keep my, my bases and my grounds fucking covered and I
don’t miss very much, but I take my hat off to you, motherfucker. You know, you
have so much of love and heart at the center of what you’re doing, and you’re
not money motivated.
And that’s something that I find to be highly attractive. You
know, in you, you know, I tend to run from people who are like money first. You
know, the money clearly has to be made, but, you know, it doesn’t, I don’t
really feel like that should be like the central focus. And I really feel like [00:58:00] you have your priorities in
Yeah. One of the biggest things that we decided when we started
Lobo, it was a very, we had a very length discussion about it was, are we going
to. A, a business business first. Like, you know, it’s money, money, money,
money. Like that’s the focus. And we’ll raise prices and as we go and as we go
and we’ll continue to raise prices and we’ll become a circuit party.
Or are we a community event that’s also making money? And we
decided that we were gonna put community first. And while yes, money has to be
made to sustain the business, that’s just a fact of life. And because this is
what I do for a living, I think everybody gets that. We will not price anybody
out. And that’s just a policy that even we’ve had other promoters say, Well,
you can’t continue to do that.
Why not? Why the fuck not? Like what, what’s like, yes, you can
have your circuit party for $45 and you could can kick people out who can’t
afford that. We’re not gonna do that. That’s never been what we’re about. I,
you know, it’s, to me, it’s mind boggling that someone could look at an event
they’re putting on and being [00:59:00] like,
Yeah, I only want people who can afford to be here.
Well then what’s the, like, what are you serving? Like, right?
Like, then you’re just, you’re no better than some of the big corporations like
Amazon, other places. So we decided from the onset that we were gonna put our
community first, and that meant that all of our events are gender inclusive. If
there’s a bar that’s like meant only, we’re like, Thanks, but no thanks.
That meant that all of our events were kink inclusive. But
there’s a bar like, Well, we don’t want X, Y, z kink. Thanks, but no thanks.
We’ve turned down bars because they’ve said we only want blah, blah, blah. And
we’ve said, That’s not gonna work for us. It’s everybody or nobody. We’ve had
bars said, We only want, you know, men, no thank you.
Like no straight women, no thank you. It’s everybody or nobody.
And that’s just how it’s gonna be. Oh, you better
You sound better. Than any church I’ve ever been in . So tell us, so you
mentioned kink and p play. Tell us what is kink and what is P play and there’s
all kinds of things in the kink world.
For some reason, this p play seems to stand out
Jake: with you. Yeah.
So [01:00:00] first off, kink is very important
to me. It is, and it’s, it is a form of self-expression that I think most
people have a misunderstood idea about. But once they learn about it, how their
world changes forever, right? It is one of the most welcoming communities for
the most part.
Asterisk. For the most part in general when we talk about kink,
right? It encompasses so many things, but pub play especially is important to
me because it’s one of the reasons, and it is the community that helped build
me up, right? When we talk about people who have sacrificed to get me to where
I am, there are about six or seven pups in DC.
Who, when I pitched them, the idea of Lobo worked the first
year and a half, two years for free. Like did not wanna get paid because the
event wasn’t making money. But I asked them to trust in my vision, and they
did. And they followed me through hell and back. And now they are all still
here as we are climbing the mountain.
And finally everybody’s getting paid. But they [01:01:00] took that leap of faith, right? And that
was a big deal for me, and I will never ever forget that. But Theup community
are the people who came out to my shows. They’re the people that welcomed me
in. And I am a pup myself. And when we talk about P play, like people are often
like, Oh, you have to have gear, you have to do this, you have to do that.
Like with all kinks, it’s whatever you wanna do of it, right?
There is no right or wrong way to do it. As long as you’re respecting
everybody’s consent and everybody’s legal rights and all that, then do what you
want and fuck anybody who tells you you have to do it a certain way. And that’s
partly why I feel as connected to it.
When I came back to DC. Originally coming back from Florida p
Play is where I found myself and partly why I picked myself back up. I found
that family in Theup community and while there’s a lot of drama in the pub and
fur community in general I wouldn’t trade any of them or any of it because
really it’s a, it’s a family, right?
And we fight like a family. And [01:02:00]
I just guess for me, it’s just something that has been, become such a part of
my life that it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s just ingrained. Like everybody calls me
Ultra, right? Because that’s my pop name. I started as DJ Ultra p even though I
go by Jake Maxwell now. And. Even my family calls me ultra now.
Like it’s just become ingrained in my personality. The other
day when I was in the er, they, the, the nurse stuck me with an IV and I
accidentally barked. And the nurses there know me so well that they’re used to
that. Now, that’s like how ingrained it is in my, in my, in my personality. So
that’s not to say that I think I’m a dog, but like, you know, it is to say that
p play is part of my life and it’s part that I wouldn’t trade away.
And I hear a bar, Oh, goodness. Oh man. See, the problem is I
can’t do it like, on command because like, I’m really bad at it. It’s one of
those things where like, it just comes out like, you know, I’m a woo, or I’ll
just go, Barb, Like, Oh, you’ll just be like, Ra right, Right. Ra, like, you
know, like waving like the Paul.
But like, yeah, [01:03:00]
it’s, it’s, it’s one of those things where it’s like, I can never do it on. You
have to be, This
De’Vannon: is like a
Yeah. You have to be in pop space or Headspace. Okay.
De’Vannon: Okay. I
feel you. Okay. So then the last thing we wanna talk about is drugs, man.
Drugs. Yeah. Before we get on the broadcast, you were telling me about how you
have been using ketamine therapy, which is now legal, I think in all 50 states.
Yes. To come back. Depression, I just got back from Oregon
doing a, so I went and did an eight hour, so session with a social worker and
an eight hour mbm, a session with a social worker. It took seven grams of
shrooms before I felt anything, and I’m being told that that’s a lot. So they
more to come on that later on when I do my show.
To kind of break down what happened. So talk to us about your
ketamine therapy journey and what it’s
Jake: done for you.
Yeah. So being in nightlife I am surrounded by people consistently who are
doing extracurricular drugs and all these fun things, right? Drinking and all
this stuff. [01:04:00] A lot of my staff.
Like genuinely does it my brother and best friend go does it
like so I however, have always been straight edge. Partly because I have the
depression and partly because I have sp anxiety. Corey, again, chosen brother
by Phoenix has gone up his way to make sure nobody in DC will give me anything,
even if I ask, because he wasn’t, because the one time I got accidentally Jod
with Ghv at the nightclub, I was depressed for three weeks and would not go to
I had a really, really, really bad reaction. And that was from
just as sip of Ghv. So when the doctor suggested doing Ketamine as a treatment,
I was like, Okay, that is a choice, but yeah, why not? Why not? And I spoke to
Corey about it and Corey’s like, Yeah, let’s, you know, it can’t be any worse
than where you’re at.
Right? Like, so we did it and it’s been transformative. I mean,
so the, the. About four weeks ago, I did my [01:05:00]
first treatment and I was going through a lot that week. You know, Lobo had
just had its first event in DC without me there, like DJing or being a part of
it. I took my hands off the wheel, which is something I’m trying to do more and
trust my staff more.
And I took my hands off the wheel and it became one of our most
successful events, which is good. Any sane person would be overjoyed that their
company is having a successful event without them there. For whatever reason,
the screwed up autism brain, like depression, brain anxiety brain that I was
dealing with at that time was like, Oh, they don’t need me anymore.
Like the, we went right down that rabbit hole, right? Which is
not what should have happened. And I just, just already depressed and I was
going through a lot and that is what made me kind of snap. And so I drove back
that night and I was, should not have driven back from Virginia Beach that
night, but I did up to DC just because I wanted to be back in my own bed.
And I had a really bad drive and a really bad night, and I was
really depressed and I almost drove my car off a bridge. And then two days
later we did the [01:06:00] ketamine treatment.
And I was like, All right, well this is gonna be fun. And in that ketamine
treatment, I talked with my, almost, I guess myself or something and myself was
like, Dude, you’re an idiot.
Like why on earth are you upset about this? Like what kind of
monster would be angry that it’s something you helped build a successful value?
This is what we want. It means you don’t have to be there every month. You can
focus on other cities. This is a good thing. And you there, and then this voice
in my head, which I assume was awesome, it was like, you need to call Corey and
be like, Hey, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have reacted this way.
I made a mistake. I’m really happy the event was successful. I
was going through a lot. I will be better in the future. And then as soon as I
came outta my trip, I immediately called Corey and said all that. And Corey was
like, I didn’t expect that. I was like, I didn’t expect that either. But that
is what happened on the first trip.
And I dealt with a lot of that, like head on, like right out
the gate. And ever since [01:07:00] then, we’ve
been dealing with things kind of past traumas as I’m doing the ketamine
treatment. And that is kind of been mind boggling to me that this, this, this
ke speak has been able to help me overcome all these things.
De’Vannon: Well, I’m
so thankful for all of these new treatments, the m dm a, the aside that, you
know, the LSD that’s coming back around from where the nasty government, our
government, you know, shut them down years ago when they were just really
starting to get their roots, you know, and get their legs underneath them.
But, you know, delays not denial. And so we have our drugs
being illegalized and criminalized so that we can use them to heal ourselves
and. I appreciate your candidness and your openness and your honesty on the
show today, Jake. The website y’all is jake maxwell productions.com. That will
go in the showy notes.
They are on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Jake, go ahead.
You take the last word. Say anything you wanna say. Give out any wisdom you
wanna give out or any [01:08:00] shade that
needs to be done. Whatever the fuck you wanna do, just
Jake: do it. Yeah. I
just wanna take a moment and acknowledge as we’re coming up on Indigenous
People’s Day that while this country continues to make strides on racial
progress and on progress in general, we have a long way to go.
And I’ve been noticing a lot on social media where people seem
to be wanting to take victory laps on how far we’ve come, but the reality is we
have got so much further to go. So if you are a cisgender white male
especially, and you have the ability to help allies and be an ally for those
who need you, those communities that need you right now, please reach out and
help where you can.
Because the fact of the matter is, is that we have lived in, a
lot of us have lived in this bubble more or less, where we have grown up
thinking that, you know, the world is this perfect, wonderful place. And the
reality is, is that it is not. But we can make it that. But it starts with all
of us. We all have a part to play, whether that’s an ally or industry.
And so if you are out there and you are hearing this, just know
that you can do more. Even when you think you’ve done [01:09:00]
enough, you haven’t. So that’s just what I’d then done. Amen. Amen.
De’Vannon: Thank you
all so much for taking time to listen to the Sex Drugs and Jesus podcast. It
really means everything to me. Look, if you love the show, you can find more
information and resources at SexDrugsAndJesus.com or wherever you listen to
your podcast. Feel free to reach out to me directly at
DeVannon@SexDrugsAndJesus.com and on Twitter and Facebook as well.
My name is De’Vannon, and it’s been wonderful being your host
today. And just remember that everything is gonna be all right.