Episode #29: Money Management, the Beauty of Being The Black Sheep and Embracing Transgender Siblings with Jacqueline Schadeck CFP™, AWMA, Author

INTRODUCTION:

Jacqueline Schadeck is a CERTFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ professional who partners with individuals and families to help them gain financial clarity. She believes that people need comprehensive financial guidance in order to make the best decisions, and she has a passion for helping clients achieve financial success.

Jacqueline has been asked to contribute to numerous media outlets, including CNBC, MarketWatch, Atlanta Business Chronicle and many more. Any given week, you might find her leading financial education presentations to a local AARP chapter or explaining the tax code at a public library education session. She was even honored with the 2017 Impact Award by the Financial Planning Association of Georgia for her dedication to her industry.

In keeping with her desire to help people, Jacqueline finds it important to give back to her community by volunteering for various organizations including her church, several non-profits and her college alma mater. She is also a past board member for the Financial Planning Association of Georgia. 

 

INCLUDED IN THIS EPISODE (But not limited to):

·      Financial truths from a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™

·      How $1.4 million can do down the drain

·      Family real estate wars

·      Emotional implications with money management 

·      Being the black sheep in an interracial family

·      Embracing a transgender sibling 

·      Overcoming abusive voices and relationships

·      A discussion of money in a new way:

o  Physical wealth

o  Financial wealth

o  Social wealth

o  Time wealth

·      What to do before you quit your job!!!

 
CONNECT WITH JACQUELINE:

 

Website: https://www.jacquelineplans.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jacqueline.schadeck.7

LinkedIn: https://bit.ly/3muaCsf

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jacquelineplans/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Jacquelineplans

Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@jacquelineplans

 

JACQUELINE’S RECOMMENDATIONS:

 

·      UBER CAR ASSISTANCE : https://ubr.to/3m9gua2

·      LYFT CAR ASSISTANCE: https://www.lyft.com/expressdrive

 

CONNECT WITH DE’VANNON:

 

Website: https://www.SexDrugsAndJesus.com

YouTube: https://bit.ly/3daTqCM

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SexDrugsAndJesus/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexdrugsandjesuspodcast/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TabooTopix

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/devannon

Email: DeVannon@SexDrugsAndJesus.com

 
DE’VANNON’S RECOMMENDATIONS:

·      Pray Away Documentary (NETFLIX)

https://www.netflix.com/title/81040370

TRAILER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk_CqGVfxEs

 

INTERESTED IN PODCASTING OR BEING A GUEST?:

·      PodMatch is awesome! This application streamlines the process of finding guests for your show and also helps you find shows to be a guest on. The PodMatch Community is a part of this and that is where you can ask questions and get help from an entire network of people so that you save both money and time on your podcasting journey.

https://podmatch.com/signup/devannon

 

TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00]

You’re listening to the sex drugs and Jesus podcast, where we discuss whatever the fuck we want to! And yes, we can put sex and drugs and Jesus all in the same bed and still be all right. At the end of the day, my name isDe’Vannon and I’ll be interviewing guests from every corner of this world. As we dig into topics that are too risqué for the morning show, as we strive to help you understand what’s really going on in your life!

There is nothing on the table and we’ve got a lot to talk about. So let’s dive right into this episode.

De’Vannon: Who knew that Uber and Lyft had car assistance programs y’all that will help you obtain a vehicle in order to use, to go to work for them and make money, even though you don’t own your own car, useful information. Like that is what my guests this week brings to the table.

Her name was Jacqueline Shadeck , and she is a certified financial planner based out of Atlanta, Georgia. Now in this episode this week, we are going to be talking about money from a different [00:01:00] perspective. Jacqueline has done to tell us about how emotions are tied in the money. We were going to get deep with her.

She gets personal about embracing a transgender sibling. She’s going to help us understand how to overcome those abusive voices from those bullshit ass relationships we’ve had in the past. What’s very important right now is what you need to do before you quit your job. Because since this pandemic has started, a lot of us are not going back to those horrible jobs we had before, but we need to have a plan before we make our exit.

I hope you enjoy this week’s episode.

Hey, Jacquelline baby. I’m so glad to have you on this sex, drugs and Jesus. The podcast today. How you doing? 

Jacqueline: Hey, I’m so excited to be here. This is so different for me. It’s definitely out of my realm . So I’m really excited for us to talk about some things that are a little bit risque for a financial advice.

De’Vannon: Hm. Yeah. Cause y’all all are really built as being super conservative and everything like that, which [00:02:00] I am not. The arm. So honey, you know, your brand is your brand, but you’re free to say all the words that you can say on other people’s podcasts. And you know, you do, you, I’m probably going to cuss at many points.

Cause that’s how I am. It’s my truth. And so it would be a bold face lie a bolded faced lie for me to act like that. I don’t read a bitch for filth from time to time when they need it . And so the you’re a certified financial planner and. Just tell, tell, tell us why you do what you do. Yeah. 

Jacqueline: Okay, let me give you the long story short. So a certified financial planner. So for those of you who don’t know what a certified financial planner is, a person who helps you with almost all aspects of your finance. Right? So at the core, what I do is I help you with your investments. So think about your 401k, your IRA.

Now we’re moving into crypto. So [00:03:00] how do you set up properly? To manage all that. What’s all the good stuff that should be in that. Okay. what I do as a certified financial planner. Now, the reason why I am a certified financial planner, actually it was a trauma response. So my mom lost $1.4 million due to poor financial.

De’Vannon: Oh, geez. 

Jacqueline: Yeah. So see lost all that money. And I was like, okay, I really don’t understand this because I wrote super, super poor. I grew up a different kind of poor though. So we had a thousand acre ranch. And so we were land rich, but we didn’t have any money. My mom was a single mom. She worked like two, three jobs trying to take care of us and.

The property had been passed down for generations. So my grandfather and his sister owned the property. Well, she wanted to sell it. And so she sold the property. My grandfather tried to contest it and he died in the process. So the property was sold. My mom inherited her $1.4 [00:04:00] million. So automatically our life went from me having one pair of shoes as a child to.

Oh, my gosh, we’re going to Disneyland. I never thought that would happen. Oh, I got a coach bag and shoes. I never thought that would happen to, we lost all that money in four years. Okay. Now what? So I said, mom, I don’t understand why we went from nothing to something, to nothing financially. And she was like, yeah, I dunno something about the economy and a stock.

And I was like, yeah, that’s not good enough for me. I need to, I need to be the person who knows the answer to this because that’s not.

De’Vannon: But damn, it sounds like she might’ve a throw half the land, you know? 

Jacqueline: It was really, it was a very messed up situation of is my grandfather and his sister owned the property. So my mom and my aunt had zero say in what happened. So when they decided, when my aunt who it was funny, cause like, [00:05:00] you know, you have these like typical family stories, right. They kind of follow this storyline.

So in this family is the brother and sister and the sister leaves the like farm that everybody grew up on and she goes to live in the city and she becomes this big time attorney and all of this. Right. And the brother stays there and my grandfather was a NASCAR mechanic, so he used to have like a car shop and all of this.

Typical kind of like country storyline. And so she goes to the city and becomes as big attorney and it’s like, oh, I have this huge asset that I own. And I don’t use, I’m going to sell. It doesn’t matter that her, the whole other part of her family all lives on this property, there was like 10 of us that were still living on this property.

She’s like, yeah, no, I’m going to sell it. Now. She sold it at the perfect time. If you guys are familiar with 2006, 2007, you know, she sold it at the perfect time.

De’Vannon: Okay. So do you still have that coach [00:06:00] bag? That first one that you got.

Jacqueline: So this is going to be like another trauma response. But I went to go see my mom a few months ago and she lives out in arena now because we all moved out to Georgia and then she moved back and she was like, I have to be on the west coast. So my mom still has that bag. I don’t have that. Because for me, it’s too emotional.

And so the next thing that people ask is they ask like, okay, does your mom ever like recover from that financially and her by herself? She hasn’t recovered from that. That’s why she still has that. So for me, it’s like a, it’s like a much bigger, deeper thing than just what you see on the surface. So for me, that coach bag represents like a lot of loss and a lot of pain.

And like all of the things we were going through at that time, the confusion, the hurt, because I know a lot of times we want to think that like, money is money and. Like our emotions are detached from it. And it’s a [00:07:00] quantitative, you know, response, but it’s not, there’s always a quantitative answer. That’s correct to a financial problem.

And there’s always an emotional response. That is correct. Right. So when I’m helping clients make decisions financially, I can’t just say, oh, this number makes sense. You need to do this financially because I know there’s also an emotional response and people react and they need certain different things.

Financially that fulfill them emotionally. So it’s a little bit more complicated than just a number, but that’s part of why I don’t feel have that coach back.

De’Vannon: Oh, that’s a cool answer response because I’ve never heard of financial planner, anybody in the financial sphere tie emotion to money because. Everywhere. I go, people saying, you know, if it’s going to be numbers and it’s a hundred percent objective, there is no subjectivity to it. You know, it’s a finite game that have anything to do with feelings. Like you’re saying the taste at all. [00:08:00]And I agree with you. So I agree with you.

Jacqueline: Yeah, you, yeah, you see, but it’s so it is right. So if I tell you that you need to save $835 a month to get to retirement, like that is what it is. But I also understand that you have this traumatic experience with investing. So you’re scared to put in that much money every month. Right? So we may have to work you up to getting the pudding $800 in a month.

You may have to start at 300 because you got to see if it really works. Right. So I can understand that, but you’re right. Like the numbers are the. But if you’re not comfortable with that, I’m not going to say, well, I can’t work with you because you’re not willing to do that. Like I know that there’s an emotional response to everything.

De’Vannon: And now 800 or 300 a month is an emotional response. If you go have to make some changes to do that. 

Jacqueline: Little tweaks.

De’Vannon: Definitely little tweaks. True. But I think that I would, to me, that would be the biggest emotional change for me is whatever it is that I might have to tweak, because that made them have to change to something that I like, or probably let [00:09:00] something go. Like I might go able to get my nails did once a month, instead of twice, how am I going to make it y’all so, so, we’re talking about your history here and I’m hearing all about mom and I’m not hearing anything about dad. What’s going on there. 

Jacqueline: Ain’t no baby daddy over here. Yeah, like I just, I don’t know. My dad, so I am biracial, so my mom is white and my dad is black and Puerto Rican, but I don’t know him at all. I don’t know his name, never seen him. And so my mom has five children now. And so I grew up around my brother’s dad and everybody in my family is like blonde hair, blue eyes, except for me.

De’Vannon: How does that make you feel? 

Jacqueline: It’s always been a black sheep situation. So it was really interesting and this is not to downplay anybody else’s story, but it’s just to share mine. And during 2020 black people were exhausted, we were emotionally [00:10:00] tapped out during 2020. You agree?

De’Vannon: Well, I’m going to say most of the world was emotionally tapped out during pony. 

Jacqueline: Right?

De’Vannon: Me myself personally breathe a huge sigh of relief, but, but this, we are talking to most people. Yeah. I agree with you on that. And we can talk, we’ll talk about later on why I felt great in 2020. 

Jacqueline: Okay. Well, for me, I am the. I am the black spokesperson for all of America, with my family. So anytime something racial comes up in the media, it’s me that needs to respond for all black people in America . So in my case, I was sharing with people on the internet that my, like, do you remember that post that was going around?

I was like black people who are strong. [00:11:00] We don’t tear each other down. Do you remember that post.

De’Vannon: There was So much blackness going. Like I could, I could see that work in there too.

Jacqueline: So that post was going around and like a bunch of people kept tagging me. So I’m like, all right, fine. I’m going to do it once. I it on up. And I put up first sharing my story of how people think that being mixed. You don’t have any racial issues because white people are like, Oh, well, you’re not black, black and black people are like, well, you’re not black, black, so you don’t fit in here.

it’s like, people think that you don’t have any issues. And I’m like, no, my issues are worse because nobody really connects with you. to your point of like, how does that make me feel in my family? Nobody really connects with me like, Always inherently been very different from them. I’ve always thought very different.

I’ve always talked different and I’ve of course always looked different. they never really felt connected with me. and it was just. Nobody knew. Allegedly, my dad is a stripper, so nobody knew I was going to [00:12:00] look like a little Puerto Rican baby when I came out. So the family is there and they’re like, wait that y’all got the babies mixed up.

Like that’s not, that’s not the right one that doesn’t look like the other ones. So my, my older brother has red hair and freckles. So they’re like, that’s not. What is that? So they didn’t even really accept me. At first. It took a long time. My grandmother grandmother’s old school from Louisiana and it took her a long time to even accept.

Because everybody was just very confused. They were like, where did this thing come from? So no, never been super connected with them. And then now they’re fighting their own battles. Like my older brother is now a transgender, so he used to be my older brother now he’s my older sister. So it’s like, there’s a lot going, it’s a lot going on.

Everybody’s doing their own thing. Right. So.

De’Vannon: I say, God damn. I think that you’re in a great position. I love being black sheepy. [00:13:00] You know, it really, really makes you be like a leader and to be strong. And it helps you to be very refined. Sometimes being coddled and accepted everywhere you go is the worst thing that can happen to you because it’s supervise your personal growth. Nothing like getting thrown out Latin and thrown out a bars church. I just got to get kicked the fuck out of somewhere. And so now what I’m hearing you saying is the white people don’t want you to black people don’t want you to say you got to do it. If you don’t do it, it won’t get done. And that’s perfect pressure to refine yo ass that I am glad.

And no wonder why you doing the damn thing like you are now, you either wasn’t going to be triumphant or not. There is no in-between. 

Jacqueline: Mm.

De’Vannon: And that’s the right perspective to have. So you’re not whining about, they don’t like me. No one likes me, no pity party. You like, what can I do? And then you said, I’m going to become a financial expert because this is my pain. I’m going to turn this [00:14:00] into something. 

Jacqueline: Exactly. 

De’Vannon: Now I’m here for the 

Jacqueline: Yeah. 

De’Vannon: to. And for your new sister, how do you feel about having a new sister? 

Jacqueline: Okay, let me explain to you like how honestly confusing it is. I’m going to be fully transparent. Let me be honest with how confusing it. So I have four siblings now. My youngest sibling is a nine-year-old sister and she came to spend the summer with me. So she was here for this summer. I had some friends over, so friends just making conversation with a nine-year-old.

She was like, Hey, so how many siblings do you guys have? It’s just the two of you sisters. So my sister said. Well and she like looks at me to like, finish the question. just like, well I guess kind of, so then I’ve got to step in and be like, well, we had an older brother who, you know, about three, four years ago decided he was going to transition.

So now his name is Gwen. He’s no longer Mac. So everyone is trying to process. [00:15:00] Okay. How do we deal with this? Because now, like you want to re refer to a sheet. That’s fine, but we don’t understand how to process our old emotions. Like, we don’t know how to process our old stories with you. Like we had, you know, like twenty-five years of stories with you being our older brother.

Being maxed. So like, how do we still get to talk about those memories for those twenty-five years and look at those baby pictures for those 25 years, but still be respectful of the place that you’re in now and how you want to be addressed. So like, how do we balance that? So even it’s apparent with my nine-year-old sister that she’s like, okay, I want to be respectful, but I still don’t know how to process this.

I still don’t know how to answer that question. I’m like, how many sisters do I have? Because my birth, you only have one other sister, but now you have another one. So it’s been a lot for us to try to figure out how to process that. And somebody who hasn’t fully processed it for themselves and they can’t help you [00:16:00] comprehend the situation.

It doesn’t make it any easier.

De’Vannon: Have you asked her how she would prefer you to look at the old life versus the new life?

Jacqueline: Yeah. And so who my sister, I think still hasn’t figured it out for her. So she hasn’t figured it out for herself. Yeah. She hasn’t figured it out for herself. She’s not going to be able to articulate it to anybody else. So this is why like part of when I’m working with somebody on a financial advisory side, and they’re confused about what their financial goals are and what they want and how to do this.

And they don’t know how to articulate anything. You need to go spend time by yourself. Even if you’re married, you need to spend time by yourself getting to know yourself so that when people ask you these questions, you know what your response should be because you know what you want, not what society wants for you now, what’s your family wants for you now, what your spouse wants for you, but what you genuinely want for yourself, because otherwise you’re not going to be fulfilled.

You’re going to fall off in your journey to wherever you’re trying to go, because you don’t know where you’re trying to go. So I think that in here, [00:17:00] She doesn’t know exactly what’s going on, if you’re having a hard time processing it. And so, because you haven’t fully processed it, you can’t explain it to us.

So we were just kind of sitting here like, well, we want to be respectful, but we don’t really know.

De’Vannon: I never had to sell exchange before, but I do understand what it’s like to have a whole old life is not going to work anymore. And you have to have another woman. Cause you know.

whenever I was homeless before and everything like that. So if somebody were to ask me and look at pictures from the back, if there are any left, I’m sure they are when I was like 127 pounds or whatever, when I was a drug dealer, you know, and Houston, Texas, you know, I went to say that old De’Vannon it’s just no more.

You know, he’s been in very many ways. And so what we had to do as a whole new life to start over, I’m not going to act like that never happened because it did. And I honor that, but I’m excited about the newness of it all. [00:18:00] And, you know, I cried to let that life go. And so when I look at people who are transgender, I would hope, and I, and maintenance, it’s each thing for each person.

But to me clearly, you don’t want the life that you have in this sex. So to me, that person like Mac has to die so that Gwen may blossom. And I think that there needs to be a time of morning. Two more than that, because that person is no more and that’s fair. It’s almost like it’s almost like the brother died, but you had an assessor board.

So there’s a death factor there. 

Jacqueline: Yeah. So that’s, so that’s part of the problem, right? Because we, the family feels like they can’t connect to the new Gwen. I don’t know who Gwen is.

De’Vannon: And you don’t know who Glen is because gleaning ferry went out yet. 

Jacqueline: Yeah. So it’s, it’s kind of, it’s kind of a lot to process, right?

De’Vannon: Right. So that’s still like in the works. So I’m [00:19:00] interested in hearing how that pans out. I’m all for transgendered, right? Tiny. I hope y’all get all the changes you need to do. There’s no sense in walking around miserable and for the rest of us, what we’re going to do is learn how to. More open-minded and I’m glad that you are, but this until we talked to the whole world here now, you know, and if they tell you, baby, I used to be Bobby now I’m, Brittany will get bitch and you need to just get on the motherfucking train and catch the program. 

Jacqueline: Okay.

De’Vannon: Who was it that told you you would never, ever be as successful financial adviser? 

Jacqueline: Did I share that story? So it’s funny, you’re talking about like old people dead and God. So that happened for me. I went through an abusive relationship from 18 to 24 verbally, mentally, physically, all of the above. And so. In that relationship, when that is when I decided I was going to be a financial advisor and he was like, yeah, [00:20:00] you can never be a financial advisor.

It was like, why not? Like it’s not rocket science, which he was literally studying rocket science at the time. And he was like, because you don’t have what it takes to learn all of the things. And you’re not going to be able to keep up with the economic news and all of this stuff. And I was like, oh, I was like, okay, well, I guess just watching me do it.

So then I did it and it was like, then at the end of the day, he was like, oh, okay, well cool. But it was, that was the point where he was like, yeah, you’re not going to be able to do that. And I was like, all right, well, I guess I’m gonna do it on my own.

De’Vannon: Well Arbor, this was significant other. It should be our number one cheerleaders, know, the people in our life. Now you stayed with him 1920. For like six, seven, like six years and abuse. How did you get way. 

Jacqueline: It was really [00:21:00] hard, I guess I just had to like force a wedge between us. So even though he had bought a big multi-million dollar home, I still kept my small apartment. So even though we were together during that time and we started making a lot more money than me, I still was like keeping a separation, keeping a distance, which was painful, but I also knew that it was necessary

De’Vannon: Child his house and a home, his home 

Jacqueline: there isn’t.

De’Vannon: that he know you have the apartment still. 

Jacqueline: Yeah, man, that would be there and he would crazy and come show up at random times and knock on the door super late and wake up my roommates and yeah.

De’Vannon: I’m glad you out of that bullshit. So w what advice would you give to be at a woman, a man, or whatever, in a situation that they’re being physically abused, [00:22:00] verbally abused, and their path to progress is also being stepped on. What would you say to them right now? 

Jacqueline: You have to find a way. Because when you sit in that situation, you always want to think that that person is going to change and that person’s going to be different. And the reality is usually when something is that deep, like it doesn’t change. And I can say that now because I just reconnect. With him, like had a conversation.

We met up and he wanted to be back together immediately. And I was like, whoa, I wasn’t even considering that on the table. Like, we were just having a conversation because. The dog that we got together died. So I’m trying to be respectful to you say, Hey, like, this is what happened, blah, blah, blah, blah. Do you want to take part in the ceremony, this and that.

He wants to rekindle the relationship and I’m like, whoa, like, that’s not what I’m here for. And he’s like, Well, he, he immediately went [00:23:00] back to the same way that he had acted five, six years ago. So even though you say you’ve been doing all this peace planning and you’ve been drinking your green tea and you at peace, you’re not abusive anymore.

You’re not controlling. I don’t believe it. So what I’m telling you guys is, and I think most of the time you see this, when you look back, right, you’re like, oh, I saw the signs. I saw the red flags. I knew I needed to get out. You do. The problem is like, as much as you can hop on the internet and you can see all the things and your family can tell you, it’s not right you see it for yourself.

It’s not going to happen, but I need you to just be aware of what’s going on. Just you gotta, you gotta take care of yourself first.

De’Vannon: Girl, he pulled an Ike Turner on you now. I don’t know if people who know Tina Turner. I don’t care if you do, if you don’t, if not, you need to know what the fuck Tina Turner is. Cause you remember what’s love got to do with it. One of the greatest movies of all fucking time, I try [00:24:00]to do that. He showed up after the band practice brung, he didn’t bring her, he brung out some flowers.

I’m floating. And he tried to do the same shit . Let’s get back together well wait. Tina wasn’t wasn’t trying to have all the, I can’t believe he tried to. I turn to you girl, 

Jacqueline: Oh, like once you get over something, you realize like, okay, that was really bad. okay, I can’t do that again, but you can’t go back to that. Like,

De’Vannon: but kudos to you for having the I would say that humility to meet up with somebody that’s very big of you. I don’t know that I’m going to be like you one day as. 

Jacqueline: Just like, you have to let go, like you can’t just hold on to those feelings. So I’m not saying that you have to with people in any way, shape or form, but I let go of any ill feelings that I had. And the other thing is like, I don’t have kids. I [00:25:00] watched a lot of people with their kids.

And like maybe, you know, you and I had an abusive relationship. We had a child. So now I want to keep my child from you, even though it had nothing to do with the child, the child wasn’t in any real danger. Like you want to be aggressive to the child. Okay. Now I’m hindering your relationship with your dad.

the only reason I can speak on this is because I know my dad, I didn’t grow up with my dad, but my brother’s dad was around and they were divorced and it was a big mess. And I was like, why are you even bringing the children? And mind you I’m like nine years old. And I’m like, why are you even bringing the children into this?

Like, I mean, I am children. So I’m like, okay, you got to figure out, I think in that situation, How to extract your own personal emotions from what’s going on around you. And I know that that may sound kind of crazy, I tell people that all the time, right? Because we want to have these really emotional reactions to a lot of things.

And we want to have like an emotional [00:26:00] reaction to the person who cut us off in traffic and the lady who’s rude at the grocery store. And it’s like, most of the time what’s going on with these other people. And when they’re rude to you, that doesn’t have to do with you. It has to do with. They’re having a bad day.

They’re worried about something else. It doesn’t have to do with you. So why get yourself worked up about that? Why make yourself upset? Why ruin your day over somebody else’s response and how they’re acting? in my case, I’m like, right, well, I know you love the dog. You still contacted me every six to 12 months to see the dog.

Sometimes I let you do it, but I’m just like, look, I don’t want to be with you in any way, shape or form, but I still care about you as a person. And I know that you cared about the dogs. So I want you to be able to take part in this if you would like to. So that has a lot of growth for me. I wasn’t always in that space.

I was more of like

De’Vannon: So he did some explicitives y’all. 

Jacqueline: I like no, get out of here. No, not here for it, but it took a lot [00:27:00] of personal growth on my end to really realize like it happened yesterday at the grocery store, like somebody was being rude and I was like, oh, okay. Like you’re having a bad day. Sorry, boom. Like, let me go on about my day. I’m not worried about you and you’re not about to fuck up my day.

Oops, messed up my day. So I think once you realize that it makes life a lot easier.

De’Vannon: But if you do some, a priority meditation, what does the spiritual thing, how did you next? The detached from the. From the anger, the bitterness. How did you let that go? Leaving was one thing. Abandoning all negative emotion was another. 

Jacqueline: So it’s something I started practicing at the age of 18, so it took me a while to figure it out. But the age of 18, realized that I had to forgive my mom for the situation with my dad. So if I didn’t do that, I was going to be harboring. Ill feelings towards her for not telling me who he is [00:28:00] or not helping me find him, know, or just having done what she did in the first place.

So I had to let go of those emotions and I decided to do it at 18 I’m a Christian. So with my face, I was like, look, God is protecting me from something in that situation. There’s a reason why, I don’t know. My dad had. Okay. I’m also too broke to hire a private investigator, 23 and me, it wasn’t a thing.

So it was like, I have zero options here, but to let go of this situation. So the only way that I’m going to be able to have a, you know, even functioning relationship with my mom is if I just forgive this. So when people say that you forgive other people. For yourself, not for them. That’s true. So I had to practice that, right.

So I had to forgive my mom and that’s really, really difficult, especially when my mom is still pumping out little kids at this point, who were saying, Hey sister, you got to come around. Like you can’t just be hiding. We know you’re in college, but you got to come around. So I have to be around my mom, even though we don’t have a relationship, really.

So I had to just start [00:29:00] practicing that. So. Unfortunately, by the time I got to this terrible relationship and I was able, I was finally strong enough to leave. was like, okay. Cool. I can leave now. And I have to put those other practices that I learned into place, but you see how difficult it was because I started practicing that released at 18.

Right. And I wasn’t able to fully even do it for myself, like truly for myself until my mid twenties. it takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of patience, a lot of getting to know yourself, spending time alone, Really how to truly love yourself and respect yourself.

De’Vannon: Well, as mother RuPaul would say, if you can’t love yourself, Hi the hell. Are you gonna love anybody else? 

Jacqueline: It’s true. And it’s like, there’s certain things that you hear like that, that [00:30:00] may not hit you at that time, but at some point in life, like you’re going to realize that that’s true.

De’Vannon: And you mentioned being a Christian and. Something that was on a mentioned earlier about light. Like if your brothers and sisters don’t you, and it’s a big thing, like in the gay world, you know, a lot of us get rejected by the church, by our blood relatives and things like that. And there’s a certain scripture and I, myself, I call myself a believer.

I don’t like to use the word Christian anymore because it’s all tarnished at this point. And I don’t want anything to drive a wedge in between me and anyone that I may need. And so yeah.

Sometimes, you know, you tell somebody you’re a Christian, they just get cold instantly. But there’s a scripture now, where do you look like preaching into him when he do some?

Well, and then like his, his, his, his Manny, and like his brother was outside trying to get in. They were trying to give the IP service if I recall correctly. And he was like, leave him out. And basically like, who is my brother and my sister, really? [00:31:00] You know, so it basically, he was saying, because, because we share the same blood doesn’t mean that they are going to get special treatment.

And that doesn’t mean that there are any closer to me than all of you who are already in here more of a spiritual thing than anything in terms of. Who can consider family. then the Bible tells us that it’s better a friend near than a brother far. There’s a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

Jacqueline: yeah. 

De’Vannon: So when your father and your mother for say, whew, then the Bible also tells us that the Lord will take us up. So I’ve thought I need people to get over this attachment. To blood relatives. You had nothing to do with that. And you don’t owe these people. Shit, find you, who really give a damn about you and that mine may not be your 

 Let go. 

Jacqueline: Yeah. I mean, it’s a harsh, it’s a really, really harsh reality to find, and it never gets easier. It never gets easier. You only get stronger, but it never gets easier because [00:32:00] like every holiday, like if you decide that you’re gonna detach from your family, because they’re toxic every holiday, you’re going to think about them.

Right. And it’s going to be. And you’re just going to have to learn how to deal with it, and you will get stronger over time, but there’s no point in being and being in spaces where you’re not wanted, where you’re not loved. If there’s a hint of jealousy, there’s a hint of anger. There’s a hint of, know, old that really needed to die.

Like. You don’t need to be in that space. You don’t need to subject yourself to that. Like hate using the line. Life is too short, but it’s like, until something hits you in the face where you’re like, oh my gosh, like life is too short. Then you may not really resonate with that. But I wholeheartedly believe that like, And life, you have different relationships for different seasons of your life.

[00:33:00] And, you know, during the, the, the season of you know, my, my real growth I had. Family relationships. Right. And they taught me so much about communication and managing emotions and myself and how I deal with things it was good to have that, and it was good to endure through the pain. And it was good for me to keep going back into keep, you know, facing these, these just terrible situations so that I could learn, right.

Because I’m 28 years old right now. And I know a lot of people who go through these kinds of situations later in life. And the, in my case, I just considered a blessing to have already gone through these particular situations.

De’Vannon: Girl, you look about 14. I love. 

Jacqueline: Oh, that’s why do people say that? So I was at the gym the other day and there was these like high school kids in there and they were like, They were like, why are you complaining about being tired? Like what you didn’t sleep [00:34:00] last night? I was like, because I’m damn near 30. Like I’m just not the same as I was back then.

I played college basketball. So like these needs don’t do they not make the stallion needs? Like they hurt. So they were like, what? We thought you were 16, 17. Like, no, I’m all the way going on, but it’s cool. It’s cool.

De’Vannon: When you 90, he don’t look 30. 

Jacqueline: Let’s help us up. Biggest cross.

De’Vannon: So you wrote a kick ass book. We’re going to shift gears to this money planning and positivity into a better financial life. Now y’all this is not your typical book. Hopefully. This interview, as it has been so far, has it made you see this is not your typical financial planner? If she cares or hard as it is a very unique way she hadn’t been through her own shit.

And when you been through something, you can help people to walk through that same type of shit better. It’s just the way it is. And [00:35:00] so she’s super unique and you have a couple of quotes in here. Let me see. You said in one part that many people spend their lives focusing solely 

 On money, making money while for getting their health.

And then they end up with neither. They speak to me about the balance that’s missing. 

Jacqueline: So I, myself was a part of this, like non balanced the lives. So during. Relationship that didn’t work. He was in private equity. So if you guys aren’t familiar with private equity, that’s a company that buys other companies. So it’s very numbers based, right? So it has truly nothing to do with the people who work in these positions, who are the ones who make these businesses money, but it strictly has to do with numbers.

Like, does this produce, does this have an ROI that’s high enough for me? You know, it doesn’t make all of this money. Right. [00:36:00] So I got very caught up in this world that he was living in also trying to build my career as a financial advisor, which is very numbers based that everything was so about the numbers.

How many hours a day could you work? You know, how many vacations could you skip? How many holidays could you skip? sure a lot of people have that at the beginning of their career where they’re trying build up. This certain statute, they’re trying to build up their resume. They want to learn more about their profession so that they can get paid more.

And so you start your career and you ignore that. The fact that your job has calculated your PTO and your vacation days into your. So people want to not take their PTO. They want to not take their vacation because they’re like they don’t want to be seen as weak in the corporate space, but truly your job has already calculated that number in like, they’re expecting you to take that vacation and you need to take that vacation for your sanity.

Right? Because we think about health a lot of times as [00:37:00] physical health, but we don’t think about mental health. We don’t talk about emotional wealth. We don’t talk about. The, the pressing conversations that families should be having so that we don’t have these situations of an all or nothing relationships with our families.

know? So there’s a difference between there’s a healthy balance between making money because you need money to sustain your life, but also making sure that you’re taking care of yourself in your pursuit of more money.

De’Vannon: Right now that was from the physical Wells part of her book. Divided into four sections, physical wealth, which is health, financial wealth, which is money, social wealth, which is bad as a Dolly and then time. Well, is freedom. And so I like, I like these four pillars here that you have, because I’ve never really seen money broken down like this before you have to worry.

When I, when I get rich, you know, going to hire you. So from there, [00:38:00] from the social world, Part you were talking about the Corona virus, the need to connect. And this, this part here has to do like a lifestyle inflation, but I want to get your, we talked about the coronavirus the earlier slightly and how, You. know, everyone was so like terrible and like 20, 20 last year. And I felt great about everything that they have at least for me in 2020, talk about like, The current activity that you felt like was needed. You said that you spent 

Jacqueline: Oh, 

De’Vannon: that time with your dog and everything like that. And how does this tie into our social wealth in, and I am sorry that you lost your dog.

Jacqueline: You. So it’s interesting because. COVID it happened. Right. So everyone is kinda cooped up and it was interesting because you saw a lot of [00:39:00] the way that people really lived. Right. And it’s funny, I just got on Tik TOK and I said, okay, take talk is really showing me like how y’all really live. Like I’m really seeing your, your home and releasing like your surroundings where.

Every day, like, you know, if we go back to like normal life, we go back to like 20 18, 20, 19. Like a lot of times people didn’t see you in your home, like they see you outside. So how do we express our social wealth outside? You know, it’s the places that we. The places that we congregate at, right then people are going to categorize your social wealth based on the vehicle that you drive, the watch that you wear, the clothes that you have.

Right. And so in any economic. Everyone is all, is all chasing social status. Right? So you see it on the lower end of the spectrum where people are chasing it may be like, nice. It may be like, [00:40:00]Jordan’s right. Like you may be chasing like, that may be the ultimate ultimate for this class. And then you get to this class and it may be like, oh, I want a Louis Vuitton bag.

Like if I have a Louis Vuitton bag, then I fit in with these other people in this social class and if I’ve earned his bag and I fit in. Class. And I have a AP watch, like then I fit in here. So it’s like, I want you to know like what you’re chasing at the end of the day, it comes to your social wealth and how much does that matter to you?

What are you willing to give up? Because if you are chasing certain things in certain classes that you can’t ultimately afford and they take away from your ultimate financial goals, then I want you to be cognizant of that. I had an intern and she was. She her heart and soul is really into this. So she was like, how do you deal with people who are making poor financial decisions and not following your guidance?

And I was like, at a certain point, like you have to, you realize that you have to detach your own emotions from the situation [00:41:00] because you cannot control other people and you cannot control other people’s decisions. So once people realize like they are responsible for their own choices, the situation changes.

And some people don’t ever, some people don’t have a real life. think I had a client asked me for a refund this year, because she was like, I don’t like the information that you gave me. like the information that I gave you because it was too real. I told you that you weren’t making enough money for the things that you were buying and things that you were buying were not really impressing people because they know you’re not making enough money.

And you like the reality of the situation. That’s the harsh reality. I put it a little bit nicer than that, but that was a harsh reality. So she was like on for my money. I’m like, okay, that’s fine. And I’m not emotional about it because I know that this is your life. And these are your choices and your decisions.

I’m just here to give you some recommendations, some pointers to help you out better financially. But at the end of the day, it’s all up to you and your choices.

De’Vannon: Well, I say, just tell it like it, the fuck is, it is what it is. So you [00:42:00] said. 

Jacqueline: need though. Like, I was trying to figure this out, like in the last year or so, like I was like, okay, like you said earlier, I come from a very buttoned up industry. Like it’s supposed to be very mm. White collar professional. Like we don’t say certain things. We don’t no, I have an obligation to tell you about yourself financially, because if I don’t do it, who will, and there’s no point in beating around the Bush and you not getting the message like, hello, you going to get the message loud and clear here.

Like, this is it. You don’t make enough money for the things you’re buying. And that’s not always the case, but sometimes it is.

De’Vannon: Right now. Now you, you took a quote from the Polian and you said that there is.

a one kind of Robert who the law does not strike at whom feels what is most precious to men, which is time you talk about in the time of session that the poor spend all their time, trying to make money, all the rich spin their money, their money to buy time.

Can you talk to [00:43:00] us about what you mean there? 

Jacqueline: Yeah. So in the case of being rich, you can almost buy your time back in a sense. Right. And I’m not saying that you have to be like overly wealthy, but think about it, think about the things that take up your time that you don’t like that. Maybe that’s going to the grocery store. Maybe that’s cleaning your house.

Maybe that’s doing your laundry. Okay. I’m just listing out things that I don’t like to do and you pay somebody else to do that. Right? Because then I get two hours back from grocery shopping. I get two hours back from cleaning my house. I get two hours back for washing my clothes. That’s another six hours back that I’m getting every week or so.

That if I didn’t have the money to pay somebody else to do that, then I would have to spend my time to do that. But instead I can buy my time back. Right. So now I can spend my time doing more things that I want to do hanging out with my friends, reading, you know, whatever it is. So that’s how you can buy your time back.

So that’s why I’m saying that money is not the most important [00:44:00] thing in the world, but it affects everything that is. And your time is one of the biggest ones.

De’Vannon: So you see everybody this, because you have a maid, it doesn’t mean that you’re trying to be bougie. There’s nothing wrong with being bougie by the way. But, that’s sometimes as soon as somebody hears somebody has a maid, they get this attitude like, oh,

she thinks she all that. No, maybe she just got other shit.

She’d rather be doing it. It’s really just that damn simple. And they’re not really 

 They’re not like necessarily crazy expensive when, when we had one in California, back when I was in the military, I think it may have been like 50 or $75 a day. You know, for like a two story house. I don’t know what people think.

I mean, we made the 

Jacqueline: oh, 

De’Vannon: live in maid is a different price spectrum than the lady 

 Who just stops by once or twice a month. So you don’t have made, I’m like, y’all, can’t stand in my house. got me [00:45:00] fucked up. I’m not doing it. It’s just not gonna happen 

Jacqueline: Yeah. 

De’Vannon: I would, rather work on a podcast or write a book.

Our go to workout or some other, she had a garden. I really love the garden. If so, so I’m curious if you would take a different look at things that they have classified as beyond them, or only for rich people like maids and stuff like that. And come at it from a perspective of how can I leave V8 stress off of my life by perhaps budgeting for this. 

Jacqueline: Exactly. And I like to get a little bit more quantitative about it. Like those are luxuries in life. And so I tell people before you can get to the luxuries in life, I need to figure out what your financial freedom number is. What’s your financial independence number. What amount do you need to put up every month in order to basically retire, right?

Or I call it work optional now because retirement just. Resonate with people, right? So what amount of money do you need in the bank to be able to wake up in the morning and decide if you’re going to go to work or not? [00:46:00] So how do we get there? We got to figure out what you need to put up monthly, right? So that 800, 300 number that was thrown around earlier.

Let’s figure out what that is and make sure that you’re doing that consistently every month. Now, once you’re doing that consistently every month, now we have the flexibility to talk about luxuries. Now we can talk about if you have a nanny, if you have a mate, you know, Do you have a car service? Now we can talk about those things, but not until I’ve got you putting up an adequate amount, you know, just from bare minimum.

De’Vannon: Right. Okay. the last question I have for you is, is it so many people are restructuring their life. They leave in their jobs and not going back. we don’t care. Now you want to put up a sign saying that you’re going to give people. Our 15 bits, you should have been doing that the whole time.

then I heard how you bringing them on and you only giving them two, three hours a week at that higher rate stopped doing that janky shit is going to come back to bite you in the ass, Mickey D’s. And so since people are going to be quitting and then I’m going back to these bullshit ass jobs, [00:47:00]what are some financial things people need to do before they quit those jobs?

And then any other advice that you have, I’ll let you have our last word. 

Jacqueline: Yeah. So before you quit, before anybody quits their job, best thing you can do is just make a financial plan and it doesn’t have to be anything crazy. It can be net back of the napkin. Okay. What are my options? It was the first thing. What are your bills? What are you responsible for every month a necessity level?

Right. So what is your rent? is your car payment? What is your insurance? What is your phone bill? What are those basic necessities that you need every month? And what do you have saved? Because the harsh reality is like, if you don’t have any money saved to be able to make it. What are you going to do financially in between time?

I guess you could take unemployment, but the idea is like, how can we make this as easy as possible? You know, how can we make this as simple as possible? That’s my job as a financial advisers to simplify finances for you. I want you to [00:48:00] do. Evaluate what you have. And I want you to look at what you need and then make a plan from there.

Right? I mean, the reason why I think a lot of people aren’t going back to these jobs is one because they are BS, like you said, but also because there’s so many other opportunities to make money in this world now, thanks to the internet. So. Are you going to Uber? Are you going to lift? I don’t want to hear that you don’t have a car because they have car programs.

Like what are you going to do? You know, figure it out, make a plan. And then also I want you, the biggest thing that I want you to do, if you’re considering that kind of a jump is, I want you to take a look at your credit. Because your credit can be a hidden gym that you can use to get one of these new jobs to start one of these new businesses.

So like, if you want to hop on Turo and you want a Turo cars, you can go get cars for no money down, if you have good credit. Right. So I want you to take a look at your credit. Follow me on Tik TOK. My Instagram got banned, but it should be back up soon. Follow me. Instagram, like I [00:49:00] post all kinds of like tips and tricks and hacks.

And I talk about credit building on there. So you can find me on any of those platforms.

De’Vannon: All right. Thank you very much, Jacqueline for come in on the sex drugs and Jesus’ podcast today. I’ll put your tick tock, your website and everything in the show notes. And then we will go from there. Thank you so very much. 

Jacqueline: Thanks for having me appreciate it.

De’Vannon: Thank you all so much for taking time to listen to the sex drugs and Jesus podcast. It really means everything to me. Look, if you love the show, you can find more information and resources at sex, drugs, and jesus.com or wherever you listen to your podcast. Feel free to reach out to me directly at DeVannon@SexDrugsAndJesus.com and on Twitter and Facebook as well.

My name is De’Vannon and it’s been wonderful being your host today and just remember that everything is going to be all right.

 

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