In recent months I have come across two men who have gotten the victory over Narcissistic Personality Disorder!!! YES! – It can be done! God has been showing me and dealing with me on how I ogtta become more loving to people suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Because the are suffering and they are suffering in silence. I now take a certain type of responsibility in guiding people with NPD into a better existence. When I got HIV I suffered in silence because I thought I was alone – it was a problem in my mind. NPD is no different in that it tends to isolate people and make them unhappy. I want everyone happy – event the high level narcissist because ultimately they have what they have done because they are unhappy. Therefore this episode explores the beginnings my love that I intend to spread to every person suffering from this I can get speak to in this whole world because I am ok with being happy when people around me are not. I know a lot of people say NPD is not curable. I know a lot of people say these people cannot be helped. I say what the Angel Gabriel said to the Virgin Mary – with God nothing shall be impossible. So I invite those suffering with Narcissistic Personality Disorder to accept the challenge to get well – to do better – to open your mind to the possibilities of a more peaceful life. I have not abandoned and I will not abandon you. You already feel alone and the very last thing you need is for people to tell you that your situation is entirely hopeless. I think you have a strong deliverance waiting for you and I think that those of you who overcome NPD – I think y’all are gonna be some of the most incredible people that society has every seen. And you will be extremely close to God – because as the Scripture says, he loves much who is forgiven much. So all you really have laying before you is potential to be great and to great things for God in this world and in the one to come. Personally, I welcome you. I know that God welcomes you. God will not turn away from you and God is always there for you. The Scripture says that if our hearts condemn us that God is greater than our hearts. I chose to believe that my NPD babies out there are going to be alright. I have both seen and experienced the power of God in my life and God is alive and active in your life even though you may not be able to see it just yet. You will one day. And if it’s any consolation to you – know that you are not alone even it’s nothing more than knowing that this world has a lot of people suffering from this sickness. I encourage you to seek God – to seek a form of therapy that will work for you – to seek out support groups that have other people suffering like you are in them. With God there is ALWAYS hope – I don’t want y’all hurting yourselves over NPD. Suicide and self harm are a real thing in the lives of people suffering from NPD, especially those suffering from Covert Narcissism. I am so glad God has granted me the grace to look at someone who has NPD as someone who really needs help and love more than anything. God has allowed people with NPD into the world for the same reason He has allowed other types of personalities that are difficult to love: to test the love of the world. The primary purpose of this episode is to reach out to the heart of NPDs – However, there is a challenge on board for those of us who don’t suffer from that to not walk away from them. Let us reason together. Let us work together. Let us be there for each other. And let God be in the midst of us all because we simply cannot do any of this without Him.
In this bonus episode I present a Word of hope and light to those suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder from God. God does not desire for any of us to be lost. I do not believe that anyone is beyond saving. I do believe healing is available for all of us. The high level narcissist has a long road ahead of them but with God all things are possible. Let us help our fellow humans suffering in this way to find love in a way that they have never found it before and let us show them pity and mercy. What people suffering from NPD need is a new way to interpret the life that they have been living. Prayer changes things. Change is very much possible – but I need you to try. I hope this episode inspires you to see that there is a better way available to you. Please bear with me as I struggle to understand more deeply just what Narcissistic Personality Disorder is and what I can do about it.
HIGHLIGHT TO #PSYCHODYNAMIC THERAPY#
Information In This Episode Provided By:
INCLUDED IN THIS EPISODE (But not limited to):
· Becoming A Completely New Person
· What Can We Do To Help NPDs?
· #Suicide Risk Associated With Covert Narcissism
· NPDs – HEAL & *FORGIVE YOURSELF*!!!
· A Better Life For NPDs – YES!!! It Is Possible!
· Find A Therapist Well Versed In NPD*
· NPDs – Do You Really Love To Oppress People?
· Beware Of Grandiose Fantasies!
· You Can Get A New Heart, A New Mind, A New Soul & A New Spirit
· Let That Bitterness Go
· Why We Should Challenge Each Other
· Look All Around You For Signs That God Is Helping You
· Grudges & Bitterness Will Age You Before Your Time
· Forgiveness Is The CENTER Of All Your Healing
· Counseling Options For NPDs
· Couples Counseling Is Something To Really Research Before Attending
· Don’t Be Afraid To Start Small – But Do Start
· Overt Narcissism & Covert Narcissism – Do Any Of These Traits Resonate With You?
· Needing So Much Approval Is Giving Away Control
· NPDs – Who Are You & What Do You Want?
· NPDs – Why Motivates You And Why Do You Exist?
· Find Where Your Happiness Truly Comes From
· What Do Material Things Mean To You?
· How Long Are You Able To Sit Still For?
· I Offer You A New Perspective On Venting -We Need Solutions
· Can Playing Video & Fantasy Games Rewire Our Brains?
· When Things Seem Like Love But They Really Are Not
· Don’t Rush The Process And Don’t Give Up When It Doesn’t Go Your Way
· Can We Teach Narcissistic Personality Disorder To School Children Please?
· NPDs – How Can You Use Your Words To Uplift People?
· NPDs – How Can You Use Your Words To FREE People?
· Medications Are Indicated For NPDs’ Depression, OCD, etc.
· Please Let’s Show Love To People Suffering From This Disease Even Though I know It Can Be Hard
CONNECT WITH DE’VANNON:
· Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse & Codependency Support Groups (Virtual) – https://www.meetup.com/pittsburgh-narcissism-survivor-meetup-group/
· COSA – 12 Step Recovery For Victims Of Compulsive Sexual Behavior – https://cosa-recovery.org
· A Recommended Reading To Help Heal From Narcissism – https://amzn.to/41sg6FO
· Sex Addicts Anonymous: HTTPS://WWW.SAA.ORG
· Pray Away Documentary (NETFLIX)
o TRAILER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk_CqGVfxEs
· OverviewBible (Jeffrey Kranz)
· Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed (Documentary)
· Leaving Hillsong Podcast With Tanya Levin
· Upwork: https://www.upwork.com
· FreeUp: https://freeup.net
VETERAN’S SERVICE ORGANIZATIONS
· Disabled American Veterans (DAV): https://www.dav.org
· American Legion: https://www.legion.org
· What The World Needs Now (Dionne Warwick): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfHAs9cdTqg
INTERESTED IN PODCASTING OR BEING A GUEST?:
· PodMatch is awesome! This application streamlines the process of finding guests for your show and also helps you find shows to be a guest on. The PodMatch Community is a part of this and that is where you can ask questions and get help from an entire network of people so that you save both money and time on your podcasting journey.
De’Vannon: [00:00:00] In recent months, I have come across two men who have truly gotten a victory over narcissistic personality disorder. Yes, yes, yes. It can be done. God has been showing me and dealing with me on how I gotta. Become more loving to people suffering from narcissistic personality disorder because they are suffering and they’re also suffering in silence.
I now take a certain type of responsibility guiding people with N P D to better existence. Now, when I had H I V, I suffered in silence because I thought it was the only one in my head. I thought I was alone. It was a problem in my mind. Narcissistic personality disorders are no different than that. It tends to isolate people and make them very unhappy.
It makes them miserable. I want everyone happy, even the high level narcissist, because ultimately they have, [00:01:00] ultimately, ultimately, whatever it is that they have done, they have done it because they are unhappy. Therefore, this episode explores the beginnings of my love that I intend to spread to every person suffering from this disease that I can possibly speak to and insert something positive into their heart, into this whole world.
Because I am not okay with being happy when people around me are suffering in silence is not the way God intended us to be. I know a lot of people say M P D is not curable. I know a lot of people say these people cannot behold, so I’m gonna say the same thing as the arch angel Gabriel said to the Virgin Mary when he flew down here to tell her that she was gonna be born a C of a Holy Ghost.
And he had to explain to her and when she got confused as to how this could be possible, and the angel Gabriel told her, [00:02:00] I understand where you’re coming from. My daughter. Understand that with God, nothing shall be impossible. Thank you Lord Jesus. So I invite those suffering with narcissistic personality in order to accept the challenge to get well, to do better, to open your mind into the possibilities of a more peaceful life.
I have not abandoned you and I will not abandon you, and you already feel alone. And the very last thing you need is for more people to tell you that your situation is entirely hopeless. I think you have a strong deliverance waiting for you. And I think that those of you who overcome narcissistic personality disorder, man, I think y’all are gonna be some of the most incredible people that our society has ever seen.
And you’ll be extremely close to God and be highly used with them too. Because the scripture says he loves much who is forgiven much. So all you really have laying before you is potential potential to be great and to do great things for God in this [00:03:00] world and in the one to come. Personally, I welcome you.
I know that God welcomes you. God will not turn away from you, and God is always there for you. He always has been. The scripture says that if our heart can demo us, then God is greater than our hearts. I’m gonna say that again. If our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts. Not my, my, my, my people suffering out there.
Y’all are so hard on yourselves with this narcissistic personality disorder. Uh, but I choose to believe that my n p d babies out there, I’m gonna be all right. I’m gonna speak that over y’all. Y’all are gonna be all right. I have both seen and experienced the power of God in my life, and God is alive and active in your life.
Even though you may not be able to see it just yet, you will one day and if, if any consolation to you know that you are not alone, even if it’s nothing more, then knowing that this world has a lot of people suffering from the same [00:04:00] sickness. So I encourage you to seek God and seek a form of therapy that will work for you to seek out support groups that have other people suffering like you are in them.
God, there is always hope. I don’t want y’all hurting yourselves over N P D. See, suicide and self-harm are a real thing in lives of people suffering from N P D, especially though suffering fromt narcissism and see, it’s worse for the covert narcissism in this sense because avert narcissist turns inward.
They don’t go out, they don’t talk to people. They can really get lost in our heads, and my desire is to pull. You all as much until the light as I possibly can. Actually, it is God that will do the healing and not me. And what I am glad about, what I am so glad about is that God has granted me the grace to look at somebody who has N P D as someone who really needs help and love more than anything else in the world.
The Lord has healed me from all that I’ve been through with the narcissist in [00:05:00] my life. And I, I wanna present that healing to you as well. This is a much better feeling to be trying to help them than to be angry at them. God. God has allowed people with N P D into the world for the same reason. He has allowed other types of personalities that are difficult to accept, understand, for love to test the love of the world.
The primary purpose of this episode is to reach out to the heart of Npds. However, there’s a challenge on board for those of us who don’t suffer from that, which is to not walk away from people who do suffer from N P D. It’s too easy to walk away. We need to, I, I want y’all to embrace people, love them, rip your arms around them, and when you think you wanna leave, just stay.
Anyway in terms of trying to help them come, let us reason together, let doesn’t work together. Let us be there for each other and let God be in the midst of us all because we simply cannot do any of this without him. [00:06:00] You know, in this bonus episode, I’m gonna present a word of hope. And light to those suffering from narcissistic personality disorder from God.
God is not desire for any of us to be lost. I do not believe that anyone is beyond saving. I do believe healing is available for all of us, high level narcissist as a long road ahead of them, but with the God things are possible, let us help our fellow human suffering in this way. Find love in a way that they have never found it before.
And let us show them pity and let us show them much mercy. What people suffer from N P D need is a new way to interpret the life that they’ve been living. Its my evangelist Nelson used to say, prayer changes things, changes are very much possible. But I need you to try and hope this episode inspires you to see that there is a better way available to you.
Please bear with me. I struggle to understand more deeply [00:07:00] just what Narcissistic personality disorder is and what I can do about it. And look, I’m not saying that I’m, that I completely understand everything I went through with this past relationship. I’m not saying I completely understand the damage that it did, but what I am saying, it is time for me to turn the attention away from me and to put it on the people who are suffering in this way.
Because really it all boils down to pain. Reach out to me. Let me know what you think about this episode, and please share it with somebody that you know. I love you. And just remember that everything is gonna be all right.
Hello, everyone in the world out there and welcome back to the Sex Drugs in Jesus podcast. I’m your host, Devon, and I’m here with a word of healing and peace [00:08:00] today for those of you who are suffering from narcissistic personality disorder. In this episode, we’re gonna talk about some of the, the signs and symptoms of an overt narcissist versus a covert narcissist, and we’re gonna talk about some different treatment options towards the end.
There’s an analyst who I discovered in Raquel Learner’s book that I’ve been reading. This beauty here, I call the object of my affection is in my reflection, RealPage Turner. Can’t put it down. I’ve sent a couple of copies to a few people and they all have the same RA reviews about it anyway. This analyst that I discovered in Raquel’s book, their name is Neville Simington, and they observed that when narcissism is opted for, it is protect the individual against appalling pain.
Now, I know y’all have [00:09:00] heard the shows and everything that I’ve been doing as I have been trying my best to process through all the, the hurt and the pain and the manipulation that I went through dealing with the covert narcissist, who I was in the relationship with for almost five years. But you know, right now, God is calling me to move past like the angry phase and to, and to forgive my ex and the, and, and to just let him go.
I’m happy to say that after the, after the work that I’ve been down here in port doing and a litany of prayers and all kinds of different dreams and different revelations that I’ve had and different signs and tokens that God has left me in different places that I go, things that I know when I see them as God speaking.
You know, I’m, my, my heart is starting to change, you know, and I’m starting to look at even my ex as [00:10:00] somebody who I can have mercy on and, and show pity for. It’s been a long road to get here, but this is, this is the will of God for my life. You know, I had a dream. You know, not too long ago, and the Lord was, was telling me in this dream that it’s time for me to forgive him.
You know, it can be easy for us to, well, they like people with an narcissistic personality disorder. And from this point on, I’ll just refer to them as npds. We, we, you know, we in mental health or in the mental health circles that I’ve been poking my head into, try to get away from referring to people who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder as narcissist.
Because really it’s two different things and we’re all a little narcissistic. People with N P D are in N P D as somebody who’s on the high end of that scale.
So, you know, I’m one of those people who, if somebody’s on death row, I’m like, I’m not [00:11:00]advocating for their death. I’m like, I don’t care what they did. You know, when Jesus got crucified, he had, I think it was like a thief and a murder with him. People, society didn’t particularly care for God is a very patient individual.
You know, I, I’m not for the death sentence. I believe everybody can be redeemed and, and should be given as many chances as they need to get things right, you know, you know, to get their shit together. You know, we have so many options in this world from all kinds of spirituality at our fingertips to, you know, endless education, to all kinds of therapy.
You know, it’s there if you want it. People who I used to think were just mean assholes. And I went back and counted, and I think I’m up to about shock cuz there was like seven or nine people in my life who are definitely, you know, in PDs. And it, [00:12:00] it was like a sense of relief. That relief to be able to make it make sense, you know, why this person was just so aloof or mean or dissociated or seemed the lack empathy and just, you know, you know, it, it made sense once I went back and, and put it together.
It was just like everything like lined up.
But I can see that these people are extremely misguided, they’re very hurt and they tend to not let that hurt go. How did my, my sponsor when I was in the crystal meth anonymous program, you know, told me that if, if I have anger and resentment, then I hold onto it and I won’t forgive people and untangle myself from that, then that’s like me drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
You know, this is the message that I would. You know, speak to anybody suffering from [00:13:00]narcissistic personality disorder. It’s like a long time for me to attach suffering to somebody who’s on the high end of the narcissist scale because of the damage that they do to people, you know, on a, on a consistent daily basis.
But I’ve, I’ve gotten to a point, God has brought me to a point where I can look on even somebody who is suffering from narcissistic personality disorder and just look on them with pity. I, I would not want to live every day in just a misery with little pockets of joy here and there, which really are nothing more than a distraction.
And I’m gonna tell y’all, you know, if you, you know, you gonna listen to this episode and share it with people because we really have to be honest with ourselves and see if this is something that we have. You know, I know, you know, I know some of these people who I now know a narcissist have been going to therapy for years and they still have those [00:14:00] same tendencies.
Now. They either they’re going in there lying to the therapist or their therapy is not trauma informed enough to understand when they have somebody within N P D setting in front of them, which happens all the time, or in the wrong kind of therapy or something.
But if you’re gonna bother to, to go to therapy, you really have to, you know, to go with Anna’s intentions and to tell the truth. But, but no matter what, I believe that you can grow to become some of the strongest people within our society because you’re gonna have to overcome so much in order to do it.
Overcoming things of what makes is what will make you truly strong is what makes us all strong. You know, and, and you will need a guide, you know, to, to, to, to lead you outta this entanglement and this darkness that you’ve been living in. You see, it’s like you’ve gotten used to the darkness. It’s like you’ve gotten used to the confusion, you’ve gotten used to the, to the way you hurt people.
You’ve gotten used to it. That [00:15:00] doesn’t make it right, it doesn’t make it beneficial to you. It doesn’t make, it certainly doesn’t make it beneficial to the people in your sphere. But what I need you to do, and I’m talking to the people suffering from narcissistic personality disorder, is to try to overcome your fears, you know, and tell the truth to who, whomever you find to be your guide.
And this needs to be somebody you can trust unequivocally or at least work on trusting them unequivocally, because if you can’t tell them the truth, or at least work on telling them the truth. If you’ve got, if you’ve gotten used to lying, it’s gonna take some time for you to get unused to lying.
That’s not a, a switch, you just gonna flip overnight. But how can they help you if they don’t fully know what they’re dealing with?
So, before I get too much into this, I’m gonna, I’m gonna say a little prayer for the people suffering from narcissistic personality disorder. And look, if you’re not one given a scripture and you don’t religious hold [00:16:00] God in reverence like that, that’s fine. Y’all know, I don’t judge anybody for whatever their spiritual or religious or lack or not non-existent such practices are.
But you have to stand for something as they say, or your fault for anything. And so, you know, God is who I believe in. And so that, that is why I reference the Christian Scriptures. I don’t identify as a Christian. I believe in the Trinity. I do not judge anybody for their religious practices or, or, or for not having them.
So please just try to listen with an open mind and try to find a way to make it applicable to you. Father, right now, in the name of Jesus, I come into you, you know, spreading my arms up to you on behalf of everybody suffering from this great problem. It pains me in in many ways to know that I was walking alongside people through this life who were suffering in this [00:17:00] type of silence.
And I didn’t know my Lord. I know now. And I thank you for giving me the strength to stand up and do something about it. Lord, I don’t care what they’ve done. I don’t care who they’ve done it to, and they will come to you and confess and work on trying to stop it. I’m asking you to meet them wherever they’re at in the grab their hand and they yanked them up out of this mess that they are in.
But with God, nothing shall be impossible. Help them to help themselves and help them to rise up higher in Jesus mighty name. All right. The book of Isaiah chapter one, verses 15 through 20 says that in when you spread forth your hands, I will hide my eyes from you. Yeah. When you make many prayers, I will not hear.
Your hands are full of blood. Wash you, make you clean. Put away [00:18:00] the evil of your doings from before my eyes cease to do evil. Learn to do well. Seek judgment. Relieve the oppressed. Judge the fatherless, plead for the widow. Come now and let us reason together says the Lord. And though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.
Though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. If you be willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land. But if you refuse and rebel. You shall be devoured with the sword where the mouth of the Lord has spoken it. Let me go through this with y’all. So verse 15, when you spread forth your hands, you know, like, like I just did, it’s not about being perfect.
The Lord does not expect any of us to be perfect. He expect us to own up to whatever it is that we’ve done in the work on changing it. That is what Jesus came here for. To, to, to wash away your sins, to give you a way out of trouble. Evangelist Nelson always used to [00:19:00] say, you know, when you, when you do something, you know, come and tell me.
Admit to it, you know, talk to God about it. That’s what the word of God is there for, to get you out of trouble. Yes, sometimes God is chastising us and getting on us and the Lord says, you know, you know, he loves those who He chastises. You know, it’s like, like if you’re in a relationship with somebody, being friends, romantic or other true love is to challenge each other, not to accept all of your friends or your partner’s habits and vices or their ways, you know, challenging each other’s.
How we get each other to rise higher and when the Lord is getting on us is not to be mean or you know, anything like that is to help us to grow. You know, if somebody does not love you. Then they just let you go on about your way as, as requisite ever, and don’t mention anything. You know, it is a loving thing to, to challenge people and to point out areas where our [00:20:00] friends and loved ones and lovers might, could, Mike could do some adjusting, but with the Lord here saying, when you make many prayers, I will not hear, but your hands are full of blood.
It’s kind of like you can’t really go to to God non repentant, and somebody’s hands are gonna still be full of blood because they haven’t confessed what they’ve done. But somebody’s hands to be full of blood, that means they’re still continuing on in whatever it is that they’re doing. Then I’m not saying that to what extent, you know, God will or not won’t hear you.
You know, you know, Jesus has done a lot for us in terms of, you know, getting our complaints and petitions in front of God. But, but what I do know is that your relationship with God, if you’re trying to have one, will be hindered if you are yet in the midst of hurting people [00:21:00] and you’re not, and you’re not trying to change.
You know, so
when he says, wash you and make you clean and put away the evil of your doings, It’s like, God, God is talking to the nation of Israel here, and he’s trying to to chase after them. Like, well, I mean like, like, like a lover would a, you know, a stray lover, you know, trying to, or like maybe like a parent would, a stray child, you know, trying to get them to just act right.
You know, God, God is the, like, supreme being none higher, none more powerful. None, none more wise, none greater. He don’t have to chase after us like this. My God, in all of his greatness is incredibly humble. He’s at the same time, both the epitome of power and the mid epitome of humility simultaneously, that blows my mind.
He is pleading with his people to just act right to, to, and to just come to him and tell the truth. He says, learn to do [00:22:00] well. Seek judgment or relieve the oppressed.
Think about people who, who, who have narcissistic personality disorders, that they tend to put people into oppression. So much of these laws and governance from like the Old Testament in the Bible have to do with just how anti-oppression God is. So this gets us into like relieving people from debts and letting all slaves go free different years.
But, you know, there was like basically a maximum of 50 years that you would be in like a financial bondage or any sort of physical servitude that somebody else The nations that were around Israel were heavy into oppression and God didn’t want his people like that. God doesn’t like us, you know, slaved under burdens in life.
And unfortunately, you know, npds well, you know, they’re, [00:23:00] they’re like slave drivers, you know, in a lot of ways. You know, when, you know, when my relationship ended, it’s like there was a relief that came and I didn’t understand that. Just how subtly I had been brought into an oppression. It was a mental thing, the subtle, emotional thing.
It happened before I knew it, and then I got used to it. But then when I woke up from that, it was like, where have I been? You know, it was like a spell had been lifted up off of me. And so, you know, this, the, the oppressive, the oppressive spirit that exudes from narcissistic people is not in line with God.
You know, you, I, it’s interesting. You’re going to need spiritual help to deal with a spiritual problem. So just cuz you read lines like this, I suggest you press forward anyway. And just to get [00:24:00] real with God in your prayers. They don’t have to be all magical or mystical. Does it be like, well, Lord, you see, I’m not a truthful person.
I tend to make people miserable who are around me because I’m not happy. I don’t want to be the oppressor. I wanna help to liberate people. This is where I’m at right now, just go to God and tell him the truth. He already knows. So, but you know, like, like Gabriel told Mary when he went to deliver to her the news that she was gonna be pregnant with Child of a Holy Ghost and she wondered within herself, you know, how can these things be possible?
Gabriel told her with God, nothing shall be impossible. I do not subscribe. But to this thought that once an narc once an A an an N p D, always an N P D I don’t believe that. I do not believe that everything is subject to change. Everything is subject to change. How [00:25:00] Well we’re gonna talk about that. Come down.
Let us reason together though your stands be a scar. That can be why snow? Well, the thing with people within N P D is that they don’t think that what they’re doing is wrong. So it’s kind of hard to repent for something if you truly believe that it’s right, because you know, your moral compass is not there.
You don’t really have empathy and I guess you just can’t see right from wrong. I don’t know. I’m still learning about this. I just, I just really felt like that I would come. That God wanted me to come here today and, and give both the word of, of warning and relief because in this scripture then the one about their read and revelation, God does that.
It’s like he would hit, it’s his children with these, you know, with like these rough words. And then he would turn right around and a swash them and tell, and give them a peaceable answer. You know, the chastising was always to lead his children [00:26:00] to a better, a better day. But God wants to reason with you and he wants to affect change.
It doesn’t matter how you are now, sins gonna be red like crimson the day God wants to make them widest snow today. You know, you don’t have to stay the way you are, but it is a choice. You know, nobody can, nobody can make somebody with N p D change, that’s for sure. But I have heard of two accounts of people who were high level narcissists who went to therapy and they were able to see market improvement and to turn that aspect around in their life.
One of them told me it’s not like completely gone, but he can seize it when it comes up and then therefore it does not have the dominance over him anymore. Okay, I’ll take that you see, to, to, to be li to be [00:27:00] deliberate or something sometimes does not necessarily mean it’s fully gone. Like Evangelist Nelson’s husband, you know, pastor Lloyd Nelson once said, you know, he was referring to like physical sicknesses, but I believe it can expand into other areas of life.
He said, just because you die with something, don’t be, don’t believe you die because of it. That doesn’t mean that you die because of it, you know? So having tendencies that that sprout up and being able to recognize them and some days may be better than others, but that’s a heck of a lot better than not even be aware, being aware that what you’re doing is hurting people or wrong.
So, I have heard two accounts of people who have gained significant recovery from narcissistic personality disorder. He says, you’ll be willing to obedient. You will eat the good of the land. So just because you prosper in this life in terms of material, possessions, friends, sexual partners, [00:28:00]lovers, whatever, you know, travel, whatever the things you like, you know, and, and just different advantages and open doors that well, those things are not gonna make you happy.
And it doesn’t mean those things necessarily came forth from the Lord or from a good place at all. Because why? Because, you know, we read in the scriptures where, you know how Lucifer, where the Holy Ghost led Jesus up to the mountain after he got baptized to be tempted of Satan. And one of the things Lucifer tries to give Jesus is, is all the richest and kingdoms of the world.
Only in exchange if he shall bow down and worship him. Now, I’ve spoken this once before. You know, El Lucifer is the original narcissist. I don’t mean that insultingly to him. But any kind of evil in this world didn’t come from, you know, did not like necessarily originate, you know, with God, yes, [00:29:00] God can create evil, but he didn’t go around putting it into people like that, you know?
So to Lucifer, the original narcissist, you know, tried to get Jesus to give him adulation and to worship him, he, I guess he thought he could get some attention and some praise from Jesus in that weakened state. But my point is, the devil has power to manipulate and navigate the riches of this world. Okay.
You know, I’ve heard of people trying to do like rituals and different, like spiritual rituals and different things like that to try to demonically gain wealth and things like, you know, and things like that. I ain’t gonna say it’s impossible. We’ve heard, you know, the rumors of [00:30:00] maybe certain sacrifices, you know, you know, human sacrifices and things like that, that certain people, you know, in the spotlight may or may not have done in order to gain celebrity and not notability.
We see this in American Horror Story, gosh, I think it was season nine where the new voodoo queen gets her a talk show and everything, and it was not by natural means, you know? So we wanna be careful that, that our strength is, gets pure and righteous and that the way we go about acquiring things is of the Lord.
And, and not to be deceived in the thinking that just because life’s going good at what, what we and what we’re able to do or get, that, that this is, that this is like true living in the Book of Revelation in chapter three verses 17 through 18. It says, because you say, I am rich and [00:31:00] increased with goods and have need of nothing, then no knot that, that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked.
I counsel you to buy me gold tried in the fire that you may be rich in white Raymond, that you may be clothed, and that the shame of your nakedness do not appear and anor your eyes with eyes out that you may see. Now, why would, why would Jesus tell people who are already rich and increase with goods and don’t have need of anything to buy more gold?
The difference here is that what, what Jesus is offering is gold tried in the fire. This here is a higher level of wealth that extends beyond this plane of existence. It’s true, true prosperity as heaven would judge it. And he says that they may be rich. So as Jesus is analyzing them, it doesn’t matter what they’ve accomplished in this world, he does not consider them to be wealthy or rich at [00:32:00] all.
And although they already have clothes, but he’s considered them to be quite exposed and naked. So, and how is God, you know, really, really looking at us, you know?
And then he says, for them to anoint their eyes with, eyes out that they may see. So what he’s telling them is that it doesn’t matter how they live their life, what they’ve even gained, what they’ve acquired, where they’ve been able to go you know, no matter how prolific their sex life might be. What, what the Lord is saying here is that you have been blind and as far as he’s concerned, your eyes still need to be open.
Now isn’t that something to, to amass things in this earth and things that are popular. And to, and to get before Jesus. And he tells you that you didn’t have a clue what you were doing.
Now, the comfort here for my npds out there is that you, I don’t think anyone could argue that you are certainly [00:33:00] amongst the most emotionally and spiritually poor in this world. You don’t have a lot of, you know, internal things going on. You know, it’s sad to say, but it’s true. But can’t we see, you know, from, from these scriptures here, how, how, how God and Jesus have so much mercy and pity on people in some, any kind of like poor and broken state.
You know, Jesus said he came to, to help the sick of the world and whatever. So whatever’s poor, whatever’s broken, whatever needs mending is why Jesus came here. He didn’t come here to, to fix people who were already together. If you are suffering from narcissistic personality disorder, you are, you are indefinite need of assistance, both spiritually and physically because you know, you know, you’re not happy.
You know, you know the things that you do to try to, to hide and you know that you are full of fear, you know, and, and all kinds of [00:34:00] self-loathing and things like that. And,
and, and all, all I’m trying to say is that it doesn’t have to be that way. But you gonna have to get honest with God. And even if you gotta start there before you can begin to get honest with people, start in your prayers. That is one thing I’ll say, you know about my ex. I, I, you know, I taught him how to pray.
When, when I met him and I began to talk to him about spiritual things in God to him, he said God was just some dude floating in the sky. Those were his words, not mine. I was like, okay. So I, I can work with that, you know, by the time the relationship ended, then I can say like his prayers, the way they, they were becoming more fervent, you know, the, the anointing was getting up in his prayers.
The spirit was getting up in his prayers and talked to him about baptism and things like that, [00:35:00] and waited for him to, to tell me when he was ready. And I personally baptized him. So I saw, I’ve seen somebody who’s an extreme hoovert narcissist begin to grow spiritually. That that is a good seed. You know, that was planted, you know, maybe God will do something with that.
One day. His behavior seemed like, his physical behavior seemed like it only got worse. But who knows when God won’t do what he’s going to do. So what I’m saying is start down the path. On a, on a better spiritual journey and a better physical journey in terms of mental health treatments and things like that.
And even if you don’t see immediate results, keep doing it anyway. When it’s not easy and the world isn’t going how you expect it to be, don’t let that sadness coming, prevail over you. Don’t get, don’t let yourself get disappointed and pessimistic. Get up and try again. [00:36:00] Get up and try again. You’ve been this way a long time, okay, it’s gonna take some undoing, but you, it can be done.
Then revelation in the second chapter says unto, unto the angel of the church and smearing the right, these things says the first and the last, which was dead and is alive. I know your works and tribulation in poverty. And in parentheses it says, but you are rich. As many as I love, I rebuke and chasing beil is therefore, and repent.
So now this is the, Jesus had words to say to to, to more than a few churches there at the beginning of the book and Revelation, and this is the only one that he did not have a criticism for, and the only one that he says is poor. Now this church is here in a.
Had been, they had had like their ability to trade strip from them and they had fallen under all this persecution and everything, and they were going through a time they [00:37:00] were living in poverty. Okay. But, but Jesus looking at them and going, I don’t care what the world says about you, or as I’m concerned you are rich.
It stands out to me that, that Jesus says that he was the first and the last he wished was dead and is alive. There are many people in psychological circles who refer to people with narcissistic personality disorder as the living dead, you know, or the walking dead. I have to say, I agree. You know, I think about like vampires who have to constantly leach off of people in order to, to feel anything or to feel alive or to keep going.
But no matter how much they do that, they cannot become undead, you know, or zombies that have to keep munching on people. There’s no, it’s like constant action without true deep through the marrow of the bone and then through the soul satisfaction, you know, that is what you don’t have [00:38:00] when you abide in a, in a high narcissistic way.
You have like, like you look alive, but you, but you’re really not, you know, not down to your core. And but that’s okay because. You know, Jesus is saying that he’s already experienced death and he understands what it’s like to be dead and to come back alive. So really, if you have n p d, which what you need is a resurrection, you need a new heart, you need a new mind, like a new spiritual heart, a new mind.
You need a new soul. You need, you need to do a whole makeover. But the Lord says he has the power to make all things new. And that’s a beautiful thing. If you can get a deliverance like that, you know, and I believe that you can, that you’re gonna have to work for it. You’ll have to work for it. Yes.
Miracles do happen. And yeah, what I’m saying you have to reach for is a miracle, [00:39:00] but it is not like it’s out of reach.
And then, then in back to Isaiah chapter one, verse 20, it says, but if you refuse and rebel and rebel, you shall be devoured with the sword. But my whole Lord has spoken it. I feel like, you know, the narcissist undoing will be themselves cells
like I do. You can’t, everything you put out there is gonna come back to you. There’s no other way around it. So, you know, if you keep hurting people saying all kinds of crass things to them and not care. Their feelings hurt, lying, leading double lives, you know, cheating, intentionally, manipulating, saying, and do things to taunt people.
Cuz you know it’s gonna cause a misery that’s just gonna bring more of that to you because the Lord says in another place that they, that live by the sword, must die by the sword. You know, there, there can be no other way, but this is all being stated [00:40:00] so that you can be warned and changed. And, and Psalm one 19, it says, you know, I thought about the direction that I was headed in and I turned around.
You can always turn around as Dave Co says in his song, you know, as long as you are breathing baby, you can start all over again. You know, God’s grace and Mercys are new every morning and it’s available to you. You just gotta reach out and get it. It’s just like seeing as my knowledge increases as I go through Raquel’s book, that I’m coming into a great understanding of just how much people in p d are in serious, serious, serious pain.
Then, I mean, serious. This, this is not, like, this is not good. I, I have a bleeding heart. I, I don’t like to see people cry. I don’t like see people suffer. I’m not trying to tube my own horn, but it, it, it, it, it, I wanna see people happy and, you know, you know, living true life. [00:41:00] But when people who are richo and kill themselves and things like that, it’s like, okay, what did we miss?
How did, how did, how did this happen? You know, where was their joy really coming from? They didn’t get it from any of their activities in life. And these are people who have had way more access to things that many of us has, and it still wasn’t enough. So then what must we change our perspective and inside of us, what I’m offering is, is, is one way that, that I know that you can do that.
So then how does this, how does this reconcile with how I told you before when I was talking about a narcissistic personality disorder, people having Reba minds and how the Lord, you know, was telling you, has told us to turn away from touch people. Well, if you’ve been hurt by somebody who’s a high level narcissist, suffering with N P D, you know, that person has neuro pathways and habits that have [00:42:00] trained them or they’ve gotten used to hurting you, you know, however instant or said it may be, they, they are in their own way.
And a lot of narcissists don’t really like to change, you know, their stripes too much. You cannot heal yourself by constantly being exposed to them, hurting you. They are not gonna be able to focus on healing themselves when they’re still. How shall I say this? When the broken parts of their mind and is in their spirit is still causing them to hurt you.
Okay. Like they only have so much energy, so they cannot, they can’t, they can’t play the games they think they need to play in order to keep you around and truly work on them, because they may just go to the therapist or whatever, just for a show.
Let me see. There was something that I read in Raquel learner’s book. [00:43:00] Hmm. She says that that people with N P D usually reserve punishment for those they were in relationships with, and I don’t think she meant just intimate. This is why people who are high level narcissists are so nice to people they don’t know.
It’s much easier for them to have a positive exchange with a total stranger than with somebody who really cares for them because they don’t have to demonstrate their true vulnerabilities and the things that they fear that the world is gonna judge them for. The things that they feel are not good enough, who’s a narcissist are very, very masochistic.
They, they are so hard on themselves and their minds, but hey, if it’s just, you know, a casual sex with some dude off, off the internet, that’s much easier for a narcissist than like a, a deeply committed relationship. If it’s a parent, a parent who’s a narcissist, being kind. With a stranger at a grocery store, but then getting home and yelling at, [00:44:00] at everyone in the house, you know, they don’t, they don’t need as much of their mask if they don’t feel like they’re going to be attacked or pro possibly be seen for who they are.
You see? But in order for, in order for a narcissist to, to somebody who’s a high level narcissist, to overcome, you know, this is a journey that that, that you really have to take by yourself because you cannot function without a person to react to in some way. So, narcissistic personality disorder cannot exist in a vacuum.
Like there has to be some human, some living, being for the narcissist to take it out on, to beat up, to say nasty things, to, to twist and manipulate, to dangle like a rat in front of a cat, and let you know, [00:45:00] and let it, and just tease and taunt the poor thing. They can’t do that alone. So, I don’t know, you know, I suggest you consult, you know, a mental health professional about what they would recommend, and we’ll talk about some types of psychotherapies that have been known to work with narcissism towards the end of the you know, this episode.
It’ll take a lot of bravery, but I just don’t see how, how it could be done any other way. I just don’t I read something where even inpatient, an inpatient medical treatment is, is, is rec recommended and indicated for people trying to get over narcissistic personality disorder. Now, why might that be to take, I mean, the same way you all, the reason why you always admit people in inpatient is to get them away from their surroundings and their environment so that [00:46:00] whatever negativity they’re trying to overcome is not gonna be just ultimately reinforced.
So I don’t know what a alone looks like. What I would suggest to ask the mental health professional is, you know, you know, can you still have a romantic relationship? You have to let certain friends go. It’s gonna depend probably on those dynamics. But
basically, how can you remove yourself from everybody you’re manipulating and hurting so that you can grow?
I don’t know, because you, you also cannot exist in a vacuum.
I don’t know. But I do think pausing, at least for a little bit, even if it’s only a few weeks or a few months or something like that, to just gain some [00:47:00] introspection and see a new direction that you can go in, can be beneficial. But something’s gonna change because you know, you know that no matter what you’ve done, that you’re still not truly happy.
Near towards the end of my, you know, my last relationship, you know, was I was asking him, you know, why, you know, what makes you happy? Are you happy? And you really couldn’t answer. You know, we hadn’t done so much and been in so many places and done so many things and none of that, this is who I realized, you know, what, what he was.
None of those things made sense. You know? How can you not be happy? And I’m like, well, what do you actually want? You could answer it what you want. If you are suffering from narcissistic personality disorder to be made whole. You want to, to embrace who you are and be able to come out in the world and not feel like you need the praise of people.
And you want to accept [00:48:00] yourself and not give a damn, if anyone else does. You know, you, you want you, you want to live with the truth. You, you tell your lies. But you know, deep down, you know that that’s not actually getting you anywhere. That’s all to hide, you know? We gotta, you know, you gotta learn boldness, you know, to really make it in this life.
And it’s, it’s not a bold way to live. So there’s a lot of net denialism that comes along with the narcissism because a lot of narcissists, a lot of people suffer from narcissistic personality. They sort of don’t like to admit they have problems. And so, well, you’re not gonna get very far if you cannot, you know, admit that you have something going on.
You cannot heal from something that you never did. And so your cycle will continue. So I’m gonna read through some of the general narcissism, overt narcissism, whatever you want to call it. I’m gonna read through that, and then I’m gonna read through from the definitions of [00:49:00] covert narcissism as well.
And there’s more types than that, and all kinds of subtypes, which you’ll learn whenever you pick up Raquel learner’s book. But let’s see, general narcissism, let’s see, narcissistic personality disorders, a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance.
They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others, but behind this massive extreme confidence, they are not sure of their self-worth and are easily upset by the slightest criticism. A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school, or financial matters.
People with narcissistic personalities disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they’re not given the special favors or admiration that they believe they deserve. They may find the relationships trouble [00:50:00] and unfulfilling and other people may not enjoy being around them. Treatment for narcissistic personality disorder centers around talk therapy, also called psychotherapy.
We’ll talk about those more towards the end. Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females and often begins in the teens or early adulthoods. Some children may show traits of narcissism, but this is often typical for their age. And does it mean they’ll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder?
Mm-hmm. Symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder and how severe they are can vary people with this, with the disorder can. So I’m gonna read through some of these symptoms. Maybe this is something that you’re suffering with and you don’t know because it comes the way na narcissistic npds work and operate is, is natural to them as an empathetic person like it.
It comes as easy to a person who’s a high level narcissist to lie [00:51:00] and manipulate and go out and cheat as it is for an empathetic person to tell the truth. Be, be vulnerably honest and to never cheat. It’s two different, it’s two different, it’s two different songs they’re singing. It’s like it’s, if they were two different instruments, one would be tuned to the key of G sharpen and the other one to the key of a minor.
Like you can’t, and each key makes sense to the the respected instrument, the, and that’s all that there is to it.
So let’s see. So have an unreasonably high sense of self importance and require constant excessive admiration. Again, this is the overt narcissist, not the covert narcissist. Feel. There is plenty of overlapping amongst all the narcissism and subtypes, though mind you feel that they deserve privileges and special treatment.
Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements, make achievements and talent seem bigger than they are. Be preoccupied with fantasies about [00:52:00] success, power, brilliance. Beauty are the perfect mate. Believe they are superior to others and can only spend time with or be understood by. Equally special people.
Be critical of, and look down on people they feel are not important. Expect special favors and expect other people to do what they want without questioning them. Take advantage of others to get what they want. Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others. Be envious of others, and believe others envy them.
Behave in an arrogant way. Brag a lot and come across as conceited. Insist on having the best of everything. For instance, the best car, or sorry, or office. At the same time, people with narcissistic personality is already have trouble handling anything they view as criticism. They can become impatient or angry when they don’t receive special recognition or treatment.
Have major problems interacting with others and easily feel slighted, react with rage or contempt, and try to [00:53:00] belittle other people to make themselves appear superior, that have difficulty managing their emotions and behavior. Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting the change.
Withdraw from, or avoid situations in which they might fail, feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection. Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, humiliation, and fear of being ex exposed as a failure. Thank God, they just, I, I just feel such, such sadness for people who like literally walk around with all of this swirling inside of them, you know, every day, and they’re not telling anybody or reaching out for help and when to see a doctor.
There’s people with narcissistic personality disorder. You may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they usually don’t seek treatment. Admitting you have a problem, baby. If they do seek treatment, it’s more likely to be for symptoms of a depression drug or alcohol misuse or another [00:54:00] mental health problem.
When they view what they view as insults to self-esteem, that may make it difficult to accept and follow through. But treatment, yeah, if, if you recognize aspects of your personality that are commented, narcissistic personality disorder, or you’re feeling overwhelmed by sadness, consider reaching out to a trusted healthcare provider, a mental health provider.
Getting the right treatment can make your life more rewarding and enjoyable. So like depression and, and like O C D and different things like that do run concurrent with narcissistic personality disorder is not uncommon to see somebody with N P D be on all kinds of like regimens and treatments for, for all of these other circular issues.
The issue I have with the way therapy is done in, in these United States is that so many therapists don’t know how to recognize N P D. [00:55:00] Yeah, I don’t know if it was of God. I’m pretty sure it was. But nevertheless, you know, you know, me and my ex, we went to couples counseling twice. I had sent him over to the hypnotherapist that I use so that they could refer him to one.
He was using the same one since clinical social worker as I do.
I have a feeling the hypnotherapist probably picked up on that, but it’s not like they could exactly tell me. But the other three, you know, you know, never a word. And then my ex never really told me too much about what was going on, you know, in his private sessions. But that’s a lot of therapy, you know, over all of those years for, I mean, they, they got the anxiety, they got, you know, they, they, they got some of the other things that were going on with him.
They picked up on that, but they completely miss, you know, the whole narcissism part. And I get, therapists can only go off of what you [00:56:00] tell them. You know, my ex, you know, w w w with an exquisite liar. But, you know, there, there, there’s other ways though that you can discern. This is very subtle. It’s very subtle.
And I’ll tell you now that I’m out of that situation when I meet an narcissist now, I, I can see it quick. I can see it so quick. Anyway, I digress. That’s a gripe I have. If you’re a therapist, please learn something about narcissistic personality disorder. If you have children, give them this woman’s book or Carol learner’s book, or sit down and teach them before they start dating.
Don’t let them walk at that out, that house on that first date without knowing about this. It’s just too prevalent. It’s just, it’s just too much. It’s like literally everywhere I go, I hear so many stories about people who have been impacted by people who have narcissistic personality disorder everywhere.
If I’m on the phone handling business, the representative, same thing. It’s
covert narcissism. Now the symptoms [00:57:00] covert narcissism. Well, let me see. I’m, I’m getting ahead of myself. The symptoms, it will be infused in what I’m about to say, but this has to do with shyness and introversion. Now, covert narcissism is more strongly linked to introversion that other types of narcissism.
This relates to narcissistic insecurity. People with covert inferior are deeply afraid of having their flaws or failures seen by others. Exposing their innermost feelings of inferiority, which shatter the illusion of their superiority. Avoiding social interaction helps lower the chances of exposure.
You know, when I read this one, and look, y’all, I’m, I’m done being angry at my ex, but it’s my lived experience. So what he’s, you know, although I said there’s seven or nine narcissists, this is like the main one that I’ve been with, so I’m gonna have to reference our situation. [00:58:00] He’s forgiven as well, you know, and I’m doing my best to move forward.
But here I thought he was just as quiet, socially awkward nerd just because he was an introvert, not because he was high level narcissist. It’s two different things. You know, it’s different if you just kind of don’t like to go out. It’s different if you’re doing it to intentionally hide from the world, you know?
You know, and I think about that, that statement that he made years ago. And he was like, he doesn’t, he said he doesn’t think people really want to know the truth. He lied towards the end of our relationship once when I challenged him again on that and He said he had walked that back out. I, he never did.
And what he was saying was, his interpretation of the world is that truth is not important. You can have whatever fantasy you want, as long as people are seem to be happy and you get what you want from people, [00:59:00] go ahead and tell that lie. You know, people who are, who are narc, high level narcissists think this way.
They get lost in fantasies and they, they, they cannot separate their fantasies from reality
going out. So avoiding going out, you know, they’ve told themselves that this is an acceptable way to live rather than facing whatever the issues and risking being heard. You know, things may not go the way you plan. You know, they can’t, you know, people in N P D cannot handle rejection and the emotions that come along with that.
But learning to set in those emotions of a part of the human experience. So we cannot run from hurt and pain and disappointment and go run into sex. Go, go do drugs, go steal from people, go hurt them. You know, we have to face the emotions, you know, that is the only, the only way out is through not diversions and distractions.
So I [01:00:00] was just shocked is to see like, okay, he wasn’t just, you know, a homebody for the sake of being a homebody. He was a homebody out of fear. Out of going out, you know, and being rejected by people. You know, I tried to push him to go out. I would take him to club and on trips and things like that, and at some point he seemed to enjoy himself.
You know, I’d be lying if I said he didn’t open up about some of his insecurities, but I really didn’t see a whole lot of letting it go. Cuz another thing with people are high level narcissists, they tend to hold grudges. They like to hold onto the pain that people have put upon them or they perceive that they put upon them.
You know, confessing that you have an insecurity is one thing, but not really, really working to get rid of it is another thing entirely. One of his chief complaints was something that a girl said to him, like back when he was in middle school, [01:01:00] you know, he was almost, I think he’s gonna be like 27 this year, you know, middle school.
How old are we? 12, 13, 11, something like that. I was like, okay, when somebody first does you something, whoever you are, it is on them for having done it. But after time, if you’re still mad about it, that’s, that’s just you. That’s just you at this point. It has nothing to do with what that girl said. And what that began to teach me about my ex is that he.
Wants to be better. You know, he does not want to let any of it go. We were in round the second couples counseling like years later and this was the first time he mentioned this girl. We had been together for three, four y you know, three, four years. And now, you know, I’m just now hearing about something that she said that hurt his feelings.
[01:02:00] You know, you know him not being able to, you know, express him his sexuality in his household, which, you know, boggles my mind because both of his parents are totally gay affirming. He mentioned something, some outer relatives, aunts and uncles or whatever said that was anti L G B T Q, but I was like, but that’s not what your mom and dad said.
The people with narcissist personality disorder have a tendency to take on that negative voice so much easier than they do the positive wherever it is coming from. So y’all gotta really, really watch the voices that you allow to control you because the negativity controls narcissistic people, and they are, they’re under a heavy hand of oppression.
That’s why they’re able to oppress other people.
So, let’s see, they simultaneously feel superior and tend to distrust others. [01:03:00] Some of the symptoms are gonna be self-consciousness, insecurity, defensiveness, sensitivity. Look, if you think you’re gonna get a meaningful apology out of an N P D, just move on. Cuz you won’t. They might, you might force them to say the words, but they, they are not actually, sorry, they don’t, they don’t possess that access to that emotion,
sensitivity to what others think of them. High sensitivity to criticism,
you know, it’s like Trump, the different people you see in the media have every kind of insult for everybody. Demeaning, demeaning, demeaning. But let somebody say something about them. You know, passive aggression, a tendency to put themselves down. This is not what you think. Let me read this further. It says they might speak modestly about their [01:04:00] contributions and I would add about themselves with an underlying goal of earning compliments and recognition.
Or they may offer a compliment to get one in return. So what this is saying is that a high level narcissist is going to try to bait you into saying something nice about them by feigning humility in a way for a while. Oh, and I should have said this. You know, at the beginning, this information is coming from healthline.com and Mayo Clinic.
I’m gonna put both of those links in the show notes as I always do,
grandiose fantasies, feelings of depression, anxiety, and emptiness. Covert narcissism involves a higher risk of co-occurring depression and anxiety than other types of narcissism. There are two major reasons for this. Fear of failure or exposure may contribute to anxiety [01:05:00] and frustration over idealized expectations, not matching up with real life, and the inability to get needed.
Appreciation from others can trigger feelings of resentment and depression. Now, a lot of the things that plague, you know, in PDs or what they make of it in their head and not actually how it is,
this is worse with a covert narciss, but they don’t do a lot of talking. Say like what Trump, he says the quiet part out loud. You know exactly what he’s thinking and what his next mood’s gonna be. You, you just like, he’s just like word vomit all the time. A covid narcissist has those same sort of, that same sort of dialogue going on, but it’s just going on in their head.
And then nobody can check them on it, help them with it. Until they become a, a victim of their own grandiose fantasies, then they can’t separate, you know, you know, the real from the [01:06:00] fake,
let me see. Frustration over our deal line’s. Expectations not matching up with real life.
Hmm. Let me see what kind of analogy
Mike, I was mentioning earlier. When you begin to try these different things to, to become unlike any sort of person you’ve been before, you’ve been somebody who’s been controlled and dominated by a narcissistic personality disorder. Now you don’t want to be, everything’s not gonna go your way, you know, just, just because you want it to.
You know, in, in my relationship when [01:07:00] my ex was trying to be vulnerable and open about something, sometimes I did not respond to him like he thought I should. Well, the thing to do is to talk about it, work through it, try again, you know, you know, he fell into a victim playing mode. And was like, and these would be things that we agreed to do in counseling made for him to share his feelings or whatever, you know.
So then we’d go back to counseling and then, and then here comes the victim playing. You know, his verbiage was always, y’all told me to do this being you Devana. And these counselors wanted me to try being vulnerable and show my feelings, and I knew this would happen. And, you know, Debbie Downer, negative Nick, you know, all of that.
But, you know, as I got ready to leave him, you know, he asked me to be patient with him, you know, with his double, you know, leading his double lives and sleeping, [01:08:00] you know, all in, you know, in town all over Baton Rouge and out, out of Baton Rouge. You know,
I couldn’t, I could not reconcile that sort of double standard, you know. So he would, he would come to counseling and he, he never changed from the y’all. This is why couples indicate couples counseling is contraindicated with somebody who has N P D because they’re gonna twist the whole scene around You know, he basically blamed the counselor and me for forcing this idea of trying to be open and vulnerable upon him.
You know, I told him, you’re grown. You sit here and agree to what you were going to do. You know, that’s what you can say is, we agree to this and it didn’t work. What’s another way we can do it? But instead, he stopped at poor me. Well, with me there anything that I can do with that. And look, when, when y’all get ready to leave these narcissists, these, these [01:09:00] high level narcissists suffering from narcissistic personality disorder, they will try to get you to stay in some kind of way.
Not because they actually like you, because they like how comfortable you’ve made life for them. You will not actually miss them, okay? You’re gonna miss the idealized goals you had for them and for you as a couple, okay? Everything with them is transactional and they don’t keep relationships. People with N P D will do not, will not keep relationships unless they can see what the gain is going to be.
I’m talking about some sort of long-term, you know, relationship. They’re all about, you know, quick shallow exchanges with people. They can do that all day. But but be patient with yourself. Try your best not to play the victim. You know, people are not actually as out to get you as you might think that [01:10:00] they are. That’s a part of the paranoia that was mentioned earlier. You know, taking a step back, taking a high level of view and checking your perspective is something that you know, your counselor again, God can help you with.
Make me seem. See the next one is a tendency to hold grudges.
Oh my God. As we ended, as I was ending this relationship, I could not tell exactly what, you know, my ex was so bitter and angry and mad about, I think it was just about everything, you know, when he would examine his past, didn’t have that much good to say about it, except for the better things. Presently when he was with me, had [01:11:00] nothing but complaints and then he wasn’t looking forward to getting older because he believed that once you turned 30, you have to stop having fun.
He didn’t know why he thinks that he just does. And at some point I asked him to just list whatever issues you have with me. Maybe the counselor asked us for that. You know, list whatever your bitter resentments are, you know, And I took this outside of counseling because he had so many, he had so many issues. We didn’t have enough time for them, for them all.
So on the first night that we tried to, to talk through his issues with me, I, I was thinking it was gonna be something that I was currently doing or hadn’t been doing, just wasn’t aware of. He pulled something out of the head from like, say a year and a half ago, you know, of the date. Whenever we had this conversation last fall, I couldn’t contain my anger because I was already on edge with him, you know, for, for doing all the things that he was doing.
And I’m like, why are you still in this [01:12:00] relationship and still taking trips with me and traveling and trying to do all the things that we were trying to do. And you still mad about something from like a year and a half ago that haven’t said anything? You know, we would go to counseling. The counselor would ask him, you know, Ethan, is there anything you would like to say?
He would sat there and not say anything. The first time we went to couples counseling, they said, tell us everything that anyone has ever done to ever hurt you. He said, I’m good. I don’t have any problems.
They don’t like to let the grudges go because if they were to do that, then they can’t reinforce the self, the self victimization thing. You have to have something to play the victim with. And so this whole forgiveness and letting go, like it’s likely that, you know, Ethan has tried to find some sort of way to, to present to whatever people he considers weak enough to be in regular communication with.
That somehow he was victimized through this. Like, I think he felt [01:13:00] like I was wrong for not staying to walk with him through this whole, you know, are you a narcissist? Are you a sex addict thing? You know, but I was unwilling to do that because I asked him years ago if he was a sex addict and he said no.
As I left him, he was on the fence about it. He said kind of maybe he only was talking about doing six of the 12 steps and sex addicts anonymous two months into it almost. He still didn’t have a sponsor. It only took me like two weeks to get a sponsor. You know, I could see that he wasn’t seriously committed.
He was going to the meetings, but he really wasn’t doing, the motivation wasn’t there. You see, so when you get ready to leave, they’re gonna start acting right. You know, Ethan went and ran out and got, you know, colorful clothes and things like that. You know, it’s things that I had been asking him [01:14:00] to do for the whole five years instead of wearing all those dark colors.
So they do listen, they’re intentionally not doing the things that you, they, they know you will like. You know, just to taunt you and hurt you. If you’re somebody listening at, at some of these symptoms and the way I’m describing my ex, and you know that you’ve done this in relationships, you might, you might be somebody living with covert sorry, living with N p d, whether you’re covert or overt, is, you know, something for, for you to decide and to go with your therapist.
How have you acted when somebody wanted to leave you? How did, how have you acted when you got close to somebody and your vulnerabilities were starting to, to show, are you able to handle yourself when you get angry? Can you go to people and tell them what’s going on? Or do you just come up with some other way to get even secretly?
You know, this isn’t [01:15:00] just like your nature who you are. It’s a, it’s a dysfunction and a, it’s a, it’s a disability, you know, prevailing within you
envy, you know, do you always compare yourself, you know, with people, feelings of inadequacy. When people with covert narcissism can’t measure up to these superhuman standards they set for themselves, they may feel inadequate in response to this failure.
These feelings of inadequacy can trigger shame, anger, a sense of powerlessness, and then there’s also. Something called a self-serving empathy. So contr popular belief, it is possible for people with n p D to at least show empathy, but they spend so much time trying to build up their self-esteem and establish their importance that this often gets in the way.
My ex was the most empathetic. If, if I did something [01:16:00] to hurt myself, like dealing with drugs or something like that, or to when I would cry over evangelist Nelson’s death like I did this one time, just like randomly out of nowhere. I really think during those times he was being genuine, but a lot of people would be genuine in the case of an emergency.
So I can’t really accord that too much to his personality, you know? So what this is saying is they’re not you, you’re not gonna be able to tell when it’s real and when it’s fake,
you know, which is, which is a hallmark of, of any type of narcissistic personality. Or you don’t know what’s real and what’s fake. They, they weave in and out of truth and lie so seamlessly. But, but what you don’t know is when you weave a web like that, when you weave a web like that, you’re going to get caught in it yourself, and you already are caught [01:17:00] in, and that’s why you’re not truly happy.
People with covert narcissism in particular may seem to have empathy for others. They might seem willing to help others or take on extra work. You might see them performing an act of kindness or compassion, such as giving money and food to someone sleeping on the street, offering their spare bedroom to a family member who was evicted.
But they generally do these things to win the approval of others. If they don’t receive praise or admiration for their sacrifice, they may feel bitter and resentful and make remarks about how people take advantage and don’t appreciate them.
Yeah, they, they do that. You know? Hmm, they do this. You know it, it’s okay if somebody thanks you, but we can’t go around doing stuff just for the approval of others. Because really what you’re [01:18:00] doing is giving humans control over you. You know, if you’re only doing something that hope, somebody’s going to notice it, not for the good that it’s doing, then why do it at all?
Then if you don’t get the praise that you want, then you’re sad. Back in my most insecure days when I actually finally had the body I wanted, You know, was having all the sex I could possibly get and made good money was when I was my most miserable, you know, I had unresolved issues from dealing with the church and, and this, this was all before, you know, I contracted, you know, the, you know, the H I V and the hepatitis B, this, this, this was, this was, I could literally be in a nightclub full of people or in a house party, and I would just be overcome with like, loneliness.
And I would feel like I was the only person there. So when I tell you, [01:19:00] you know, sitting in a, being alone in a room full of people is, it’s like worse than just being alone, being at home or wherever. So when I tell you, I know that having money and ability and having a whole lot of sex and things like that don’t solve happiness if, I mean it does, does not solve sadness and they don’t make you happy.
I know because I’ve lived that, if anything, doing all those things made it worse because it was like, like, you should be, but you’re not.
If in those days, if I went to the club and I was looking real cute as I always was, nobody complimented me. I felt like the whole night was wasted. Look at all the power I gave people over me. If I traveled somewhere, I didn’t find someone to sleep with, it felt like the whole trip was wasted. Why would I give that much credence to sex?
Sex is a part of life. It should not [01:20:00] have that much of a pedestal. Not all the positive, beautiful experiences. If I didn’t get sex, same thing I’d get back in my hometown. I felt like I was, like the whole thing was just wasted in like a, you know, I just missed the whole boat.
In relationships with narc, with people who are high level narcissists, they start off doing good things for you and then they trickle away and stop maybe all at once or over time. Ethan used to make, I think he like once made like a candle lit and dinner, you know, like that one time, you know, and I think I asked him about this later on, it came up in counseling and he said the reason he didn’t do it anymore is because he didn’t feel like I showed enough appreciation.
Well, he didn’t tell me that. He didn’t, he never told me what forms of appreciation he would prefer. And [01:21:00] he never was someone to say thank you, you know, thank you. And sorry, was something that I never got from him. But you know, if it’s something that he did, then. And I think that it was just a part of his being, you know, a high level narciss and controlling why it stopped.
I don’t think it was because due to a lack of gratitude, I’m a pretty thankful person. I think that was just a lie that he made up in the moment to try to make himself look good. So if you have done this to somebody, you know, you started doing something kind and you know it’s been a while and you don’t do that anymore, you know, if there’s no heart and soul in it, then you might be somebody suffering with N P D.
I like getting flowers. I ask Ethan and bringing me flowers like once a month or maybe twice a month, or whatever the case may be. He was like, I need you to remind me to do it so I [01:22:00] don’t forget. Eventually he did forget and he just stopped. But my thing is this, you know, when we put everything in our phones, we have all these reminders.
Why couldn’t he do that? Why? Because I wasn’t important to him. No, I wasn’t, you know, towards the end of the relationship, I asked him, you know, what do I mean to you? He started spouting out all the things I do for him. I gave him my own personal list access to which I’ve now revoked of the things, you know, the complaints and the things that were hurting me that we were taking to counseling and working through.
And I told him to. I told him to go through this list and to come up with something. Talk about, you know, I meant for me to help me. He went through that list and came up with things to try to defend himself and then justify himself. He was quiet and unassuming, but he, you know, was a very selfish person who could not get over himself.
Insecure, hates himself, [01:23:00] but also can’t get over himself. This is nothing that’s unique to him. People people who suffer from N P D are the same ways. It’s like you have yourself in this purgatory where you’re neither here nor there. You’re not going forward. You’re not going backward talking about internally you’re not hot, you’re not cold.
You know, you’re, you’re somewhere in the middle, and it’s not good to be in the middle. You need to be yes or no about, about, about a lot of things in this life because that, that, that gray area, the breeding ground for confusion and chaos, and I know if, if, if you’re somebody with N P D, you might like that gray area, but that gray area is hurting you.
That’s as much as you’re hurting other people. But if not worse,
I am thankful that I can talk about all of this that happened now and keep a calm demeanor. It doesn’t upset me anymore. You know, like I said, I’ve let it all go. [01:24:00] It is really, really hard though when you’ve been with somebody for like a, you know, almost five years, and you realize that they never really liked you anyway.
Not really, but that’s only because they don’t like themselves.
Feelings of emptiness and thoughts of suicide are also associated with covert narcissism.
I think that this is because the covert narcissism has more of a tendency and ability to get lost in their own thoughts. When somebody gets to a point where they’re willing to hurt themselves or the way they’re perceiving the world around them, their thoughts have gotten control of them. Negative thoughts have gotten control of them.
And unlike a co, an overt narcissist who’s out there, center of the crowd, center of attention, [01:25:00]everyone loves them. You know, a covert narcissist is going to cave into themselves more quickly than an overt narcissist will.
So none of this is worth dying over. None of this is worth being unhappy over, but you’re not gonna be able to become happy if you won’t let go of the things you, you people either did to you or you thought they did to you. You must forgive. You can’t be forgiven if you don’t forgive. And then you can’t be happy.
You know, if you insist upon carrying all that baggage around, sometimes I would look at my ex and he would look like a 70 year old man to me. Just,
I don’t know if this, this would be at times where I was actually looking at the true him and not any of the masks that he has. It was just like I don’t [01:26:00] know. Another spirit or something would, I would just look at him and I would just, I would, I could just, you know, his energy would just feel so haggard and run down.
Why? Because carrying all of this baggage around and not emptying it and look, calling your friend to vent, which is something that he likes it to do. I am not. A proponent of venting, unless there’s gonna be some sort of strategic plan to fix whatever it is you’re venting about. But just calling someone to dump your negativity upon them, you know, to make it rain upon them, it’s gonna make you feel better, only because you transferred your burden over to them.
You and your friend thinks that it’s showing you love by just listening to you and saying, yeah, I agree, or whatever. No, it’s not. It’s, it’s showing love when you challenge your friend. So somebody can call me to [01:27:00] vent, but we are gonna have to come up with some sort of strategy. Now, when somebody just died or something like that, that’s completely different.
There’s not much you can do to bring somebody back to life. But, you know, the, the things that people with n p d complain about are, are, are active issues or at least issues that they perceive them, which you have remedies for. Okay. So
I would, I, I would get on Ethan about this and I would warn him against the folley of just tossing negativity around without any sort of plan. He disagreed and I just, you know, I just kind of stayed out of it. You know, for, you know, as much as I, you don’t have the will control to, let’s say out of it, it just, it really, really bothers me to hear, you know, negativity repeated, repeated, repeated.
You know, I would, I would tell him, if you’re going to do, talk about, say our relationship problems, go to [01:28:00] your mother or somebody who’s qualified, talking to your friend is not going to help them help you, help us. You know? But sometimes we think we’re doing a loving thing and we’re not. It was not a loving thing, you know, really for me to stay with him as long as I did, I thought I was being merciful and not being judgmental and not being nitpicky by overlooking the times where I knew he was lying, you know, just hoping he would grow out of it or change.
I thought that that was being good. It wasn’t, that was me being naive. It felt like a loving thing to do, but it wasn’t, it wasn’t the right thing to do, you know? It just wasn’t So all of you like to vent and, and there was another person who I know and have a lot of respect for it. They surprised me when they said that they liked to when something bad happens, they like to [01:29:00] talk about it for like three days and then that’s it.
And I’m like, it’s an awfully long time to run around with something on your mind like that. And you’re not doing actually doing anything with it, and then you still have that same problem. So let’s be careful of how we cater the negative thoughts and the negativity, and let’s be, let’s be mindful of how we allow our friends and loved ones to come to us with their negativity.
You know? So
it’s another form of energy. Vampire and narc, people who are, who suffer from N P D are very much energy vampires, especially the covert ones. They don’t have a life force driving them, and so they need yours. This is another reason why they cannot exist in a vacuum. When you break up with an north, with somebody who suffered from N P D or they, they break up with you, it won’t be long before they got somebody else.
And it’s not even about that [01:30:00] person. Literally anyone will do as long as they, it helps them feel the validation that they need. And this is why after years of a relationship, Ethan did not tell me one nice thing about me, apart from value added to him. He did not view me as a beautiful being by myself, you know, com.
He never liked to compliment or do anything like that to me, or a stranger or anyone, but he asked for compliments in nice words, in return, you know? But when you go. You know, and, and vent to somebody, or you let them vent to you per, perhaps you’ve had this experience, somebody comes along and they vent to you all this negative stuff and you just feel burdened after it’s over.
Well, there was an exchange there. Everything we do that involves another person, there’s an energy transfer, be it sex, be it a conversation, and everything in between it, it doesn’t get no [01:31:00] deeper physically than sex and conversations about the most surface, you know, non deep thing that you could have with someone in terms of just the physical inter interaction involved.
But you cannot escape the exchange factor. Like just words can shift your whole day. You could have been in a totally good mood before this person came along to tell you their problems, and now you’re sad. You’re sad, and you don’t even know why, because they’re happy, because they just zapped you of your energy.
It seems like they just want to have an innocent conversation and tell you about some things that have upset them, but really what they’re calling to do is to get your, to get your energy from you. Now, I don’t know how much of this is conscience to people who have N P D, but I know that they have enough sense to know that when they call someone and tell them their problems, that they feel better.
I don’t know if they realize that in [01:32:00] order for that to happen, that they have to take. I don’t think they care because it’s not the way people like that work. So if you’re the type of person who likes to call around and you know, just kind of, you know, to do that, think about why, why, you know, we must move forward.
Like I said, if somebody upsets you at first is on them, if you wanna keep talking about it, then that, that’s just you, you know, after, after a while, especially, there’s nothing beneficial coming out of it. If I didn’t have this show, if, if I didn’t have my platform and, you know, and we used to reach people and talk to them, I would not still be talking about my ex.
But this is a part of my calling, which is to be super transparent and talk about things. Y’all know how I feel about transparency. It has power to heal people. And I go places and I talk to people all over the world and I tell them what happened to me. And [01:33:00] I see, I see a change from over people if you change him over people.
I do. I really, really, really, really do.
So now let me shift gears from describing those two types of narciss narcissistic personality disorder being overt and covert. And let’s talk about some of the things you can do. Hopefully you listen to this and you’re like, don’t see really much that you can identify with here, but if. You have, hopefully you can be honest enough with yourself, but just tell the truth at least to you, and then see what you can do to work on beginning affecting change in your life.
Now, in Raquel’s book, she was saying like the way back to reality for, for the one suffering in p d is to shift the loyalty from the realm of fantasy to the world everyone else shares.[01:34:00]
This is especially true for the covert narcissist because they do not go out and engage in the real world a lot.
Okay? But knowledge is not, isn’t going to come jump on you. You have to go out there and get it just like you got and get everything else you want. The, the fantasies, the, how can I describe this? So when, so someone who has N P D decides that it’s logical for them to go and cheat, and my ex isn’t the only one. Infidelity and N p D run in tandem, it seems like most people I’ve come across who have been stricken with this also got cheated on, is just the way it goes.
Because if, if you have N P D and you just see people as means to an [01:35:00] end and you don’t care about what you do, then you, you, you just gonna go out and do it all. So, so when, when people say justify cheating is because they have convinced themselves, they stepped into a fantasy, they’ll tell themselves, well, I take care of the wife and the kids.
It doesn’t matter that we took these violence before God, that I wasn’t going to do this. I now get to go and do this because I have decided that it’s totally okay.
And then they continue on in it. So, so a fantasy is different than just say, like, like, I used to get high and go and sleep with someone and then feel terrible about it. This is when, when my ex and I did not have an open relationship, I was acting out. A lot of resentment from him first doing something that I considered to be unfaithful, and I didn’t know how to handle it, but [01:36:00] I would come and tell him I wasn’t living in a fantasy.
I knew what I did was wrong, and I did not try to justify it. This is if you have the ability to live in a fantasy where this double life that you’re living, you’re seeing in this person, this other person more than once, you saw them once and it didn’t bother you. You have, you’re at a point where you come up with your own set of rules for the world that you live in.
Like my ex said, he doesn’t think people really want to know the truth. That is a fantasy that he lives in. We all know that is not reality, but that is his reality and that’s why lie is easy for him to tell. What else have I heard guys say? You know, they, they, they, they cheat on, there’s significant others. They’re like, there’s this other side of me I need to get out. I’m like, well, you could go and talk to the person about that. No, they don’t want to. Maybe it’s fear of rejection, judgment, but also [01:37:00] apart from people who have N P D getting lost in their fantasies, they love those fantasies.
I, in their own world, they don’t have a risk of rejection, of being hurt. They, they get to control everything and everyone. The problem is when they do step down here, up here into reality land, they feel like they could control everybody like they can in their fantasies and how no matter what it is that they’ve done it, it can be justified somehow, or it doesn’t have to be explained and it doesn’t matter.
But, but the lesson here is that the way back to reality for you is to come to terms with the fact that your fantasy is, that’s just that a fantasy. I read something somewhere where this one [01:38:00] person within PD was like playing, they like to like play a lot of video games and do the different things like that, and that the fantasy, the characters they created and everything, they, they carried that, that fantastical way of thinking away from those games.
And they pretty much, this person had no other relationships with anybody that didn’t revolve around video game. I wonder sometimes how stepping into all of these fantasy worlds, if it doesn’t change the way we react with people if we don’t have a strong sense of self.
I’m not saying every gamer is a high level narcissist, but. There might be some intersectionality there because, you know, you, you create these avatars, you create these characters. I mean, if you feel you’re happiest when you’re at that game console and you’re miserable any other time, [01:39:00] I could see that rewiring some, rewiring some things in a brain.
I’m saying all this to say, shifting your loyalty from your fantasy to come here into this world that you have determined is an unsafe place, is gonna be a process. There’s gonna be a process, but think about it if you can, how it’s unfair and how you’re hurting people who are a part of your fantasy and don’t know.
Now we gonna role play, let’s role play. I should be made. Wait aware of that. But you know, if you have n p d, you are the mastermind of this fantasy and you hurt other people because you’re hurting. But we have to get, we have to get you away from that. You have to get yourself away from that because that fantasy is not real.
And you, you wouldn’t want it to catch up with you one day, you know, and burst your bubble. How you’re gonna have to have help. You’re gonna need some [01:40:00] counseling, some spirituality. You need some God baby to break this, to break this strong hope that that fantasy that you have accepted and you’ve gotten more comfortable with a fantasy than reality, you’re in trouble.
You are in trouble, okay? When you, when you are that averse and divorced from reality, you are in trouble. It, it feels good, but you’re actually in trouble.
Think about that scene from Percy Jackson’s, Olympians and the Lightning Thief. I think it was the first part. When they go into the casino and those people are giving them those treats, and it puts them in like a, like a, like a fantasy or a high state of euphoria, it felt good, but they were really doing that to de to keep them distracted from finishing their task.
And then spiritually speaking, you know, with somebody with N P D is a highly distracted individual. You know, you’re not, you [01:41:00] weren’t put on this earth to just create torture for other people and to amass things for yourself, whatever those things may be. You know, the devil wishes to keep you distracted for as long as he can, because remember, he’s the first narcissist and he understands, you know, his narcissism because he tried to overthrow God, you know, literally cost him everything.
You know, you don’t, you don’t want to end up like that. But in order to to, to not end up like that, you’re going to have to start telling the truth.
Remember, you know, Lucifer is the father of lies is, and the truth is not in him. And so if you’re able to abide. And falsehoods that you are operating in the spirit of Satan, you know, or whatever. If you don’t agree that there is a devil, then you can call it negativity or whatever, you know, it’s just not a good energy.
It’s a very low vibration, you know, if any at all, I would dare say, [01:42:00] and it’s, and it, it is, it is literally killing you from the inside out. It is hurting you in ways that, you know, not draining your life force. That’s why my ex would look like a 70 year old man when I looked at him sometimes. Like he’s, he’s, he’s, he’s killing himself, you know, by going out there and doing the things that he’s doing.
Let’s see. People with narcissistic personalities order are often resistant to therapy. Cooperation doesn’t come naturally for narcissists, but it is something they must learn to do as they are, to have any hope of recovery. I was explaining this earlier about describing my experience with Ethan and therapy.
It’s something about people in PD that likes to bite the hands, that feed them, and to lash out at the people closest to them. Okay? I don’t understand why all of this is, it just is. For now until I can do more research,[01:43:00]
you, you might be resistant to therapy because you don’t want to be wrong, but the therapist is not there to judge you, and God is not there to judge you. They’re there to help you. Now if you’re just not vibing with them, then you can get you another one. But you shouldn’t be skipping to a different therapist every week.
That’s cuz they, they, they didn’t say something the exact way you wanted them to say it.
And a good therapist is gonna be prepared for your, for your narcissism to show up. You know, they’re gonna be expecting you to try to twist things around and to try to lie and manipulate and gaslight. And they’re gonna be prepared to not take it personally. They’re gonna be prepared for you to try to make the therapist the enemy and the villain.
And they’re not gonna take it personally. You know, they will be equipped for that.
Now this says cooperation doesn’t come [01:44:00] naturally for a narcissist,
but it’s something you must learn to do. They’re talking about true cooperation where you actually fully show up, not just giving a, the little part of you that you feel safe enough to do in order to get what you need from someone or to get by. It’s about true cooperation. Cause you’re not gonna be able to set in front of a therapist over before God and just tell, you know, and keep lying.
Like you’re going to have to turn at some point and start walking into the light and walking out of that darkness again. I know this is a heavy thing. You know, to ask of someone with N P D, but would you at least try,
I mentioned inpatient treatment.
Hmm. It’s, it’s not easy, you know, being in a mental, locked up in a mental health facility. I’ve been in several, but we, as some people, we just [01:45:00] will not slow down, tend to their mental health state unless they’re admitted somewhere. But the one I came across today, which I didn’t bother the list here because I couldn’t, I believe that price, it was astronomical.
Astronomical. But I thought that the concept and the idea was fun, it was fine, was, was, was, was beneficial. And I was saying on a different, on, on, I think the, the bonus show that I just released, that I, I was thinking like, why do we have, you know, people who say like, I dunno, commit murders or crimes and steal things from people you know, who go to jail.
But people in p d you know, are not, like, nothing happens to them for the things that they do to people, you know? And I said, I don’t think that, I don’t know if they should go to jail. I’m like, something needs to happen because, because, because the terror is just too great. And I think, you know, an inpatient treatment is something for, for you [01:46:00] to consider.
I’m, am I comparing a person with N P D to a murderer? Yep. Because you literally killed the person that you’re with sometimes physically, but definitely mentally and emotionally. You know, I think about the, the poor woman I heard about who got shot show shot to death at point blank range during Thanksgiving dinner by her narcissistic husband, though not only did she have to live a life of torture with him, but she had to die that way too in his hands.
You know, not suggesting everyone with N P D is gonna go and commit murder, but I am saying that I don’t really any know a physical death, a mental death, an emotional death, all, all stop the person from existing, in effect. Are you going to a bank and robbing people’s money, which is insured by the F D I C?
No. But you are robbing people of their energy, [01:47:00] you know, and their life force or their identity. You know, I had to myself and many people I’ve talked to, have had to remember is who the fuck we are, you know, after these relationships have ended, can’t tell you when we lost ourselves along the way, you know?
Tell y’all, look at the 10 commandments different now. You know, thou shall not steal, thou shall not kill. Well, they already said not to commit adultery in there. That’s another one. People with narcissistic personalities sort just threw that out the window. Thou shall not lie, you know it’s just so baffling to me cuz people who I know are narcissists go set up in church all the time.
They go and then they go out and do all of these things. Like maybe some part of, maybe some part of you knows you not, right? And I, I don’t know. But one thing that they used to say in church that I [01:48:00] actually agree with, I used to say being a church doesn’t make you a Christian, you know, or saved or anything like that.
No more than standing in a driveway makes you a car. You know, I don’t understand how somebody could be before the Lord for as many years as some of these people have and still go out and cheat and lie. Just people, my family who do this, and I’m, and they have therapists, and I’m like, Hmm. So I’m saying, oh, this the same.
If you’re gonna bother with any of these things, don’t fake it. Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t go to a therapist unless you’re really ready to try and, and able to take the disappointments or at least try to talk through them. The cover Narcissist, please stop getting lost in your own thoughts. You know, invite other people in, especially people who have demonstrated that, that they care for you in all kinds of ways.
They’re not perfect, neither are you. So come let us reason together. You know, as the Lord was telling us [01:49:00] earlier in this message, let us reason, let us talk it out. You know, even God is willing to sit through and have a conversation to see what we can do to get this thing right. You are not above God, the spirit of, of the devil abiding, and you have you thinking that you are, but this is not about your conscious thinking, thinking you’re above God.
It’s the fact that you won’t humble yourself down own, okay? You know, in order to be kind to God’s children, that the people of this earth and to find out why you are here, you’re not gonna be able to discover your true purpose, harboring resentment and unforgiveness and abiding, and a narc in a, in a highly narcissistic attitude and spirit.
Those two things work against each other. Truth is the spirit lies is a death. Like you can’t, you can’t serve two masters at one time, Mrs. Jesus was saying, you can’t serve God in mayman God, in the devil. You can’t serve light and dark when you, when [01:50:00] you are overthrown with impeded n p d, you yet walk in darkness.
You do because you, you have, you have too much unresolved. Within you, you have too much un resolution, if that’s a word. If not, it just became one. So you see what you gotta do is go back and clear up the problems and then you can see your way forward. And then it may feel weird once you do begin to have clarity and you begin to feel happy cuz your brain has gotten wired and your emotions have gotten wired to misery.
So, and yes, I’ve seen narcissistic people laugh at the way that they toy with people and make them miserable. I’ve seen this and this, this is not all big things. It’ll be like sly little comments that people in p d will say just to get under your skin. And they, they get off on the torture. That’s because they are [01:51:00] tortured.
So if you have N P D and you begin to revert back to those old ways, just make space for it and then try to move forward. Cuz you’ve been in dark so long, your eyes are gonna have to adjust to any kind of light. It will be weird, it will be unusual. But don’t be fearful. You know, God has not given you a spirit of fear that came from the devil.
What God gave you was a spirit of power and of loving of a sound mind. And if you have n p d, you do not have a sound mind. You do not have sound emotions. You don’t, not because you’re imperfect, but because you are unwilling to. Embrace your imperfections and work on them and truly let work on letting them go and letting, granting forgiveness to the people, letting go, letting go of it all.
What you’ve done and what other people have done
in patient treatment [01:52:00] can be good because when you’re there, they could work on a lot of your other issues too. Being we get the, the obsessive compulsive disorder, the depression, and all of those different things and it’ll, it’ll force you to stop. I see, I see people, you know, with such bad nerves that they can’t set and be still in a room.
They’ve always gotta go find someone or something to do, and they don’t realize that all that activity is a healing thing. Inpatient treatment can like force you to do that. I don’t know how long they are or if, like financially or what sort of life you have, you can, but heck, I don’t know, man. Maybe try for a few days.
I know, can you turn your phone off at your own place of residence and can you truly unplug from all people and all the electronics and just take your own mental health break and not be around anybody? You wouldn’t have the [01:53:00] benefit of doctors there, but there’s a, you know, God moves in stillness, the still small voice.
Let’s see. There’s this thing called psychodynamic therapy. I’m gonna just read you this definition. I just learned about this today as I was getting my notes together for this, and it says, in psychodynamic therapy sessions, patients with N P D will plumb the depth of their past experiences to evaluate the effects of problematic relationships on their lives, and to examine unconscious assumptions about themselves and others that support narcissistic attitudes.
This I love. Raquel mentioned this in her book too, is not her definition. This came from elsewhere because what this is getting into is even for the person suffering from N P D, it’s beginning to understand why you feel, what you feel, and why you think what you think, [01:54:00] and why you do the things you do.
Even if the explanation is fucked up and you’re like, okay, I taunted that person because I love to see them get tortured because I’m unhappy and this is what I like to do to people. Okay? If that is your reality and that is where we gotta start, then that’s where we have to start, because it is what it is, and at least it’s the truth.
Finally, and, and what did Jesus say? You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free. Not all truth is gonna be pleasant, but it is. The pathway to freedom lies is gonna keep you in bondage until you live out your days. You know? And then, and then you don’t, you just don’t wanna depart this plane of existence, you know, as, as a, as, as a liar.
You just don’t, as somebody who hurts people like this, don’t, just don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t, [01:55:00]don’t.
Now, I don’t know who has psychodynamic therapy available, but this is your path. If you feel like this is something that you have a problem with and that you wanna overcome. I tried to look it up. I couldn’t really find anything. It seems like it might be relatively new-ish, but I would ask around, if you really, really want it, you know, this healing, you’re gonna have to go and get it.
Those of us who have experienced dealing with Npds know the one, one of the main things we are not supposed to do is to do everything for you. That was another thing that I thought I was doing that was being loving. And I, I really gave my ex way too much. I was too kind to him. And it seemed innocent, but it actually wasn’t good.
Parents can, can have a part to play in their kids becoming [01:56:00] narcissist, high level narcissist if they do too much for them. Raquel covers this in her book. You know, things that seem innocent, like letting your friend vent to you, showering kids with guests, spoiling that partner. Mm-hmm. We need to evaluate, you know, maybe, maybe not, it just depends on the person, but I was so excited about this psychodynamic therapy.
It, it almost, it kind of like has references to maybe some neurolinguistics sort of work here because, because it’s trying to, to, to locate patterns and undo them. I don’t know that this is really like a super ongoing sort of thing. What I came across made it seem like it’s done in sets or like with a finite amount of sessions.[01:57:00]
But in order to do this, you know, if you have N P D, you’re going to have to probably write out what your narcissistic attitudes are and then work in reverse. You know, that’s how I would guide it. You know, what are you doing? You know, what do people seem to complain about? Or cuz you might not, ex may not know what you’re doing and like consciously that it falls under this.
But anyway, psychodynamic therapy, it sounds incredible. I encourage you to research it. Because again, you know, your loved one should not be doing this for you. Now, if you have some sort of physical disability or some sort of other disability, it prevents you from being able to do research. That’s one thing.
But with, but with, you know, most N P D people, just like you, go out there and get everything else you want in life from that, that you feel like is gonna bring you pleasure. This must be something that you decide to do, [01:58:00] you know, for yourself. Cognitive behavioral therapy is one that a lot of people have heard of.
It reads through multiple sessions of C B T Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Sufferers can learn to replace grandiose and distorted thoughts with more positive and realistic ideas and self-assessments. This sounds like, you know, your regular talk therapy on steroids, they know giving you like actual, you know, tangible things you can do, but still recognizing what it is that makes you have a narcissistic personality disorder.
And coming to terms with that and being okay with that, not judging yourself forward. Look, you who, you know, who have N P D have have heard a lot of people, okay? Some of them you can go apologize and make it right. Some of them you can’t. But nevertheless, you’re going to have to [01:59:00] forgive yourself for whatever it is that you’ve done.
Now you, it’s gonna be difficult for you to do that if you’re still doing those sort of things. So I don’t, in my opinion, you can’t start true healing until you identify why you have been the way you’ve been and get it identified at least and under some level of control. Because if you can’t forgive yourself for having a double life, if you still have a double life, even if it was a different person, you’re still about a double life.
You cannot forgive yourself for lying if you know you lie. You know, you lie to people every day, you know? Cause you’re still doing it. So it’s gonna take some time to really get to that point. But once you do it is crucial that, that you do. Let, let that, you know, let yourself just be, be okay with your humanity and the [02:00:00] things that you’ve done to people.
Because now you don’t do those things anymore. You’ve worked on it. You’re starting to do them less. You know, you’re headed in the right direction. You know, forgiveness is for everyone all around, period.
God granted me the grace to stop, like blaming myself for the way everything went with me and Ethan, and blame myself for him going out and doing the things he did and blame myself for his habits or his lying, or for shoving off the help I tried to give him. I was kicking myself in the ass for being stupid enough to stay with him as long as I did.
Cause I’m smarter than that. I saw what he, what he was doing and I stayed. Anyway. I don’t know if I was, I don’t think I was co-dependent. It just wasn’t irrational. It did, I hadn’t, I hadn’t been through quite enough yet to leave, but I didn’t know how much I was damaging myself, cuz this is the first relationship I’ve really had and [02:01:00] certainly one that was really this long.
And so the Lord told me, just in my spirit, you know, this understanding came upon me while I was here in Port Valer to that the only thing that would be a shame or that’s shameful in this whole situation in terms of, you know, my five year relationship, is that if I would close my mouth and not tell the lessons that I’ve learned, the only thing that would be a shame is for all of this experience and knowledge to be wasted.
If I tried to go and have a successful quiet life and didn’t say anything to help anyone else, it, it, it, it, it is baffling me to this day. You know, here I am at the age of 40 and I’m not saying I learned it late. I believe everybody learns everything when they’re supposed to. But damn man, like for this to be such a big part of society, I don’t know if God just kept my ears shielded from it so he could put me through this specific experience with Ethan so that I can grow through this experience.[02:02:00]
But this needs to be talked about so much more. When I look up, you know, books on Amazon about narcissism, at least at first go, right, fine. A lot, you know, all the, the, the relationship stuff they talked to us about in church. And in school. Na, narcissism didn’t come up. You know where, you know, where, where was the education on narcissistic personality disorder?
Where was it?
is the last thing. It says. Medication from research tends to be. This is from Raquel’s book. She’s saying, medication for my research tends to be reserved to treat these symptoms of the person suffering from N P D. So they might medicate you [02:03:00] to help with the depression. The O c D, the pathological lying, I wish shock have to find out.
There’s actually medicine to help people with if they lie a lot. Hmm. Paranoia, angry outbursts. So if they can medically treat a pathological liar, that means that there’s some sort of chemical process that happens within people. That makes them derive like a sense of pleasure or something from the lying or something like that because you’re using medicine to change somebody’s chemical makeup, you know, especially when it comes to mental health things.
you know, lying is something that I’m very like, unfamiliar with. You know, most people tell me, I, I, I, I say too much and just put myself out there too much. And so trying to, trying to understand, you know, people who, [02:04:00] who lie more than tell the truth has been a real challenge, but is the one that I’m up for, cuz not everything’s about me, not everything’s about my perspective and about my point of view.
And so there’s a, there’s also a website that I’m gonna put in the show notes and it’s, it’s, it’s just a website that has like about 33 different healing verses. These things were usually meant and directed towards physical healing. But if you are suffering from narcissistic personality disorder, then you, you really need a healing.
Like, like, like you, you need God to come down here and work on you. You know, I. Going over these scriptures from time to time on a daily basis can help to
put inside you the belief that change is possible. You know, from a spiritual perspective, if you’re, you’re not a spiritual [02:05:00] person and maybe you can breathe them for the positive vibrations and the attitude. If you so desire. When people get sick, when they have physical sicknesses, they will turn to these scriptures and use it to come combat the thoughts that they’re gonna die or that the sickness has to stay.
Because everything we come across in life imprints upon us. We, we are impacted by, by it all. And this is why when we’re abusive relationships with people, we don’t realize what, how, how much that it’s hurting us until it’s piled up because it was subtle. The same thing goes if you are doing positive reinforcement for yourself through positive quotes, positive scriptures.
This, this one I like because it’s specific to healing.
[02:06:00] For instance, it says like from from Proverbs, that pleasant words are as a honeycomb sweet to the soul, and health to the bones
and from John. And a great multitude followed him because they saw his miracles, which he did on them that were diseased. Once you understand that you are suffering from narcissistic personality disorder, this means that you are a sick person who needs to be made well. I will drop this link in there so that you can perhaps reference it or whatever it is that you feel like might work for you.
Well, reach out to me if you have any questions, comments, or concerns. This heavy subject matter, this is a very, very heavy subject matter, but I have come to terms with the fact that this is real and that there are a lot of people in the world like this. And now that I’m over the shock of discovery, [02:07:00] I am happy to do whatever I can to help evenly high level narcissists who are suffered from N P D, who are out there hurting people.
Evangelist Nelson would’ve, you know, you know, would want me to do this. She does want me to do this. God certainly wants me to do this. I’m not angry anymore. I’m not. I’m not. I just, I just have to I just have to learn more about this. This is a, such a vast field of study once you, once you get into it, but mercy, this is about mercy.
This is about meeting people where they are, even if it’s somebody who is a high level of narcissist, who doesn’t care how they destroy people.
This is as far as I’ve come [02:08:00] in terms of being able to pray for people in p d and to speak mercy over them, and, and they’re really, really ping them. I feel so sorry for people who live like this. I feel so sorry for people who live this way.
So I’m gonna keep doing my research and if there’s anything else I can come up with to help people who have N P D, then I will. And And just remember since know, you know, healing, all healing comes from God. That’s my viewpoint. And he says that, and God says that He will crown our efforts with success, not our perfection, not our belief in our perfection. He didn’t say he’d help us because we were popular. He said, because in our weakness, his strength is made perfect.
You’re suffering from N p d. You have weakness inside of you. [02:09:00] This is the perfect breeding ground for God to come and heal you, and to wrap you in his big, old, loving arms and to embrace you. I need you to believe that you are love and that you are lovable. Yes, the very hairs of your head are numbered, and God considers you to be the very apple of his eye, and you are a, a, a special person to God, and God is willing to help you and to work with you.
If you don’t wanna believe in God, then the therapist can be your champion too. But you’re gonna need help. So please seek it. Please stop hurting people. Please stop hurting yourself.
And again, you don’t have to get it all right the first time. Give yourself patience. Eventually learn to forgive yourself. You know, God said you were, crown your efforts with success. Make the effort no matter how little, how minuscule, how seemingly [02:10:00] insignificant. If it’s only picking up the phone to call somebody like a therapist.
If it’s just researching what getting treatment for this would look like, or researching the symptoms, again, you know, that’s effort. It counts. Whether it’s saying a little two second prayer, you know, confessing to God that what you think is going on with you, it matters. Anything you can do is not too small.
So just try. Just try, try and if you do, the change is gonna come because I have prayed for you and God listens to my prayers.
Now remember, everything is gonna be all right.[02:11:00]
I want you to remember,
especially my babies out there with N P D, that everything is gonna be all right.