This marks the second episode of me speaking candidly about my recent breakup with my partner of half a decade. This became abuse long before I realized it was. I hope those of you out there suffering in this way can get out and get help before it’s too late.
INCLUDED IN THIS EPISODE (But not limited to):
· My Warning To Narcissists
· Don’t Get Sick Baby
· Warning Signs
· Don’t Ignore The Signs
· YOU Are NOT Crazy!!!!!!!! – The Narcissist Is
· STAR WARS Parallels
· It Is So Much Easier To Tell The TRUTH
· Let’s Not Suffer Fools Any Longer
CONNECT WITH DE’VANNON:
· Pray Away Documentary (NETFLIX)
o TRAILER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk_CqGVfxEs
· OverviewBible (Jeffrey Kranz)
· Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed (Documentary)
· Leaving Hillsong Podcast With Tanya Levin
· Upwork: https://www.upwork.com
· FreeUp: https://freeup.net
VETERAN’S SERVICE ORGANIZATIONS
· Disabled American Veterans (DAV): https://www.dav.org
· American Legion: https://www.legion.org
· What The World Needs Now (Dionne Warwick): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfHAs9cdTqg
INTERESTED IN PODCASTING OR BEING A GUEST?:
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Covert Narcissist Breakup Part 2
De’Vannon: [00:00:00] Hello, all my lovely people and welcome back to the Sex Drugs in Jesus podcast. I’m your host of Evan Hubert, and this is gonna be part two of this popup series that I just had to do on this breakup that I just had to have with my covertly narcissistic as ex-boyfriend. Covert narcissism and narcissism in general is just, it just wreaks terror on the people that it touches.
I thought for this half a decade when we were together, it was like a, a maturity thing or just you know, some, you know, just, just normal human problems and shit and No, I didn’t know that, that, that this is like a, like a serious, serious thing. There’s all kinds of, now that I’m digging into this and researching it, Like on different social media, Instagram or whatever, different like narcissist, narcissism, survivors and shit like that [00:01:00] in a way.
Well, no, I totally feel like I’ve, I’ve just been in, grafted into a Into a sisterhood of sorts and well, a brotherhood as well, because this happens to men too. You got some narcissistic females out there as well. It’s not, it’s not just the boys out there destroying people and damaging people’s hearts, but, you know, I feel like I’m, you know, a part of a new collective or conclave or sorority or fraternity or whatever you may call it.
And I, you know, and I feel like. and I feel like I’m not alone. That is one thing that I really, really appreciate about this particular drama this time is unlike when I got H I V and I was going through other stuff and I felt totally isolated from the world and from everybody, I thought I was the only one suffering with that.
You know, no. This time I have a clearer head on my shoulder and I’m absolutely fucking [00:02:00]clear that it’s not just me. This didn’t just happen to me and I am not alone. That makes me happy, that makes me smile. As we begin to push the darkness, you know, of, of these last years with, with my ex away and we begin to look to a brighter day.
So let me go ahead and start with my scripture. This time I’m doing Psalm 36, a few verses, and this says, the transgression of the wicked says within my heart that there is no fear of God before his eyes. Where he flatterers himself in his own eyes until his iniquity be found to be hateful, and the words of his mouth are iniquity and deceit.
He has left off to be wise and to do good. He devises mischief upon his bed. He says it himself in a way that is not good. He ab bores not evil. The last verse of this psalm says, there are the [00:03:00]workers of iniquity fallen. They are cast down and shall not be able to rise. I say this as I, as I issue a warning to narcissists out there and for people who, who think that they’re going to be able to just devastate people.
Lie control, deflect blame. Well be very Trumpy. Be very Donald Trump. He’d be very George Santos, like, you know. And I think you’re just gonna go skip off and have a nice, peaceful, calm life and afterlife and everything’s gonna be all right for you. No, it’s not . You will, you will reap every little bit of dirt you soap you have sown and you will reap double.
Okay? Because. Because of your unrepentant and, and, and way, and you’re not humble and you have the, you have the nerve to devastate people and then turn [00:04:00] around and be arrogant about it too. In other words, you do too much, you do way too damn much. And you don’t fear God. I mean, I, I’m saying you could possibly even know him or of any sort of like serious spirituality.
About you and you’re willing to devastate the most precious thing on the earth, which is people not sex, not drugs, not money, not power. Humans, there’s nothing more valuable than humans. You know, we, we are the, are the apple of God’s eyes. We are the best thing. On this planet, you know, next to the angels, you know, but who’s in?
And we are made just a little bit lower than the angels baby. We are divine beings. You cannot go around treating God’s people this way and think that it’s gonna be okay for you. You know, in verse two says, he flatterers himself in his own eyes. [00:05:00] You know, I read through this and all I see is narcissistic people, narcissistic people, baby, until hisi inequity be found to be hateful, yaro with, with my ex back and forward for years.
Until, until it was just like disgusting and sickening, you know, to, to look at him and to hear the, the foolish things that he would continue to say. It just, it just got to a point that it just became hateful. . It’s just like, damn. You know, you won’t repent. You won’t say you’re sorry. You won’t change, but you gonna keep doing the same shit over and over again.
You’ve been to counseling for years. No evolution. What the fuck could anybody do with that? Except for do. Except for do. Like Jesus said. Wish I said in the last episode, which was from such turn. If somebody has a reprobate mind and they just refuse to change and evolve, you cannot do nothing with those people.
Staying in a relationship with them is gonna wear you the fuck down. It’s gonna drain you. [00:06:00]Stress can cause all kind of health issues. You don’t want cancers creeping up on you. You don’t want nervous, nervous system disorders creeping up on you. You don’t want. You know, these things, stress goes into your body.
And I learned a lot about this when I was studying anatomy and, and all the different nervous systems and things like that in the body when I was getting my massage therapy certification. That stress goes into you and it like sets there. If you don’t get rid of it, it’s gonna manifest somehow. Tumors and shit show up on people.
You go running to the doctor trying to figure out what the cause is. It might be that narcissistic ass asshole that you’ve been in a relationship with, you know, worrying shit where they’re at, if they’re telling you the truth. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I could see if it was a child that you bear some responsibility for creating or you know, adopting or whatever.
[00:07:00] But your significant other was an in, you know, is you’re not their mother, you’re not their father, , you’re not their parent. I felt. You know, many times like I was in that role, you know, you know, you know, with my significant other, but that was not the role that I was meant to be in. We don’t need to be raising, you know, our partners.
We need to have somebody who, who’s our equal and who can help to build us up and we build them up, not us constantly trying to pull them up when they’re only trying to tear us down.
And it says that the last verse says, there are the workers of inequity fallen. They are cast down and shall not be able to rise. So where are the people who, who do these evil things fallen right? Where they have always been, you know, in the midst of their deception and deceit, you know, there is no other way, you know?
So that is my warning, the narcissist. Being an asshole and doing these hard [00:08:00] mean things to people. So something being so hardhearted or you gonna reap what you sow, turn around, repent. Start apologizing, go before God and confess everything you’ve done and go get your ass some counseling and stop.
Because I, I refuse to think that anybody is above redemption or above second chances, and third chances ever fucking mean chances. You need to get it right, but you’re not going to get that. . If you keep lying , that’s not going to work. You know, God, don’t do liars. I’m not gonna do liars. You shouldn’t do liars.
Hmm. All of you have been hurt by these narcissistic pe narcissistic people. I’m just praying for peace over you. This is a bitch of a headache, you know, to have to circumnavigate through, get God, you know but navigate through what we can. . Every counselor that I’ve talked to have all said [00:09:00]the same thing.
They’re like, run away. They don’t hold out. Hope that somebody who’s a narcissist can change. They’re like, it is very not likely because in order for somebody to change, you have to be able to admit that you’re wrong wholeheartedly through and through without reservations and qualifiers. It’s the first step, and that’s the step that they cannot fucking do because they really don’t wanna fucking be wrong.
So how the hell can you help somebody? Don’t wanna be wrong, but still, you know, just like I don’t believe someone always has to be an addict. , you know, fuck what the 12 steps say. Some of it’s right. That part I don’t agree with, I don’t believe. You always have to be a narcissist, but you gonna have to tell the truth,
But the Lord said, Jesus said, you, you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free. Lies are gonna keep you bound, you know, in a web of your own making if you insist upon going down that path.[00:10:00]
Now I’m gonna get back. I’m gonna get on some of the early. Some of the warning signs and some of the different things like that that I saw that, well, I’ll just talk about one of them. That I, that I’ve, knowing what I know now, you know, I can, it all makes sense. One thing about having gotten out of an abusive relationship, you begin to go back and wonder, you know, did I see this coming?
Could I have avoided this? And yeah, I, I saw it coming. and I just, I just didn’t listen. I just didn’t listen. In fact, I had a dream years ago, you know, around, you know, I first met my ex and it, and it’s like the Lord was telling me this dream that somebody close to me was not being, you know, real and authentic about who they are.
You know, I, I think. , you know, and I, I told this to my ex and he, you know, looked at the ground and stuff like that [00:11:00] because he, he knew it was him. I think I knew it was him, but I just hoped that it would change, you know, it didn’t, you know, the Lord tried to warn me, but, you know, here we are here. You know, here we are.
I remember how there was You know, for the, for the brief period where my ex and I lived in my house together, which didn’t work out cause we were always arguing and everything and trying to argue with the narcissist is just stupid. They gonna keep you in this like vicious loop. Like we’d be arguing, I don’t know, talking about the bed sheets or whatever, potatoes, whatever the fuck you wanna talk about.
He just arbitrarily started talking about like a unicorn or some shit. And then when like the argument was clearly over and done. , he would just, and he, he was on the losing end of it. He would just throw something else out there just to keep arguing. It’s like he fed off the [00:12:00] negativity. He got off on this shit.
You know, people like that are not working towards peace. They just wanna fight because they have nothing but hell up in them. And instead of going somewhere to get their shit fixed and straightened out, they want to drag positive bitches like you and me down. Instead of going to get themselves elevated, not today’s Satan, it shall not happen no more.
It shall not be. And so he, I come home from work. This is back when I had my massage therapy clinic. I come back home from work. The people across the street are all gathered outside, looking across the street at my house, pissed the fuck off. And I’m like, what the hell? I don’t know what the fuck didn’t happen.
I go in the house about like all of five. Five minutes later, the neighbor comes over and rings the door to inform me that my ex had back outta my driveway, [00:13:00] hit their car, and drove the fuck off. I go and roll back the cameras because. You know, everybody got cameras and shit and sure enough, there is my ex backing out of the, out of my driveway.
He hits the neighbor’s car, which is like this souped up, you know, race car, Honda Civic looking thing that this man, this man takes an incredible amount of pride with. Didn’t have a flick of dust on it ever. You know, , you know, and then my ex backs out, hits his car, drives down the street. Comes back, gets out of his car, goes to look at my neighbor’s car, and makes the executive decision to just go on about his day.
Where was my ex? Heading over to this gaming store to play Dungeons and Dragons. I go out there to look at this car. This is some little scratch that you could have missed. It was a huge ass bumper side dent on the whole [00:14:00] side of the driver’s seat. Car driver. Car driver’s side of the car. Okay. I called my ex, cuss his ass the fuck out.
Tell him to stop playing games while he didn’t hit someone’s vehicle and didn’t tell anyone. , you know, who the fuck does that? Like, like, like, like, like the shit that these people do is so stupid. I’m like, whatever you saying do in this life can be found out. There is no running and hiding. You know, I didn’t.
Then what a delusional world my ex was living in, in his world is okay to hit someone’s car and run off and not tell ’em. Now it might be a little different if you back into somebody’s car and you’re like at a fucking concert with thousand people there area at the mall. You don’t know who the fuck car it is, if it’s like some little shit or the door hits it.
Okay. Little shit like that I accept is going to happen. I’ve come out and found little scratches on my car that I know wasn’t there before I left. Oh, well, I mean that’s a part of living in this world and driving [00:15:00] around, you know, in a motor vehicle, but damnit when you live across the street from the people and everybody got fucking cameras and peek, peeking out the window.
I’m sure it was a loud noise and you leave a huge as. Dent and you got to drive by that car every day coming home, you know, it would make more sense to get ahead of that and be honest and just say, what the fuck happened? But not my ex. He decided he was gonna tuck that little secret away and go play Dungeon and Dungeons and Dragons and have him a nice happy time.
Nevermind the person’s gonna walk out and have a damaged vehicle. Didn’t give a fuck about them. , you know. , he would go on to demonstrate this behavior. Cause we had broken up for like three weeks. My god, I wish I had stayed broken up from him, you know before, right. You know, during the height of the pandemic and everything like that.
We didn’t have vaccines yet, but we did have tests. We were broken up for three weeks and I was like kind of back and [00:16:00] forth about it. We had been together like maybe two-ish years about at that point, two and a half. I go over to his house after three weeks to try to, you know, establish a friendship, see if we’re gonna get back together, whatever.
Just have like a movie night while I’m there. I know there’s a pork wine bottle in his kitchen, max. Don’t drink fucking wine. He’s too basic for that, you know, I, you know, introduce him to everything that’s nice and expensive in his life. Okay, so, . If somebody, if he had a bottle of wine in there, that means he’d been fucking, okay, all right, well, we’re broken up.
You have a right to go and do that. I still, I still felt cheap cheapened by the fact that, you know, it only took you three weeks to start fucking around after we’d been together for years. I hadn’t had sex with anybody in that time as I was processing everything, and so, I began to act out [00:17:00] and act. I began to go off on his fucking ass because not so much because of the sex, even though that was super fucking insulting and everything.
But because we are in the middle of a pandemic and you can’t go and fuck okay with the goddamn mask on, so, I began to berate him and to go off on him about this, and the only thing that he could say is like, look, I was broke. We were broken up. I had a right to do it. I’m like, okay, you had a right to do that, but you did not have a right to have me over at your house, without informing me that you’ve been in the, you know, within six feet of people that you don’t fucking know.
None of them bothered to get tested if he was fucking, at this point, six different people. You know, six different people within three weeks. He had six different fuck buddies and none of them got tested for the coronavirus. None [00:18:00] of them were masking around each other, and he’s spending the night with these people like long periods of time.
And you got me over here sitting in your damn. in the middle of coronavirus. When is, when is, when is this new? When people are like dropping dead all over the fucking place because you and your fuck boys from Grindr and Jack don’t have enough goddamn respect for human life to to eat, to fucking stop by the damn pharmacy and get tested on the way to fuck, you know, something.
So they had hours and hours and hours. To plan the sex, do the sex plan, all of this, the overnight, whatever the fuck they did. But you couldn’t take 10 fucking minutes to go get tested , you know? Or, or at least inform people before you’re gonna be around them that, Hey, I’ve been around people. Maybe you don’t want to come around me.
No, all, all he could do is think about what the fuck he wanted. I in my dumbness, still [00:19:00]looked past this and everything like that, trying to be merciful and nice. Mm, bitch. That would be the last time. The last time I didn’t realize. You know, when I used to think of the word narcissist, I just thought it was like a different type of arrogance or something like that, or I’m, or, or like a condescending person.
I didn’t realize that these definitions, I didn’t realize it was a fucking mental health diagnosis and shit. You know, I didn’t know , you know, all of this. But you know, I don’t know every fucking thing and that’s great and fine. I’m learning. I’ve been on this earth a very long time. I have a very long road ahead of me.
So here we are learning together.
So I was, you know, back at his home state visiting his, you know, his, his family and everything like that, who I adore. You know, me and his mother get along phenomenally, phenomenally. [00:20:00]She would’ve been great fucking mother-in-law, you know, and I, I still consider her to be that, you know, but and I, and I still have a great relationship with her.
I will be visiting her and she and I will be taking trips together and things like that. You know, I’m not gonna let what my ex did cut me off from this beautiful, beautiful person that his mother is, you know? No, you know, she and I are bonded and we have a great relationship. Fuck her son, . Okay. You know, it’s, he is a damaging, damaged person who damages other people without regard and And but when, when I was over there, it’s like he, I, I noticed the way he was talking to her, you know, you’ve heard it said before, you know, you always wanna marry a man that, that has a good relationship with his mother. You know, I hadn’t really seen them interact too much and my God, the way he would talk down to her, [00:21:00] you know, talk to her like she’s stupid, you know?
You know, I really like Coton eyebrow with that. You know, by now I’m more like invested in, you know, in my ex and trying to like, you know, trying to compromise and make sense, you know, out of the things that I’m seeing that I know just ain’t right, you know? But, The dogs, they had like cute little dogs running around there.
My ex would be mean to the damn dogs too. And I’m all like, how in the hell you gonna be mean to a dog thing? But this fucking big, just a couple like foot, foot or two damn long. Even, I mean, even if it was a big dog, you’re not supposed to be mean to animals and, and like that. And it was just the, the nasty things he would say to them and call them to to, to his mom and the animals alike.
This called them like stupid and different things like that. And I’m like, I’m like, what now? I now know why. Because basically, the most insecure people, [00:22:00] the most ones who need the most validation, go around trying to step on other people when it would be so much easier to just speak positive words, to lift people up.
You have a mouth to use. You can use it for whatever you want. Speaking negative, speaking positive. My ex chose negative. . I, you know, once asked him that, I told him, you know what, I’d like to, for you to compliment me. I should not have had to say this perfect. Strangers walk up to me and tell me I’m fucking hot or beautiful like all the time.
But I could never get words like this from my ex. And I said, you know, you know, I made that request that that launched to a whole fucking argument, a whole damn argument. You know, why the fuck are we arguing about? Me wanting you to say nice things. You know, his, his perspective was that people say nice things and it’s a lie and it’s not real.
And they only say to be fake. Well, we all know who the, who the true liar is. You know, the, the real thing is he doesn’t [00:23:00] have any joy and light in him to give, and so he does not know how to give it. The compliments I did hear him say, would sound so fake, you know, and hollow and plastic. And it was just, it would be so like, unreal, you know?
It was like it was forced, you know, he could, he couldn’t even tell a woman she had a nice blouse on without it seemed like it was causing him torture. You know? It’s so opposite his personality to be positive. You know, that’s how terrible it was. Now, mind you, when I’m asking him for this, this is when he was living in the apartment I had at the time for free.
I wasn’t charging him because he took his drunk ass to work and lost his job. Even though I warned him not to go up there after an L S U tailgate one night, you know, he was like, nah, nah, I’m good. It’ll be all right. Well, it wasn’t all right. And he went up there and this petty ass queen. That was a supervisor, you know, fire.
He got him fired, but I didn’t judge him, you know, let him move in and everything like that. And it was just this great, [00:24:00] and this is how he was treating me when he did get another job that, you know, he went and got his first check and everything and he had been living rent free, utility free, didn’t have to pay for food.
He went and got his first check, went to a game store, bought himself all kinds of shit, and went and laid his gifts to hisself out on. You know, our bed that I paid for and didn’t buy me any fucking thing, didn’t donate a dollar, didn’t call me from the store to ask me what I wanted or nothing. The only fucking thing he thought of was himself.
And then when I questioned him on that, The lie that came out of his mouth was, he didn’t buy me anything, is he didn’t know what to get. I said, but you didn’t call to find out either, or, you didn’t take a stab in the wind. You know, the fact of the matter is you just didn’t fucking think about me. And then that was the whole thing, and he tried to lie A couple of months ago he finally confessed.
He was like, oh yeah, it was because I really didn’t think about you. I’m like, okay. I know. Again, I was thinking it was just like a mature immaturity thing or whatever. No. , this is, this [00:25:00] is a, a sickness in him that is deep-rooted and, and quite problematic.
and unfor, and as I read through these different groups I’m finding online now, and these different people who have written books on narcissism and things like that, like, he’s like, textbook all of that shit, you know, describes him. So I’m hoping that somebody is listening to this and I, I want you to know that you’re not, you are not crazy.
It is not you, it is them that you have got to get the fuck away from them because they’re not trying to change. You know, they, they will sit in front of counselors. They will lie. Who the fuck lies to the couple’s therapist? Like, I can’t even, I just, I just, I just can’t, I just can’t wrap my head around that.
Like, that’s supposed to be like the safest space. If you can’t say anything in the relationship. To your partner directly at homeless, what the fuck you gonna the counselor for? Why go there and lie? I stopped paying for this shit once I realized he was such a damn liar. I’m like, okay, [00:26:00] I’m not paying my half.
You can come here and pay for this whole thing if you just gonna come here and sit here and lie to the bitches. Anyway, there was only a few after that. Then the relationship was over any damn way.
And I wanna touch on like hypocrisy for a moment. These narcissistic people don’t, don’t mind having a double standard. They so fucking Republican. Like I, when I was talking to my exes, it was like, he may as well have been George Sandho or Donald Trump. Like it is like men who just don’t care about how, what they say, who they heard.
What they say doesn’t have to make sense. You know, all three of those men will look at it, I don’t know, fucking giraffe, and tell you it’s a kangaroo, and then try to make you think you are crazy for not thinking that that giraffe is a kangaroo. That’s exactly how my ex is. so many times he’d have to retract his words.
He, he had to say this over, say that tries to act [00:27:00] like he had a communication problem. The only communication problem that that motherfucker has is telling the truth because he because the truth is not in him . And so and so
when, like I mentioned the last episode when I had discovered. Jared and I had asked Ethan to not delete that Instagram stream so that I can go through it and get what I need from my healing. And I, I know, I know a lot of people say when you, when cheating has happened, don’t go read through the text message.
Okay? Everybody’s different. Fuck it. I wanna know what was said, what was done it, okay? I, I need to see the shit. And he deleted, Ethan deleted it then he way and lied about it. We would be in counseling and things like that. If I did something like five months ago, he’d still be bitching about it. Now, I, I did whatever [00:28:00] confessed it.
Apologize, and you still want to complain. I asked you. and he would say that it is because he needs it for his healing or whatever. I’m like, okay, so we gonna have to talk about this same shit 10, 15 times, you know? You know, supposedly for your healing, you want me to deal with your constant repetition and stuttering words and re-changing everything, you know, because that’s what you need when I tell you what I need.
You like, well, fuck all that. I don’t give a shit. I’m gonna do it. and it really wasn’t that he was stuttering so bad or trying to change his words. What he was doing is pausing to try to see what he needed to say in order to control the narrative or to manipulate. He was, in other words, he was never really authentic.
You know, only a few times that he ever let true truth slip out of his mouth. and it’s like this tone of voice, which let’s like flat and go down and change. He was actually being real. This may have only happened seven times in the, in the, in the half a decade we were together. You [00:29:00] know, now that I look back on it, one of those times, he, he, he slipped and he was like, he, he said that he doesn’t think people really want to know the truth, and I asked him, well, how the fuck did you come up?
He was like, 21 and 22. I was like, how in your two little decades on this, Have you come to such an intense conclusion about mankind and of all the conclusions you could come to, you decided that people are adverse to the truth. You know, he claimed that he had abandoned that mentality, but the bastard lied.
He still believes that because, cause Ethan has a very negotiable relationship with the truth, just like George Santos and Trump. They just, it’s just, it’s just not a relevant thing to them. , you know, like literally my ex could go sat down for, for Tea Darling with, with Trump and Santo, he would be in great company like , like he’s just like them.
And [00:30:00] A part of what like hurt the most though is like you would think after all these years that a person would have some reluctance to do this sort of damage to somebody that they claim to care for. One of my favorite lines from that, from that, from the Gin Blossom song found out about you is from the first verse where the guy saying that, you know, that, that the, the things you said and did to.
It seemed to come so easily. My ex, Ethan, he, he lied to me so easily, . He deleted that Instagram stream that I asked him for to help me heal so casually like it was nothing and lied with such a calm voice. This is that sadistic. Ipro tine, dark City is shit. [00:31:00] It would’ve been like one thing if, if, if, if Impro Tine would’ve just like led all the cths to just destroy fucking choson, you know, and just been done with it.
But getting to know them. For all those years as, as a senator and becoming their friends and attending Qi Gun gin’s funeral and, you know, really, really rubbing elbows with the Jedi and getting them to protect him when he had count Duke, who, where different people come to try to hurt him, you know, whatever the fuck the case may be.
All. When he knew secretly on Camino, he had this whole clone army being built so he could execute order number 66 1 day. Now, you know, when Yoda and OB one finally was able to see that, you know, that hurt them beyond just fighting an enemy. They had been seduced, betrayed with a deception. That was a long time in the making.
That’s some other level shit, not, this did not phase the Dark [00:32:00] Emperor. He themed off of this darkness, just like these narcissistic people do. I just don’t see how somebody can look at somebody in the face every day like, like Papine and like my ex and like these narcissists against people, and they literally don’t care about the fact that they’re lying daily.
They’ve got to be getting off on this shit somehow. These are some sick people. . Okay. It just is. The games that these people play are just sickening. It’s just fucking sickening. Beyond sickening. So
in Revelation 22, in the book of Revelation, it says that for without, this is about for without the gates of heaven. This is talking about like after the end of the world when everything goes up, inflamed and Satan’s been. , you know, done away with and everything it says for outside of heaven or dogs and sorcerers and [00:33:00] whom, mongers and murderers and idolators and whosoever love it and make it a lie.
Now, parts, some parts of the Bible say all sins are even in the same. And then some parts like this seem to differentiate. Seems like some sin packs a greater punch. This is not the only part of the Bible where God differentiates liars. He talks about. How the devil is the father of lies. You know how the and the truth is not in him.
So people who like to abide and lies. When you abide and lies like that, I hope you know that you are and you, you are like in tandem with Satan. You, you are in tandem with Satan. And abiding in the most evil, dark, and sadistic energy that you possibly can when you’re willing to walk in a false show every day.
When you’re willing to walk in a false, you know, and living a lie every day.
And, [00:34:00] and, and, and, and the only person you fooling is you because you can’t give away what you don’t have. So if you, you think you gonna fool other people. Dude, like the, you, you have to first be fooled in order to do that. If I have clarity and wisdom, I can give that to people. You know, I can’t go out and give manipulation and deceit because I don’t fucking manipulate and deceive people.
And so, not to mention, you will of course reap what you saw. I’ve said that a thousand times. You know, you know, and, and falsehood. This, this is opposed, this is everything that is against God, you know? The Lord said in another place that a liar shall not tear in his sight. You understand that? You know, Jesus was crucified with, I think it was like a murder and a thief.
He wasn’t crucified with a liar. You know? You could literally be like the town whore, like who? Jesus forgave all her sins, and I say town who? Loosely cuz she didn’t get there by herself. Okay? All the men helped her, then they wanted to judge her. Jesus was cool [00:35:00] with that. I’m not saying go out and kill people and then run around and ask for forgiveness.
Do not do that. You know, and I’m not saying go s slt it up either, you know? But the point is like, God will work with you on whatever the fuck you have done. But if you’re gonna be a liar, even God is like, get the fuck outta my sight. I cannot. , you’re not gonna be standing up here in front of my throne telling me, telling me some shit that I know is ain’t right, and trying to get me to believe you.
God is saying Miss me with that shit, okay? Miss me. Or you could come and tell the truth, ask for forgiveness, and then we can work on it. It is so much easier to tell the truth. . It is so much easier to tell the truth, but damn. If a liar is not good enough for God, a liar should not be good enough for me or any of us.
We will no longer suffer fools. We will no longer suffer liars. They need to get the fuck out. At the very damn least, the people who are hanging out with us, we should know what [00:36:00] they’re really about and they should be able to tell us the truth. If you got to lie, baby, just go. Just get the hell on somewhere and notice.
you know, my, and, and my, my greatest complaint against my ex is the lying. You know, the, his, his sex was always used in a disrespectful way against me. But, you know, none of us are virgins. Okay? He’s got just as many miles on his dick and his mouth as I do on my asshole. You know, they’ve all been used up, you know, it is what it is.
It’s done now, but but there’s no need to go lying about it. Possibly killing people with covid and shit behind it. It didn’t have to get all messy and icky and disrespectful and low vibrational like that. It didn’t have to, it didn’t have to go dark, you know. [00:37:00] Interesting scripture in Jeremiah chapter 28, I suggestion y’all read it. About, there’s two prophets in there, very famous Parker, Jeremiah, and another one called Hannah Anaya. Hannah and I decided he was gonna put on a very Republican like show. You know, Jeremiah was liking these wooden stock bonds because Jeremiah had a time on his hands dealing with these Israel lights, honey.
Hannah and I are gonna go in there and break these wooden stock bonds because Kinne was half them in bondage, I believe, or was coming to put them in the bondage or something like that. I believe they were already in bondage. Nene Kiner was the king of Babylon and God had given the Israel license to the hand of Babylon because they would not worship him and they wouldn’t act right.
And until the prophet, him and I came in there talking about, well, I think he said within two years these bonds will be broken and in, in the Middle East, in those days, they would do like, you know, demonstrations to demonstrate the word of God, like physical, you know, [00:38:00] demonstrations of things. And so he broke these wooden stock bonds off of Jeremiah.
Jeremiah was like, okay, I’m not gonna argue with you. Hopefully what you’re saying is true, but it’s probably not, you know? But hopefully, And Jeremiah went on about his way as Jeremiah was going on his way. The Lord told Jeremiah to turn around and go back to Hannah Anaya and he said Panaya is lying.
And he said, instead of those wooden stocks and bonds chains that are, you know, the prison that I broke you broke off of you, I will replace those with iron. And Jeremiah went and checked Hannah and I and read him for filth. And he said, he told Hannah and I I basically, motherfucker, you lying. God has not sent you.
Okay. And, and then, and and, and then the Lord struck Hannah and I that he died because he lied.
Again, it’s so much easier to tell the [00:39:00] truth. Be careful how we how, how you let yourself believe People like Hannah and I who come in shit like much of the Republican party. You know who, who put on a big bravado, you know, and show to distract you from the actual facts of what’s going on. My ex did that all the time.
Little shit. He would blow out of proportion and call me extra and I’m, I’d be like, you’re trying to distract. You know, towards the end of the relationship I’d be like, no, I’m not gonna let you put on this show and distract from what’s happened or what you’ve done. They like to try to put your attention here and there.
Don’t let them do it. Don’t let them do it. When you listen to like a Republican talk, half the times when they’re done, do you really know what the fuck they said? And I know every politician can be on some bullshit. Democrats, libertarians, whatever the fuck. But these people at a Republican party are a little bit on, on, on a lot more bullshit than most, you know?
I’d just be like, what the fuck did you just say? You know? Or they don’t mind blatant [00:40:00]hypocrisy. They just switch back and forth based on whatever serves them. Just like a narcissist, just like my ex. It is no consistency and I’m all like, the shit’s recorded. We saw you at the riot, Josh Hawley, though don’t be trying to change it up now.
You know, we saw you , you know, you know Mike Pence. You were afraid we saw you run. Now you trying to play it down. You know, you go back and forth. Just, just depends on what serves them. . This is how these narcissistic people are because they don’t live in reality. They don’t live in a world where they think they’re ever gonna have to be accountable for anything.
So then they view the world of this playground where they can just trickle along and just do whatever.
Again, I feel like.
This whole situation with Ethan has been like a microcosm of life. You know, we were together for half a decade and he really didn’t have much to show for it. Like in terms of self-development, [00:41:00] spiritual growth, personal growth. He was basically a lying fuck boy. When I met him, he was a lying fuck boy.
When I departed from him, . You know, remaining on this earth for however long does not guaranteed spiritual growth of any kind or any personal development. You have to get out there and chase that down just like you do sex and all the pleasures and things like that. You have got to be serious about growing as a human.
You know, on a broader scale. You could literally waste your life on pleasures, on whatever kind of fucking shit you like to do and be so underdeveloped internally.
And, and the whole thing is about balance. You can have pleasures and you can be super close to God too. You just gotta put God above those pleasures. Cause those two things are not mutually exclusive. You know, God created pleasure, but he didn’t tell you to run off and worship it though.
[00:42:00] The last. Major point I’m gonna make is this is anything that refuses to change, it’s dead while it yet lives. Any, any anyone that is overrun with pleasure is dead while they yet live. Narcissists don’t care to change, and that’s why you know they will die in that position unless they rise. I think I said this in the, in the, in the last episode. Eh, I’ll say it again. Either way. Every plant I’ve ever planted, you know, every bird I’ve ever raised, you know, they, they, they change. You know, every day I’ll go out there, there’s a new feather, there’s a new leaf, you know, you know, if we look at our lives a year from now, a month from now, we should be able to be able to quantify some sort of growth.
My ex just wanted to stay the same, and this is something that he started to say after we had been together. For all this time, he would [00:43:00] say he only wants to make, you know, 40, 50,000 a year. He only wants a little bit of money to help his friends and close ones that no concern for the world on a global scale that know this.
He said he just wants a little bitty space to live and he doesn’t want much out of life. I’m like, who in the fuck says that they don’t want a lot outta life? Usually you wanna like reach for the stars, and if you land on the moon, then you’re doing good. He is all like, mm, yeah, I just wanna be here in this city.
No need to lift off the ground. I’m like, okay, . You know, I can’t do anything with that. But if you won’t evolve, you know, move, you know God is speaking with all around nature. If you have a puddle of water that doesn’t have fresh water flowing into it, the thing will become stagnant. But, and the water’s always moving, it’s in the constant state of change.
You have to always be changing. You know, you cannot be a creature of habit, you know, or you are dead while you let yet live. You know, you ha you, you are, you have no life [00:44:00] in you if you will not grow and move and let. shit. Go. Now. Like I said, I’m gonna be working on a book, you know, it is like every time I write a page it’s like I’m taking that trauma outta my head and I put it on that page and it’s like gone.
And if, and then several more episodes on this, because this is a very, very serious issue. Cause I want people to be aware of these signs. , you know, in, in, in the book. I’ll get more in into detail about those three weeks when he was out there fucking around with Covid. I’m gonna put all the text messages, the sex messages that I found, you know, in there so you can go through them and read.
I’m gonna put the messages that I was sending him at the same time cuz he was texting me at the same time we was texting the, the people he was trying to go and cheat on me with, like, he had me on one screen and them on another screen, just moving back and forth. And I’m gonna let you see all this.
[00:45:00] We’re gonna get into more warning signs.
And I’ll talk, you know, in great detail about how basically I pulled a Carrie Underwood on his ass and, you know, while he was over there hanging out with j Jared. Smoking weed and shit. When I first discovered, you know, he was, he said he was, he was just gonna chill Netflix and chill and hang out with his fuckboy while he’s breaking his actual boyfriend’s heart.
I said, okay. Well, he was over there smoking. I went over to his house and started to take back the shit that I had bought him. So we, we, when he walked back into his house, you know, he had been Rav. No, that shit, you know, I paid for all that shit. , you know, God damn it. Uhuh. Y’all remember waiting to exhale with Angela Bassett?
Sold that motherfucker shit, who had cheated on her, had that affair with that woman at work, the company she, Angela helped build. Now, Bernie. Bernie, Bernie helped build this . Okay? And she took her husband’s shit. Well, she lit some of it on fire and [00:46:00] then some of it she sold for a dollar. Mm. , some of some, some of Ethan’s shit went in the trash.
Some of it I just went on Facebook and gave the fuck away for free. And we’ll I’ll tell you exactly what it was quite a bit because I had taken good care of him, said, okay, you going, you gonna do me like that? Mm-hmm. . And so, and, and, and, and, and, and there was a certain piece of furniture that Couldn. I couldn’t give away for free cuz the door was a, a panel was missing off of it and didn’t wanna take it downstairs.
So I took a hammer to that motherfucker and, and broke the pieces and then made eat and take the shit out to the trash. Oh. But there’s so much more tea that I have to say about all of this and the way it went down, so, I’ll follow up in several months with an update on how I’m doing and how this is going.
I’m trying to go travel abroad maybe to another country, somewhere to go get me some aas or some sort of psychedelic help with this. It’s like I told y’all, I told y’all I’m [00:47:00] not gonna be broken up over this for long. I got ministering to do. I got a world to reach. I got two little man koon mixed cats that need me, and I, I, I got parents here that need me, you know, I’ve got shit to do.
I don’t have time to being hung up on this dude. Okay, so I speak peace to you. I speak peace to me. I speak wholesome, holiness, healing and deliverance made because in Mountain Zion there shall be deliverance and everything is subject to change, and there is nothing too hard for God. So let the Lord be magnified.
We thank him for helping us through these troubles, mental health times. Again, my name is Davanon. Thank you for joining me. I look forward to peace for you in the future. Have a great day.